It was the first day of December. Hogwarts had already turned white under the snow, so did Hogsmeade, the place where I was heading now, accompanied by Harry.
I was looking around nervously. I was very afraid that my guardians were still behind me in every step I made. As always, no one was behind me. It was just an insecurity that I was carrying around wherever I went after two months of observation. I felt like someone was behind me all the time. Aramis and Ferron were following me even after one month that they weren't watching me closely. For now, they were just wandering around the ground until February comes, when they'd leave Hogwarts completely. But my shoulders were stuck to my ears, not because of the cold but because I just couldn't calm down. I had to understand that I wouldn't ever relax if I didn't get the thought out of my mind.
Harry had noticed that I didn't feel comfortable from the first minute he saw me this morning, but he didn't say anything. He had understood that he couldn't do much to help me. He knew I wouldn't easily get over this sense. So he did what he should do. He tried to talk about something else so he could destruct me from my thoughts.
"I really shouldn't be here."
"Don't be silly, they'll be very happy to see you here," he opened the door at Hog's Head for me to get in. The rest of the students were already waiting. Hog's Head was completely empty, something understandable for this hour of the day. I sat by Cho who, I must admit, wasn't that happy to see me. Luna, however, was friendly as always. She never had a problem with me. After all the kids had arrived, we were about twenty now, Hermione started speaking. Some fights occurred but my mind couldn't stick to one thing. Soon enough, I didn't know what anyone was talking about.
"In the third year he fought a hundred Dementors at once," said Ron.
"And last year he really fought out You-Know-Who in the flesh," said Hermione.
"Wait! Look, it all sounds great when you say it like that but the truth is that most of them were just luck. I didn't know what I was doing half of the time and I nearly always had help," said Harry.
"He's just being modest."
"No, Hermione, I'm not. Facing this stuff in real life is not like school. In school, if you make a mistake you can just try again tomorrow but out there when you're a second away from being murdered or watching a friend die right before your eyes... You don't know what it's like," he sat down again.
"You're right, Harry, we don't. That's why we need your help. Because that's the only chance we have in beating... Voldemort," she hesitated before she spoke my father's name.
"He's really back?" asked Colin Creevey. Harry nabbed. Everyone fell in silence.
"If that's so, then why is she here?" said a Gryffindor boy. Yeah, I was wondering when were they going to understand that the Dark Lord's daughter is here. I remembered that boy. He had come up to me and asked me to duel a few days after my hearing.
"Annalise is our friend," said Harry.
"And You Know Who's daughter. She is a threat to all of us," he answered back rudely.
"I would never say anything to anyone..." I said slowly.
"You know, she could be a spy!" he ignored me. "And she was followed around by the Ministry guardians. Who knows if they're watching us right now? Not to mention that she is with this Malfoy guy for over a year. This is definitely dangerous for all of us."
"She would never do that. Doesn't the fact that she's in Ravenclaw and not in Slytherin tell you something?" said Ron defending me. I was surprised. Ron didn't seem to like me all this time.
"Remember who her mother was. Sophialine McGregory was one of the greatest witches of all times. And she was killed by You Know Who. She fought against him. And Annalise is in the same house as she was, McGregory was in Ravenclaw too. That definitely says something. And they both look exactly the same! My aunt works for the Ministry and she knew McGregory," said a Hufflepuff girl that I didn't know but I already liked.
"This is stupid. I don't care about her house or her looks! I care about who her father is. She could destroy us. You don't really expect me to get into this thing with her threatening my life," said the Gryffindor boy again. And I don't blame him. I wouldn't believe me, either.
"Shut it and listen!" shouted Harry. "You know she saw Voldemort too!" Oh, Harry! What the hell are you doing? We agreed you wouldn't say this to anyone!
"Is that so? And why doesn't she tell the Prophet?" said Dean, not in the rude way that everybody did.
"When are you all going to stop talking as if I'm not here?" There were a few moments of silence during which everyone who had opposed to the thought of me taking part in this thing took their time looking down or around them, avoiding my eyes.
"Look, there is nothing you can say about my father or me that I don't already know. Half of you can see the daughter of a man who has killed your loved ones, killed your friends, killed a family member. To that, I cannot add anything. The rest of you see the daughter of a Spiritual Leader, a girl who is supposed to follow her lead. Half of you want to kill me and half of you expect too much of me. Half of you see an enemy and half of you see a leader. But I'm neither of these things. None of you have lifted my shirt. None of you have seen the bruises or the cuts, for all of which my father has created. I know it's selfish as fuck - because I am selfish as fuck - but right now the only thing I want is to learn how to fight him."
"That doesn't change the fact that your father has hurt most of us. A friend of a friend, a family member, a distant relative, we have all lost people when your father was on the rise, people we could have known!"
"I don't mean to undermine your grief. But you're wrong to think that I haven't lost anyone because of my father! I've lost a mother. And I've shed my own blood," I said.
I slowly wiped away my curls to reveal the scar on my forehead, then turned around, lifted my hair up and showed then the cut on the back of my neck.
"Are these things he did to you?"
"You can see these things but you won't ever be able to see what he did on the inside. I don't ask for much! I did meet him, yes. I saw my father. And the last time I was not able to fight him back. With Harry, I might as well be able to fight back next time. I know I'll fail. People much better than I did. Cedric did. But at least I'll fail with some dignity. And next time he threatens me, I won't need to buy it."
"I believe her..." said Ginny.
"-Us too."
"-Us too," said both George and Fred at the same time.
"I want her in too." Only a few boys and girls followed but then comes the opposition.
"I don't believe her," insisted the boy. "I believe all this is fake. Don't want my parents' murderer's daughter beside me. It'll be a disgrace to their name," said the Hufflepuff boy that had asked me to duel with me uncountable times.
"Me neither. And if even one doesn't agree, then she shouldn't be let in. She is just a selfish bitch who wants to save her ass," said someone.
Everyone fell in silence.
"I believe her. I trust her, I do. But I still believe it will be dangerous for the rest of us. She is being followed and it will be an extra risk that is most likely not needed."
Many students nodded to that.
"Very well. I should be gone then..." I took my coat and made it to the door.
"Annalise, wait!" said Harry and Hermione at the same time.
Harry followed me into the snow.
"Anne!"
I didn't turn.
"Annalise, I'm talking to you! Come back!" he said, desperately trying to stop me.
"Don't you see? No one wants me there! And they are right! I'm too much of a risk to the whole team! I don't want to get in and add a bit more danger to this whole thing. I don't care what happens, Voldemort will probably kill me anyway, why fight him back?" I didn't allow myself to turn back and see him. Sometimes I couldn't resist to two begging eyes.
"And what about what you said? About fighting back and how this is more important than winning?"
"Harry sometimes we can be very positive and happy about how things might turn out to be but this is life. This is not a speech! This is a fight. This is a war! In this war, I have no power against the enemy and no one wants me to get some! You said it was time to test my influence abilities. Well, there you have it. I don't even have that kind of power. It is not in me. If I can't persuade a bunch of schoolkids, I probably can't persuade anyone else either!"
"Annalise, what the hell are you talking about! You lost a battle, you didn't lose the war. No one was born a leader, no one was born a speaker! It's the same with evilness. This is not about genes that were passed down to you by your mother or father! You need time and practice!"
"Well, obviously, that I don't have! Time I don't have! I need to give him an answer and then I won't be able to defend myself. No one wants me in your Army! No one wants to fight beside me."
"I do! I will tutor you. I don't know when or where but I will teach you everything I know. I'll give you secret lessons and we will practice together! You will fight back and you will become the person you need to be, want to be, destined to be! We will be helping each other out when times are hard and we will get ourselves out of it!"
"You don't need me to get out of this, Harry. You're the Boy Who Lived."
"And you are the Lost Daughter," he stopped me, grabbed my hand and turned me to look at him. He pulled me close to him. I didn't try to escape when I saw his eyes, desperately searching for mine. Before I could even realize it, I was inches away from him. "I won't do this without you."
"Goodbye, Harry."
* * *
I woke up in the middle of the night and puked the only two bites I had for dinner.
I tried for a vision again. All hope was lost.
Days passed, weeks passed. I would keep on staring at the canvas and consider my fate. No vision.
I wasn't meant to be happy. I accepted it and moved on with the pathetic excuse for a life that fate had forced me into.
Christmas was close. All hope was lost. I was lost.
* * *
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