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CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
good mourning.
season six, episodes one and two.
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DAY ONE
Bailey and Webber barged into the OR. Callie couldn't breathe, Owen struggled to help her calm down, and around them, every nurse and surgeon stared down at the table, where George's body laid inert.
Billie held back tears when she looked up and met Derek's eyes through their masks.
"His ICP went through the roof," he explained to the Chief. "We did everything. Everything."
"Chief, his organs are viable for now, but it won't be long until he's acidotic and hypothermic," Owen said, looking at Webber. "Is he a donor?"
The OR had now fallen into a deafening silence. Callie had finally managed to regain her breath. Bailey's eyes shot towards the trauma surgeon as if he had just said an atrocity.
"Uhm..." the Chief began, "I don't know. I called his mother, she's on her way. Let's close him up and get him to the ICU in case she wants to see him."
Billie felt Meredith's hand somewhere around her fumbling for hers. They held each other tightly and didn't let go.
☆
"You can't tell her."
"Alex."
"She coded in my arms. Out of nowhere, she died," Alex explained frantically, standing by the door of Izzie's ICU room like a protective barrier, impeding Billie, Meredith and Cristina from entering to break the devastating news to the blonde. "Just... I'll tell her. I'll tell her when she gets stronger."
Alex fixated his stare straight into Billie's bloodshot eyes. He shook his head.
"Alex..." Izzie called weakly from the bed. The man turned and was instantly by her side.
"You okay?" he asked.
"I had... a dream," she began, her voice frail, her face pale. "He was in his uniform."
"What?"
"George is gonna die in the Army if we don't stop him," Izzie finished. "Hand me my phone. I need my phone."
Alex looked over his shoulder at Billie for comfort, but she was already gone.
☆
Ian found Billie in a nurses station an hour later, scribbling down nonsense on already updated charts, as if trying to find something else to do other than thinking about George. He looked at her for a second since she hadn't noticed his presence yet, then leant against the counter and looked at her sympathetically.
"I heard about your friend," Ian said softly. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah," Billie murmured back without daring to look up at him.
Ian hesitated, but then placed his hand on top of her moving one. She ceased to write down and finally lifted her head. He noticed her eyes were red, pain-stricken, and wondered why she was holding back from crying.
"Do I need to take you home?" he asked.
Billie shook her head. "No, I— I need to be working right now."
"You can cry."
"I don't want to cry," she replied. "I need to work."
Ian sighed and shook his head. "Should I leave?"
Billie hesitated.
"No," she then said. "You just being here... that— that helps."
Ian nodded. He looked around, stood up and fetched a chair from an empty patient room, which he placed by Billie's side. He didn't say anything and just stayed with her for the following half hour, until Alex arrived.
"Billie," the man said, "we need you."
☆
Slowly, Alex wheeled Izzie towards George's ICU room, following close behind Billie. Amanda, the redhead girl who George had jumped in front of the bus for, was already inside, holding George's hand as she cried.
Billie opened the sliding door to the ICU room and took a deep breath. "Amanda, you have to go. We need the room."
Amanda sobbed. Billie didn't dare to look at her friend's unrecognizable face, beaten and bloody, and instead just kept her gaze fixed on the ground as if to somehow ignore what was in front of her. The redhead looked up through her tears.
"I'm sorry," she murmured shakily, then stepped out of the room. "I'm so sorry."
Billie nodded her head silently. Behind her, Izzie covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes becoming glassy at the sight of her best friend's dead body in the bed, prodded by tubes and IVs all over. Alex wheeled her closer and she stared at her friend, hesitating before she finally willed herself to grab his limp hand. The sobs escaped her.
Billie couldn't bear to watch. She stepped out of the room and turned around not to see, unable to hold back her tears. She felt a hand on hers and looked up to find Alex was by her side.
DAY SEVEN
"Wait, you're on my hair."
Jo chuckled and removed his hand from its spot on the mattress, on top of Billie's hair. "Sorry."
"Don't be, keep going," she urged him eagerly.
Jo smiled and kept kissing her ravenously, slipping his tongue into her mouth, then proceeding to make his way down her neck along a path of wet kisses, running his tongue along his skin and earning a few generous whimpers in response. Billie felt his hand fumbling with her dress, slipping under it to caress her bare thigh.
"Oh, wait, wait, no. I have a funeral," she stopped him.
Jo grimaced awkwardly. "Oh, right, sorry."
They immediately broke apart and sat straight on Billie's bed, him watching her as she adjusted her clothes to cover her legs. Her hair was a mess on top of her head, as well as his, and one or two buttons of his shirt were undone, product of desperate fumbling hands through the heavy make-out session.
Billie and Jo still hadn't had sex or anything similar, aside from making out heatedly whenever they got the chance, which always left them wanting more. However, every time they got anywhere remotely close to doing it, they got cut off by different reasons, and still, they were both wanting to take it slow, as their relationship was still quite young and they didn't know each other enough to take it to the next level.
Not that they didn't want to. Although Jo was so excruciatingly respectful it was starting to almost annoy Billie.
They had been on a few more dates ever since the last one and she found that she quite liked him. They hung out almost every day—if Billie's tight schedule allowed her to—and he didn't hesitate to occasionally show up at the hospital with flowers or chocolates for her. In all honesty, Jo was everything Billie could have ever asked for.
Although she was not quite convinced yet.
In fact, she was not convinced at all. Not for any particular reason—just because Jo wasn't Alex.
"Want me to drive you?" Jo asked.
"My brother will take me, but thanks." She smiled, then leant in to place a quick peck to his lips before she was standing up. "Are you going to your mother's today?"
"Probably. Meet me tonight?"
Billie smirked. "Of course I'll meet you tonight. Dinner at seven, right?"
Jo nodded with a smile. He looked up to find her eyes from his spot on the bed. Billie cradled his face and kissed him again, slower, deeper.
"I have to go," she said.
"Then go," he told her.
"I can't."
Jo chuckled, then tugged on her dress. "C'mon, Billie. You're gonna be late."
"Yeah, I know," she said, quickly pulling away. She pecked his lips one last time, grabbed her stuff on a hurry from the floor and was already heading out. "You can see yourself out, right?"
"Yeah," Jo replied, buttoning up his shirt.
Billie smiled. "Okay. I'll see you tonight."
"See you tonight." He winked.
☆
"There is an appointed time for everything and a time for every affair under the heavens," the priest chanted over George's grave. "A time to be born, and a time to die. A time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant. A time to kill, and a time to heal. A time to tear down, and a time to build."
Billie rolled her eyes and huffed out tiredly. She looked around at all the people present at the funeral: Owen, Derek, Meredith, Alex, Izzie, Cristina, Bailey, and more people she didn't recognize. All of them in black.
"A time to weep, and a time to laugh," the priest continued. "A time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together.
She couldn't take it anymore, so she rolled her eyes a second time then broke apart from the crowd, heading elsewhere. Somewhere far away from the burial, where the voice of the priest couldn't be heard. Meredith frowned when she noticed her leaving, then discreetly followed her out of the crowd alongside Cristina. Worrisome, Alex and Izzie didn't take too long to join them.
Billie could still hear the priest's distant voice behind her when she turned over a corner and sat behind a tree, her face hidden in her hands. Alex, Cristina, Meredith and Izzie joined her a second later, eyeing her subtly, worriedly, thinking she might be about to break down as she'd done in similar occasions. Both of her persons sat by each of her sides, whereas Alex and Izzie stood in front of her.
"You can cry, you know?" Cristina said awkwardly, placing a hand on her back in an attempt to soothe her, even though she didn't quite know how.
Billie looked up and snorted. "I'm so sorry."
In a second, she was struggling to stop laughing.
Meredith looked at her in shock. "You're laughing?"
"She's laughing," Alex said.
Billie's laughter grew when she heard her friends speak. It wasn't too long before Izzie began laughing too, infected by the brunette, who couldn't stop giggling. They looked at each other, trying to hold back, but that only made them burst in a louder fit.
"George is dead," Izzie said as she laughed.
"George is dead," Billie repeated. "They're about to put him in the ground and the priest is doing classic rock lyrics, and that girl, that redhead, is crying harder than his mother. And she never even met him! It's just..."
"You guys are far more twisted than I ever realized," Cristina claimed, looking at them both.
Meredith and Alex shared looks, surprised by the scene in front of them. Not once in the past two years had they seen Billie and Izzie laughing together—not once in the past two years had they seen Billie and Izzie doing anything together.
"Are you guys okay?" Meredith asked, genuinely worried.
"You got married on a Post-It!" Izzie exclaimed, looking up at her.
She began laughing. "I got married on a Post-It, I did."
Cristina and Alex joined in, soon infected by the three girls' strident laughter.
"And you guys got married for real?" Billie looked at Alex and Izzie, running out of air.
"I know!"
"And I got cancer! What?" Izzie exclaimed.
"Dude, O'Malley got hit by a bus!"
They couldn't stop laughing for a few seconds before they finally managed to calm down and were submerged in a comfortable silence. The funeral was apparently ending, as all of the people were heading out of the cemetery. Billie looked up to catch sight of Amanda sobbing uncontrollably as she stormed away.
All four five friends shared looks and then burst into frenzied laughter once again. However, after a few seconds, when their mirth drowned down, Billie felt Alex's hand fumbling for hers and the anguish settled on all of their chests yet again.
DAY TEN
Billie had gone over to Meredith's house under Derek's demands, as he had instructed her to take the keys to his trailer and give them to Alex once he arrived. However, before his request, Billie had been pleasantly dining with Jo, so she had decided to bring him with her and take advantage of the empty house until Izzie and Alex arrived.
Now, Billie and Jo were by the stairs. Both their shirts were off while they made out heavily and they were in the process of ridding the remaining clothes when they suddenly heard the lock and the entrance door opened, allowing Izzie and Alex in.
"Fuck!" Billie yelled under her breath, immediately breaking apart from Jo and picking up her shirt from the floor to cover her naked body.
"Woah!" Izzie yelled, covering her eyes with her hand.
"Jesus!" Alex exclaimed as well, but didn't quite look away—a naked Billie was something he'd, luckily, already seen. "What are you two doing here? And who are you?"
Jo seemed awkwardly out of place, unable to decipher where to put his hands. He was still agitated as he spoke. "I, uh..."
"Dude, get a room." Izzie, who unlike Alex, seemed quite entertained, laughed.
"Yeah... sorry," Billie mumbled awkwardly, trying to slip into her shirt without allowing Alex and Izzie a glimpse of her naked torso, even though the man had his eyes all over her. "We were actually just, uhm, just leaving."
"Yeah, I'm sure you were," Alex muttered under his breath, eyeing Jo with contempt.
The man in question shrank back beneath his gaze and immediately crouched down to retrieve his t-shirt, although he wasn't quite sure what it was about Alex that intimidated him so much. He slipped into the piece of clothing and tried to avoid looking at him, as he was fuming in his place.
"Oh, Alex," Billie said. She reached out to the entrance table and tossed him a pair of keys. "Derek told me to give you that. That's actually why I'm here."
"What's this?" Alex asked, catching the keys midair.
"The keys to his trailer—your new home. Says him and Meredith are newlyweds and would like the house to themselves," she explained, then glanced between the couple and grimaced. "You're newlyweds too, anyway. You should have your own space to do... your stuff."
"Marrying on a Post-It barely makes you newlyweds." Izzie chuckled, unaware of the scene unfolding right in front of her eyes.
Alex looked at Jo again, his face set into a hard frown. Jo smacked his lips awkwardly.
"Hi, man. I'm Jo," he said.
"Hey," Alex bit back harshly.
"Well, we'll leave you too alone to do your stuff." Izzie smiled suggestively.
Alex wasn't too keen on the idea and Billie sure noticed.
"Yeah, that'd be good," she mumbled, although Alex's brief glare in her direction didn't go by unnoticed.
Soon, Alex and Izzie were gone, leaving Jo and Billie alone in the house again. She turned to him, biting down on her lip, her cheeks red in embarrassment.
"I'm sorry for that." She laughed.
"Why is it that somebody always walks in on us at the worst times?" Jo chuckled, walking towards her. "Who was that? Why did he look so...?"
"Oh, Alex? He's my—" Billie hesitated, "—friend."
"He was looking at you an awful lot for someone who's just a friend." Jo frowned, caging her with his body by placing his hands on the entrance table, on either side of her hips.
"Yeah, he can be... intense." Billie cleared her throat. "He's just kind of a perv, that's all."
She didn't quite know why she was lying.
Jo, however, didn't seem to care much, as leant forward. Billie didn't move, looking at his lips in the proximity.
"I don't think I can do anything after that, though. I don't want anyone walking in on us again," she said.
Jo chuckled. "That's okay. Me neither, anyway. Wanna go get some food? I'm starving."
"Ooh, Chinese?"
DAY NINETEEN
"You seem good," Ian said truthfully over an open brain, looking at Billie through his surgical loupes.
Billie frowned. "Huh?"
"You seem good. You know, for everything that's been going, you seem fine. Add a little suction here."
She did as told. "I— I am fine."
"Well..." Ian shrugged as he operated. "You do have a tendency for breaking down at the minor of inconveniences, so, you know, I was a little worried. I still am."
"Oh, that's mean." She chuckled. "I don't know. I feel okay. What about you?"
"Me? I didn't know the guy." He shook his head.
"So, you're okay?" Billie asked.
"Yeah," Ian assured. He then eyed his sister subtly. "I met someone."
"Oh, you did? What's her name?"
Ian didn't want to answer. "Oh, it's... well, it's no one important, really."
Billie frowned and looked him up and down suspiciously. Lucky for him, the surgical mask didn't allow for her to notice how red his cheeks had turned.
"Is it someone I know?" she asked. Ian didn't say anything. "Ian."
"Yes, it is someone you know," he admitted.
"Well, who is it? C'mon, don't leave me hanging." Billie huffed. "What, are you embarrassed?"
Ian pursed his lips. "Maybe."
"Oh, c'mon! Just tell me her name, I promise I won't j—"
"It's Cassie. Cassie Campbell, your intern."
Billie looked at him in shock, completely speechless. She remained silent for a second, then said: "Okay, I am judging. What the hell?"
"See? That's why I didn't wanna tell you." Ian sighed. "Probes."
The nurse handed him said instrument. Billie continued to stare at him in utter shock.
"Ian, she's like, what? Twenty-five? She's a child, for fuck's sake."
He frowned at her. "How old do you think I am?"
"I don't know, like, forty?"
"I'm thirty-two." Ian rolled his eyes. "And I know she's young and an intern, but let's not pretend you've never messed with attendings before." Billie frowned, but he just shrugged. "Word gets around a lot in this hospital."
"Okay, first of all, I knew Mark before we ever even worked together, so it doesn't count, and anyways, we were never in a relationship, it was just sex," she defended, slightly off-put. "Wait, did you screw her yet?"
"No! I'm not an animal." Ian clicked his tongue. "We're just... you know, dating. Or whatever."
Billie stared at him, then shook her head. "I do not understand you."
☆
"These are good. Do they sell this in the cafeteria?" Cristina approached Izzie, Meredith and Billie as she licked on a lemon popsicle.
Izzie was sat on a chair with an IV in her arm filling her up with IL-2, whereas Billie and Meredith were sat next to her, each with their own individual popsicle.
"No, those are the cancer pops," Izzie replied.
"Why do cancer people get all the fun?" Cristina reclined on her seat comfortably.
The three girls turned to stare at her with frowns upon their faces, but she didn't seem to notice.
"How do you feel, Iz?" Meredith switched the topic.
"I'm not looking forward to the hurling, it's about to happen, but I feel okay. I feel good," she said.
"Bailey's on some sort of rampage," Cristina commented absentmindedly, then laughed. "I think it's post-O'Malley stress disorder."
Billie shot her a glare. "Cristina."
"What?"
The brunette turned to Izzie. "She's not dealing with her grief."
"You sound like Owen's shrink." Cristina rolled her eyes.
"Owen's shrink is withholding sex," Meredith explained to Izzie. "So she is grumpy and inappropriate"
"Is Derek doing that too? Withholding sex?" Izzie asked.
"Why would Derek withhold sex?"
"Alex is withholding... everything." Izzie sighed. "It's like he's afraid, but I don't know what he's afraid of."
"He is afraid," Billie commented. The blonde turned to look at her. "You died in his arms, he's scared to death."
Billie didn't need to ask in order to know that Alex feared everything.
"He's afraid of cancer sex," Cristina suddenly said.
"Cristina!"
"He doesn't wanna end up with a cancer pop."
"Cristina!"
"Just shut the hell up!" Izzie snapped. "I'm not contagious, Cristina."
"I know that!" she replied, then added: "I would totally have sex with you."
Izzie and Meredith shot her disbelieving glares, but on her part, Billie had been let thinking.
"Jo's not my boyfriend, but he's withholding sex too," she commented without thinking about it. "I miss sex."
DAY THIRTY
"Oh, Alex, hey. I haven't seen you in a while," Billie greeted once she sighted Alex in the locker room, searching his cubby. "What's up? You know what's going? People are saying something about the Chief stepping down."
Alex had been off work for a few weeks now, in charge of taking care of Izzie, so Billie didn't get to see much of him anymore. The last time they'd met, she'd been making out passionately with her soon-to-be boyfriend when Alex and Izzie accidentally walked in on them. And to be honest, Billie missed him.
"Uh, no," Alex mumbled without looking at her. "I'm just looking for some things before I head back to the trailer. I'm not working today."
Billie frowned. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I don't know. You seem..." She eyed him subtly, but shook her head. "How's Izzie?"
"Good."
"Are you mad at me?"
Alex stopped searching the cubby to look at her fully. Billie then noticed the prominent bags under his eyes and wondered if he'd been getting enough sleep.
"I'm not mad at you." He huffed.
"Well, then, what is it? Did I do something wrong?"
Alex shot one last glare in her direction before he found what he was looking for, snatched it out of the locker aggressively and stormed towards the door. Billie frowned, now angered. She'd been trying to be sensitive, she knew Alex was going through a hard patch of his life, but she was a little done with his attitude.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked, causing him to pause and turn. "Really, what is it? Did I do something wrong? Have I— Have I done something to upset you? I know you're going through something with Izzie and everything but you've been acting hot and cold with me for months and it's really starting to get on my nerves."
Alex looked at her, his jaw set tight. It took him a second before he finally spoke.
"Who was that guy?"
Billie frowned, suddenly confused. "Huh?"
"The guy in your house. Who was he? Was he your boyfriend? Are you guys fucking?" he asked harshly, his voice becoming louder with every word.
"Who? Jo?" Billie asked, deeply confused. "He's just... someone. Why are you even bringing this up?"
"Is he your boyfriend?" Alex asked again, slower.
"No, he's not my boyfriend. What's your problem?" She shook her head, unable to understand, but suddenly, a thought occurred to her. "Are you jealous?"
Alex looked up at her, his jaw tight, and his silence was enough answer for her. Billie scoffed.
"Alex, you can't keep doing this to me, you're married," she said. "You got married to Izzie. You didn't want me."
Alex shook his head angrily. "But that doesn't mean I want you to want anyone else."
Billie stared at him disbelievingly, then let out a scoff.
"You're unbelievable, Alex," she spat out, then walked right past him and out of the room.
DAY THIRTY-TWO
"I haven't cried yet," Meredith confessed.
They were in the locker room. Billie was sitting under George's still untouched cubby and Cristina laid on the bench, whereas Meredith was sitting at the table. Both girls turned to look at the blonde.
"I haven't cried yet either," Billie realized quietly.
"I'm using work and sex as a distraction and... I think it's working for me," Meredith continued. "Have you seen the girl, Amanda, sitting outside the hospital on that bench all day long? And—"
"I miss sex," Cristina interrupted her. "Ugh, I miss it so much."
Billie and Meredith stared at her deadpan. Then, the former turned to the latter.
"She hasn't cried yet either," she explained.
Meredith shook her head and stood up.
"What?" Cristina said, but the blonde just left the room. "Mer!" She turned to Billie, disbelieving. "What's up with her?"
"You're being a little insensitive, Cristina," Billie admitted. "A friend of ours just died, and all you can do is think about sex."
"Well, that's easy for you to say! You and your boyfriend must be doing it all around the place."
"He's not my boyfriend. And no, we haven't been doing anything either."
Cristina frowned. "Well, that's depressing. But I still don't get what Meredith's angry at me for."
"Just— try to understand," Billie said. "Please. It's not that easy for the rest of us to pretend nothing's wrong like it is for you."
DAY THIRTY-NINE
It was one in the morning. Billie was still in the hospital, wearing her street clothes, sitting on the bench in the residents' lounge in front of George's cubby. She was supposed to leave two hours ago, but couldn't bring herself to, so she'd been sitting. Quiet.
Mark walked into the room to sight her sitting there alone. A concerned frown took upon his face.
"Billie? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you have left already?" he asked, but she didn't answer. "Bils?"
Billie looked up, dragging in a coaxing breath. She pointed towards George's cubby shakily.
"They still haven't emptied it out," she said. "All his stuff is still in there."
Mark looked at her warily, then slowly took a seat by her side on the bench. He looked up at the cubby and realized that, in fact, all of George's belongings were still in it, including his white lab coat with his name embroidered onto the right breast in blue thread.
"I— I came here to empty it out myself, put all his stuff in a box and give it to his mother," Billie explained. "But I— I— I just can't. I— I can't. And I'm fine. I'm okay. But I— I—"
Her voice broke and a tear slithered down her cheek. Mark didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around her and hold her tightly as she broke down for the first time. But he wasn't concerned—it was the first time in a lifetime that Billie was handling grief the right way.
He was proud.
"It's okay," he said, and hugged her even tighter.
DAY FORTY
"I know you all have heard a lot of rumors, and I'm sorry for that." Webber said solemnly, standing on the landing of the main stairs to stare down at all of his surgeons, who were piled together in the lobby waiting for the news. "And what I'm about to say will be hard to hear, and I'm sorry for that as well."
"This is creepy," Billie whispered quietly in John's ear.
"The economic climate is..." Richard continued, "well, you all know what it is."
"A little bit, yeah," John whispered back.
"In the coming weeks, Seattle Grace Hospital," Webber paused, "will be merging with Mercy West."
A rumor went through the crowd of surgeons. John and Billie shared wide-eyed looks.
"I was not expecting that," the resident said, and the intern nodded in agreement.
"I wish I could tell you you'll all survive the merger, but there are only so many jobs," Webber added. "And the board and I have some tough choices to make." He paused. "I'm on your side, people. I'm rooting for every one of you. All I can say is... please, be at your very best."
John bit down hard on his lip and turned to look at Billie, panic stricken across his face.
"Oh, I'm so getting fired."