Draco and I had arrived at the Manor two days ago. There was a cold aura between us; we were still thinking about our last night at the Astronomy Tower. It seemed that both of us were begging each other to come to the other side.
Draco found it very hard to think of the choice to change sides as an alternative. It was way harder for him to think of it as plan A. In his mind, I was that girl asking him the hardest thing in his life. He wasn't thinking that he was asking me to do something equally hard, switch sides for him.
Sirius' plan would finally be set in motion. While I was in Hogwarts and under strict observation from the Ministry, there wasn't much ground to spy upon. Today was the day to prove myself to the Order.
Sirius had told me that my task was simple. Ask Voldemort for as much time as I could get, try to spy on the dark side for this time. This task was easier said than done. I should find a good enough excuse and make Voldemort think that it's not actually an excuse. Make them believe I was already on their side, just not officially. If that went well, maybe I would get out of the situation. If not, I guess it would be my last effort.
Today was Christmas Eve and Narcissa had informed us that Voldemort would be taking supper with us. When she got out of Draco's chamber, I almost jumped out of bed and walked to the nearest window. It was one of the coldest days. Almost snowy weather.
"Mother brought you something to wear," Draco walked to me, his eyes with heavy bags under them. We hadn't gotten much sleep that night. Both of us were anxious and terrified.
"Another black dress..." I said.
Suddenly, it was getting hard to breathe, it was impossible to think straight.
Narcissa soon knocked on the door and offered to help me put on a corset but I refused and said I would do it myself.
Of course, I couldn't reach that far back so Draco helped with the laces. The tighter it got, the less I could breathe.
"You look very beautiful..."
He looked at me from head to toe and admired me. Indeed, when he was standing next to me in the mirror, dressed in his black suit, he matched me and fit like a glove.
Another knock on the door. This time it was for the shoes, a pair of high-heeled stilettos.
I was getting frustrated by the interruptions.
Even in Draco's room, I couldn't have a moment with him.
I walked to the door and run out of the room. I needed to get some air and I needed to get out of this pathetic, expensive manor. I walked as fast as I could through the enormous halls and stairs, trying not to draw anyone's attention. It was a huge manor for a three-member family yet any elf or maiden could see you. Even the walls had eyes and ears.
I walked to the front garden barefoot and dressed too lightly for this cold and windy weather. I fell on my knees in the middle of the grand lawn and cried.
When Draco found me, almost screaming, it started raining.
"Anne, come on. Get back inside."
I ignored him and tried to hit him in the face when he grasped my arms. "You are really frustrating do you know that? Do you know what the craziest thing is? You are asking me to follow you when you won't let me beg for you to follow me!"
"Are you crazy? Stop shouting, anyone could hear you!"
"In fact, you don't even think about it as an option, do you?" I ignored him and tried to push him away.
"You think I don't think about it? Of course, I do! I think about it all the time, Annalise! I'm going through an identity crisis as we are speaking! You are not the only one trying to make it work. You think I'm not doing enough?"
"I think that we need a way out of this and all you are doing now, without having picked a side, is making everything worse!" I shouted. "Or have you already decided?"
"We have both decided, Anne! I can't just leave my family," Draco lowered his head and let the rain from his white hair fall down to the earth.
"Well, I can't just give up the fight. You know that," I made a step towards him.
"If you become a Death Eater-" he tried to say but I groaned. "We'll work it out, Anne! You can be a spy and-"
"And betray the people!"
"Spying is not betraying, Annalise. Can you just stop thinking about this whole leader thing? When the time comes, we will find a way to persuade the people that you're with the Order in this war. And during that time we will be together. We will work it out!"
"We have been saying that since we first met, Draco! There is no time!"
"What are we going to do about it then?"
I turned around and threw my head back with a drowned scream.
"Okay..." I said.
"Okay what?"
"Okay, I'm going to follow you!"
"You mean that?" he said with a light smile.
"Yeah..." I breathed out. "We have to make it work, right?"
"Yes, but are you willing to give it all up for me?"
I didn't answer. I simply run up to him and kissed him in the rain.
It was strange how at this point exactly, the grand iron door opened. There were only a few people coming in. In the middle, my father was walking with a certain smirk in his face. He had Lucius and Snape on either of his side, holding up their wands to a spell protecting them from the rain.
It seemed that they were just arriving for the Christmas dinner. When my father saw us, in the middle of the garden and soaking wet, he moved his head toward us.
He looked at each of us from head to toe.
"Charming," he muttered with no sign of a smile.
"Draco, what do you think you are doing in the r-" Lucius rushed to say with his eyes half closed in anger.
"Don't rush, Lucius. I am sure Annalise will have a good excuse for what we see before us."
"It's my fault, yes," I spoke at once. "I was searching for something in the garden and it started raining," I said. For a moment I felt like an actual daughter making excuses to her father.
"Barefoot."
"I guess, it was my shoes I was searching f-"
"The Dark Lady doesn't act stupidly," he interrupted, proving he never really even wanted to hear my excuses in the first place. "Get inside and get dressed."
* * *
Narcissa gave me a corset dry corset. Now, whenever I looked at myself I could see how much I fitted in this world.
Standing outside the dining room door with Draco, I could see the most perfect couple. The man wearing all black except for a silver snake pin on the tie, the woman that should be a girl without the grown-up clothes, her childhood hiding behind the shadows.
"Ask for more time. We will figure the rest of it as we go," he said with a hand on my face.
"If he forces me to pick a side, I will follow you," I admitted and swallowed.
"Think about it again..."
"Aren't you happy that I choose you? We look nice together." I kissed him again.
Narcissa showed up from behind the dining-room door. "Come," she said looking at me.
Draco and I walked into the room. Voldemort was sitting at the far end of the table, like always. Lucius was sitting by him and the two empty places on the other side were for Draco and me. Snape also had a seat.
"Merry Christmas, Annalise," he said with a so-called smile, standing up before I was close enough.
Then he came up to me with slow and steady steps before he closed his arms around me uncomfortably. I would never imagine that someone like him could actually hug someone. But even this hug was fake and awkward. If he really had wanted to embrace me, he would have done it right when he saw me in the garden, soaking wet and cold.
"Merry Christmas, father," I answered but the last word came out in a very strange way. When Voldemort let me go, he went closer to Draco and stretched his hand for him to take it. I could see Draco trying to act normally and he was kind of succeeding. I wondered if anyone else could have known that he was actually trying way too hard. Lucius and I shook hands too. It was very strange to think that Lucius did not even embrace his son, he just shook his hand the same way he did to me.
When all this uncomfortable situation was over, we sat down. Dinner was already served. Draco, like last time, held my hand under the table. Whatever had happened between us during the last few days, Draco knew I was afraid and tried to fix it in any way he could. Of course, Lucius could easily notice. He gave me a sharp look.
"My dear daughter," said Voldemort smiling slightly. "How are you?"
"Very good, thank you." I was looking straight at my empty plate.
"So, I'm longing to hear all about your year at Hogwarts," he said as soon as we started eating. Well, nothing important. I was followed by two guardians for one half of the year and the other half I was member of Dumbledore's Army. Not to mention that half the students hate me for being your daughter! Oh, and I shouldn't forget that we are having a little crisis with Draco over who is going to follow who, you fucking twat!
Oh and Harry Potter - you know, your mortal enemy - he is hitting on me for sure. How was your fucking year?
An uncomfortable conversation started where everyone was trying to catch up with everyone's news, all with the Death Eater shadow hovering between us. I could call it a normal Christmas dinner if it weren't for the people around me.
When Voldemort was noticing that I was too silent, he was giving me another smirked smile of his and asked me a question about my life. It was almost a get-to-know-you conversation with questions like 'What is your favourite subject?'
I noticed that today, his eyes were not red, but blue. They were the shade I was met with whenever I looked at myself in the mirror. It scared me to see what everyone had pointed out; I had my father's eyes.
Madness came when Voldemort started asking about my work at school.
"She is a very strong student. Many possibilities, everyone can say so. One of my favorites," Snape almost cut in.
"Unfortunate she is not in your house, too. She took that from her mother," he said with a tint of disgust in his voice. "Hope she doesn't take anything else from her. One flaw is enough, if not too much," he said and was looking right at me. Every effort he might have made for me to speak up, was now dead.
"Oh, believe me, I don't see much Ravenclaw in her. So ambitious and talented in everything. The blood of Slytherin runs thick in her veins."
"Glad to hear that. Let's hope that she doesn't get anything else from that wrenched, little traitress," he said and almost slammed his knife on his plate.
"My mother was a brave woman," I said and wasn't afraid to look at him right in his eyes, the same color as mine.
Why-the-fuck-can't-you-keep-your-mouth-closed.
Every noise in the room was shut and there was echoing silence all around us.
Voldemort said nothing. He kept looking at me with the leftovers of a smile on his face.
Until some point, he did what I totally would never expect him to do. He broke into laughter. For more than half a minute, he couldn't stop laughing. The ringing sound echoed around us like an annoying alarm.
"Imperio!" he screamed and the laughing stopped. He had raised his wand. In the air and then without understanding it, I found myself down on the floor again, like last time. I had hit my head again. This time, I saw blood running not from the back of my neck, but from my forehead. It hurt too much for me to feel it burning like last time. The pain was indescribable. But that was nothing against what I felt next.
"Cursio!" the familiar piercing pain that I had felt last summer took over my body again. I completely forgot about the pain on my forehead and found myself in a ridiculous position trying to stop the pain. "Cursio!" he repeated as I screamed at the top of my lungs. Draco did nothing. He didn't even turn to look at me. But again what could he do? He was told not to help me. I saw his eyes, they were almost crying. Lucius and Narcissa did nothing either. The sound of my piercing screams was echoing around the dining room. This continued for more than two minutes.
"She's bleeding..." muttered Draco. I bet he only wanted to sneak a peek but he finally found himself staring.
"Not now, Draco," said Lucius coldly, at once.
Voldemort, however, stopped. Of course, he didn't care about Draco's comment, he just probably had enough. I stayed where I was. I didn't move. "Get up," he said in a cold-calm expression and tone. I did nothing. "Get up!" he yelled at me. But I still couldn't move. "Oh, for goodness sake! Draco, help her get up." Draco did as Voldemort commanded. He carried me back to my seat and then whipped out my tears before sitting.
"Ministry propaganda, no doubt. You will have to learn my ways now. And now, continue."
Everyone but Draco and me went on with their meals. Snape gave me a look that could have been satisfied. Draco had leaned above his plate but making no move.
"I said, continue," he repeated cold-calmly. Draco did as he said. "Lucius, I'd like to hear all about the Minister," he said absolutely naturally.
"Yes, the reform at Hogwarts is going rather well, we have almost taken over the school. Now as for the Minister, he doesn't want to believe you're back and many suppose he's afraid. I know that he's rather scared of losing his position. To be honest he thinks about resigning. What we need to do now is to secure..." he continued talking but I couldn't pay attention.
I felt my head dizzy, something rather usual for me. I was still feeling the blood pumping out of my scar and when Draco saw a stamp on my dress, he found the courage to take a towel and wipe the blood out.
"Put it down, Draco!" hissed Lucius as soon as he saw him and then continued. Draco did as he said.
"My Lord," said Draco. "I think Annalise needs help. May I?" he was nice and gentle. He knew how to handle these situations. Voldemort looked at my face that was covered in blood.
"Go on..." answered Voldemort studying Draco's hurrying movements as he whipped all the blood off my face. Then he wetted the towel with some water and tried to heal the still bleeding scar. Soon, the towel was full of blood. I started wondering whether I needed stitches or not. Then again I doubted if wizards even knew about stitches.
"As I was telling you before, I think it'll be a fine match between our families. I hope that Annalise makes the right decision. Then we will be ready to unite our families," said Voldemort to Lucius smiling when they were done with eating.
"It'll be an honor to the Malfoy family. Our house wouldn't meet more glory," answered Lucius proudly.
I was almost gagging for a breath with Draco next to me squeezing my hand to give me some strength. When I looked at him, I thought it was worth the pain. Becoming a Death Eater would be easier with him next to me.
* * *
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