I need to speak with Athanasia.
The words ring in my head as a mocking chuckle leaves me. I know I shouldn't be blaming him for what I feel towards him, but his eyes tell me he knows which is making me feel small and annoyed by his ignorance. I release a hesitant exhale and say, "You know, right!" He narrows his eyes so I elaborate, "You know that I bear feelings for you."
"You shouldn't," he answers without giving himself a second to think which pisses me off even more.
So he knew as I suspected.
"What do you mean by I shouldn't? How do you expect me to control my feelings for you when you keep giving me excuses to fall for you? Everything you did up till this moment are gestures of someone who cares for another," I pause and gather my thoughts while preparing myself to finally let go of those emotions I have been carrying for him for so many years.
I've had enough. I need to get rid of my delusions, but after I give him a piece of my mind.
"You found comfort in my room. You were the first to notice the change in the color of my eyes. You didn't push me away when I was having a panic attack after killing Ryukotsusei. You visit me at night, thinking I don't notice your presence. You didn't attack me when Athanasia was clearly going to harm you. Not to mention that you are the only one who doesn't need to question which persona I am. Sesshomaru, all these small gestures aren't made by someone who bears no feelings for another. The Sesshomaru I know won't simply ask me for Athanasia, but would rather-"
Suddenly, Sesshomaru dashes at me with a frown and holds me by the throat in midair. I try to get out of his grasp while choking, but he doesn't budge.
What in the world is he trying to prove?
"Now, do I seem more like the Sesshomaru you know?" He asks and fiercely looks straight into my eyes. I'm not sure if that expression he is currently holding is anger.
He averts his gaze and lets go of me. I fall onto the floor and rub my neck, noticing him glance at it while muttering, "Not a single mark."
Again with that remark.
"Are you disappointed?" I ask, and he looks at me, so I proceed, "You might have been right about your claws scratching my neck, and maybe the tingly feeling I had later was because of the poison. Maybe I should go to the twin coven sisters and wait for my main body to wake up, or I should just ask them to put me to slumber like the other Gods."
I angrily stomp the ground and pass by Sesshomaru while whispering, "I'm sick of having high expectations."
I decide to take a walk through the forest, knowing how dangerous it is especially since it's night now, but who cares! I'm unkillable. Or maybe if I get attacked, Athanasia will finally have an excuse to show up.
I sigh in frustration and halt to crouch down.
"Damn it," I curse under my breath after realizing what I said to Sesshomaru minutes ago.
I loudly breathe out and get a glimpse of a huge tree, so I get closer to it and decide to lie under it while gazing at its dancing branches. The moon looks beautiful behind those countless leaves. I smile and close my eyes to enjoy the sounds and scents.
Five minutes later, I open my eyes and huff in annoyance then say, "How long do you intend on waiting for me to get back to the palace?"
"I'm not waiting for you," Sesshomaru answers from behind the tree I've been lying under.
This guy's brain isn't wired correctly. I think he didn't understand a word I said.
"Yes, sure. You are waiting for Athanasia who won't come out. How about you try to kill me to trigger waking her up?" I mockingly say, and he decides to remain silent.
I sigh and get up to leave, and as I get on Ah-Un's back, Sesshomaru states, "Don't misinterpret my gestures. Father said you were allowed outside the palace with either of our supervision."
My heart clenches at the harsh rejection, and I nod to him, showing how understandable his half-assed words are because everything I said earlier happened before his father gave that order. How stupid of you Sesshomaru to think I will buy that excuse? I'm not sure anymore of anything regarding your personality.
I'm starting to lose faith in all the knowledge I have.
I glance below to get a glimpse of Sesshomaru before disappearing again for God knows how long, and I see him looking at me. I'm sure he is having a relieved expression. Guess, I'm being a nuisance to him.
It doesn't take long before reaching the palace. I decide to let Ah-Un take me to my room, but as that thought comes across my mind, I glance at the palace's garden, seeing Izayoi sitting there while Toga is standing far away from her, probably watching her without her knowledge. I pull onto Ah-Un's reins to watch what's happening out of curiosity.
After nearly two minutes, I go to Toga who is already aware of my presence. "What is troubling her?" I ask with my eyes fixed on Izayoi.
"I'm not sure, but I can feel her anxiety growing by the day," Toga calmly answers.
I look at him from the corner of my eyes while asking, "What about you? Are you okay?"
"I have to," he answers and masks a smile then excuses himself.
I sigh and walk towards Izayoi, hoping she might find any comfort in my words. I gently place my hand on her shoulder and say, "It's late. Catching a cold will be your worst enemy. Kindly go back to your room."
Tears overwhelm her so I pull her into a hug for comfort while muttering, "The best medicine for you right now is taking care of yourself. You need to have clean clothes, clean food, clean water, stay in warm places, and hope to get better after labour."
I don't let go of the hug until her tears dry out. After a few minutes, we let go and see her give me a shy smile while whispering, "Sorry for the mess."
I reply with a smile, "Pregnancy hormones are no joke."
___
Over the following two weeks, Izayoi's health deteriorates, making it hard for Toga to see her in that condition. One day, he came back to the palace filled with anger after meeting with a family of hers. Of course, he filled me in on the details of his visit which revolved around the worst-case scenario of Izayoi dying while giving birth. Since the baby is growing healthily, it meant the mother will be the one who won't be able to make it.
According to what I know, Izayoi died years after Inuyasha's birth which doesn't add up with what that family member said, so I will just hope my knowledge is correct this time and make Toga hope as well. I know it's not the ideal thing to do, but hope is a truly powerful thing, and we can't let fear overwhelm us in front of Izayoi. She currently needs all the support she can get.
I sigh in exhaustion. To be honest, I haven't been sleeping well or eating well either. I have been giving all my focus to Izayoi or using her as an excuse to rid my mind of the last conversation I had with Sesshomaru.
As I turn to my side on the bed with my back facing the balcony, I feel a sudden strong breeze come into my room. I quickly turn while gulping in fear because I know I closed that balcony's doors. I uncover myself and head to the balcony, but I only feel the breeze so I sigh and close it again.
I close the doors properly this time and turn to head to the bed again since it's late into the night, but a shining object on the vanity table grabs my attention. I narrow my eyes and head towards it, but suddenly my knees get weak, falling onto it while holding onto the chair for support.
He did it. He got me the Shikon Jewel. That stupid being.
I widen my eyes and quickly try to get up. I rush to the balcony and loudly scream Sesshomaru's name in the distance like a mad woman.
"Why are you making a commotion?" I hear Sesshomaru's voice from behind me, making me look inside my room.
I angrily stomp on the floor and grab the Shikon Jewel then throw it at him, watching it fall onto the floor. "You have no clue what danger you are bringing inside this palace. I don't know how you got or where you found it, but all I'm asking you is to give it back," I furiously say with a frown.
He reaches out to grab the Shikon Jewel, and my eyes follow every movement he makes. I watch him gaze at it for a second before squeezing it in his palms, making anxiety build up in me. "Do not shatter it," I quickly say while trying to open his grip.
"No one is ready for the consequences please give it back to its owner," I say, more like beg him.
"You are the only owner," He replies, and it takes me a second to realize what his words mean.
He killed the previous owner, and now I'm stuck with it.
▬•▬•▬•▬•▬•▬•▬•▬•▬•▬
Just a tiny reminder, this book is from Zuri's point of view so apparently Sesshomaru's attitude will keep being a mystery until he starts expressing something. I'm having an inner conflict about having a chapter from Sesshomaru's point of view, but I have a feeling that chapter will destroy the essence of Zuri's and Sesshomaru's growth.
Ah, Inuyasha is soon to be born 🥳
7-8 months is such a long time 😔 I'm struggling with keeping up with Izayoi's pregnancy time 😅
See you later 🍬
-👑 Noorie.