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CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
what a difference a day makes.
season five, episode twenty-two.
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"So," Billie chanted awkwardly, clutching the sheets over her naked chest. "Meredith and Derek are getting married tonight."
"Yeah," Miles said, tapping his fingers anxiously over the bedding.
"Callie and Arizona are in a healthy relationship."
"Yeah."
"And Alex and Izzie are in love."
"Yup."
"Whereas, I'm being ghosted by my ex-boyfriend and you just broke up with your girlfriend," Billie said.
"Yeah." Miles sighed.
She took a second. "Maybe we're the problem."
They shared a look, then shook their heads.
"No, we're not."
The night prior, Billie and Miles had met up at Joe's for some casual drinks. However, in the midst of it, Miles had revealed his relationship with April was no longer ongoing, causing Billie to subsequently reveal she was being ghosted by her ex-boyfriend. Their drunkenness and murky brains had, of course, led them to end up in bed together, but now, in the morning, as the effects of the alcohol wore down, Billie and Miles felt weird.
"My head is killing me." He groaned.
"We gotta go to work," Billie retaliated, stretching out softly beneath the sheets.
However, she was promptly startled when Miles suddenly hooked his hand on the dip of her waist and rolled over, so his body now hovered on top of hers.
"What are you doing?" Billie frowned as he began trailing kisses down her collarbone.
"We can be late to work today," Miles whispered into her skin, traveling lower down her body until he was hidden under the sheets.
"You know, you're gonna have to face April event-" she began, but Miles soon cut her off when he reached the spot between her legs. "Jesus!"
☆
Billie and Cristina currently found themselves sat on the couches of the residents lounge. After having gotten very little sleep (although, for very different reasons), both friends held coffee cups on their hands that kept them awake long enough to get through the day. However, Billie was weirdly content that morning.
(Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that she had gotten laid not once, but twice in a same day, prompting her a good mood to last for at least a few hours).
"Can you believe I'm gonna be the last of us three to get married? It's the second time I gotta kick one of your asses down the aisle," Billie said after a second, fidgeting with the lid of her coffee cup.
"Okay, technically, mine didn't count, 'cause he dumped me right before it happened," Cristina retaliated, sprawled apart on her own couch with her eyes closed in tire and the coffee cup close to her lips.
"Yeah, but I had to give the speech anyway." Billie rolled her eyes.
Just then, Meredith walked into the lounge, causing both Billie and Cristina to immediately jump to their feet.
"Big day!" one said.
"Biggest day of your life!" the other chanted.
Meredith's eyes were wide in horror as she stared down both her persons. "Don't do that. Don't do the peppy maid of honor thing, it's creepy."
"Oh, thank God." Both girls immediately lost the tension.
"Wait, is this, like, a 'calm before the storm' type of thing?" Billie asked. "Do you need us to drug you?"
"Or shave off your eyebrows to numb you into submission?" Cristina suggested.
"No, I'm fine!" Meredith smiled. "It's not the biggest day of my life, it's the biggest day of Izzie's life. I'm excited about the marriage, not some wedding. Anyway, she's the one who's gone all Bridezilla."
☆
"David Simons, twenty-two, he was in the driver's seat when his car got crushed by a semi. Truck blew a tire and jack-knifed across traffic," the paramedic briefed as he rolled a stretcher into the ER. On it, a brown-haired young boy.
"Okay, take him to bay one until we get a trauma room ready," Callie demanded.
Billie immediately followed the paramedic, already wearing her yellow trauma gown, and began assessing the patient as more victims of the car crash arrived at the ER. It looked like it was going to be a messy day in the pit, despite the fact that multiple residents, including Callie herself, had claimed it would be a slow day. Clearly, she had jinxed it.
"What are the injuries?" Billie asked.
"Chest contusions. Otherwise, vital signs were stable."
"We can't be late..." the guy on the stretcher groaned under his breath.
"Ready? One, two, three." Billie chanted before her and the paramedics transferred David from the stretcher to the gurney. "Late for what?"
"Graduation," he whispered back.
In the ambulance station, another patient came in.
"Becca Wells, twenty-one-year-old, backseat passenger. Vitals stable. Some shortness of breath with good breath sounds," the paramedic introduced swiftly.
"Okay, take her to bay two for now," Callie beckoned towards the bay right next to David's.
"She's gonna be so worried," David said under his breath.
"David, is that you?" Becca cried out as she was transported towards the bay.
"Becca?" David moved a little, trying to catch sight of her, but the head-block kept him bound to the bed in a horizontal position. "Are you okay?"
"I think so, I don't know." She sobbed loudly, almost like she couldn't stop crying even though she tried to. "What about you?"
"I'm talking. Can't be too bad if I'm talking," he replied with a half smile, unbeknownst to the fact that his statement wasn't true in the least.
Another patient came in.
"Twenty-two-year-old front seat passenger, tenderness above the pelvis and an unstable BP."
"Bay five."
"Is my girlfriend here? She was in the backseat!" the new arrival yelled, trying to squirm out of the head-block, but to no use.
"Jordan!" Becca yelled, having recognized the new patient's voice.
"Becca! Becca, have you seen Dana? You were sitting next to her!"
The ER was a mess of screams, running doctors and crying patients. Billie was growing overstimulated by the second, but she was doing her best to chug it all in, reciting the table of two just to drive her mind someplace else.
"Can you check on our other friends? Dana, Michelle, Pete?" Becca asked Alex, who was the doctor assessing her.
"Eight of them piled in the SUV? Are they all this bad?" Callie asked a paramedic in the meantime, seeming worried as she held the phone to her ear.
"These are the healthy ones compared to the rest," the man replied with a cock of his brow.
"Okay, uh..." Callie ran a hand through her hair exasperatedly, growing stressed. "I need beds and blood and interns. And Owen Hunt. Where is Hunt?"
Soon, as Billie made it her job to correctly analyze David's injuries, his vitals tanked unexpectedly.
"V-tach! BP's dropped out! I need the crash cart, I'm gonna cardiovert," Billie called out. Callie, who was the closest doctor, immediately pushed a crash cart towards her.
"D- David! What is wrong with him?" Becca yelled, fearful, as the tears still streamed down her cheeks.
"Charge to one-hundred. Clear!" Billie called once she received the paddles and placed them against David's chest. She shocked him once, causing his body to jolt once the bolt of electricity hit him.
"David!"
"Becca, what's wrong with him!" Jordan asked from afar, although none of them knew what was truly going on.
"You have to save him," Becca cried desperately. "Please. You can't let him die, not today! We're supposed to be graduating from college!"
"Okay, charge to two-hundred. Clear!"
"Becca, what's going on!"
"This is the biggest day of our lives..."
"WHERE IN THE HELL IS HUNT?!"
☆
"Black, talk to me," Owen demanded as he walked into trauma room three, where Billie was doing her best to improve David's vital signs.
"Systolic is stabilizing, but he's still having multiple arrhythmias," she explained. "I'm thinking cardiac contusions. I'm about to use a chest tube."
Owen assessed the situation briefly, then nodded. "You got this, Black."
When the attending left the room, he was replaced by Billie's intern, John, who walked in wearing a yellow trauma gown.
"I've got blood," he said.
"Put it in the rapid infuser," Billie demanded.
"Are my friends here? Did you see Pete?" David asked, slightly short of breath.
"Which one's Pete?"
"He's wearing red sneakers. And Michelle. She dyed her hair blue for graduation," he explained. "Did you see her? Is she okay?"
Billie turned to John in query and he sighed, knowing what her look meant.
"I'll find them," he said before rushing out of the room.
Other than Billie's thumping heart, there was quiet for a second.
"My whole family is coming," David said.
"I know, it's a big day." Billie grinned widely, trying to soothe comfort into the stressful situation.
"For them," he breathed out. "Today is for them."
Then, his eyes rolled to the back of his head and the heart monitor went off.
"V-fib, he's coding," Billie stated. "Get the paddles!"
☆
"Okay, we've been at this for twenty minutes, this can't-" Billie panted out as she carried out the chest compressions whilst John manhandled the Ambu bag. "He has to graduate today."
Just then, Owen walked in. "Fill me in, Black."
"Put in the first chest tube, but there's no blood. Tried another one, but there's no pulse."
"How long has he been down?"
"Twenty minutes," John said.
"I could open his chest..." Billie whispered under her breath as she held the chest compressions, rallying through her brain in order to find a solution to her problem.
"He's gone, Black," Owen stated. "Move on."
"No, he's supposed to graduate-"
"Black, he's done."
"I can't just-!"
"Black, let it go!" Owen declared impatiently. "He's done. He's gone. You can't save him, so you move on to save the people you can. There's more trauma coming in."
Billie didn't stop.
"Black, now."
"Jesus fucking-" she cursed under her breath, but eventually stopped the compressions. She wiped her face. "Rogers, call it."
The intern hesitated as the resident angrily ripped out her latex gloves.
Finally, he said: "Time of death, 9:24."
☆
The blood was pouring down to the floor despite Billie's useless attempts at tamponading the wound. At her feet, staining her boots, the crimson pooled.
"Okay, x-ray's really backed up, but-" John said as he arrived at a sprint, but he froze. "Hey, that's Pete."
"What?" Billie bit back angrily.
"David's friend, Pete. The- the red sneakers," he said under his breath.
"I really can't- could you just get over here and help me? He's bleeding through the dressing on the chest wound," she groaned out exasperatedly.
Immediately, John breathed in and rushed to her side in order to help her apply pressure to the wound that kept dripping blood onto a puddle on the floor.
"Pulse is 220," he announced as he checked the heart monitor.
Billie immediately placed her stethoscope on Pete's chest. "Pericardial infusion. Get me a syringe and a spinal needle."
"Yes, doctor," the nurse said, handing her the instruments required. "Here you go."
"I'm going in through the wound," Billie stated as she stuck the needle softly into the chest wound, then began draining the blood. "Okay, I'm gonna need another syringe, quickly."
"I- there's too much blood," John stuttered, seeming nervous.
"Just keep the goddamn syringes coming," Billie spat out. "Give me a sixty cc this time."
The monitor went haywire.
"Asystole, he's flat-lining," the intern said.
"Fuck. Get the cardio board. And just- keep holding pressure." Billie blew out some air, obviously exasperated. "Okay, I'm starting compressions."
The flatline on the heart monitor spiked every time Billie pressed down on Pete's chest, but that was an indicator for nothing other than an artificial heartbeat caused by the movement of her hands.
"Billie..." John said after a few seconds.
"Just keep putting pressure! I am not losing another one."
Some more minutes went by. The more time she spent doing chest compressions, the more hope John lost. But Billie was not giving up: she wasn't about to suffer two losses in an hour. Until...
"Billie," John said, letting go of the pressure he was applying on the chest wound.
"No, what are you doing? I told you to keep pressure there," Billie said through a heave.
"Billie," he repeated. "Billie, he's gone."
"No, he's not gone. Not until I say so."
"Billie, it's been twenty-three minutes. He lost too much blood, he's gone."
"He's getting to his graduation, okay?" Billie yelled back, feeling her eyes burning in strain.
John looked at her sympathetically and placed both his hands on her elbows. Billie tried to squirm out of his grip, but in the end, there was no fighting it. Slowly, she pulled away from the dying patient and felt disgusted by the beep of the flatline.
"Time of death, 10:03," John called, knowing the resident wouldn't.
Billie boiled in rage as she slammed her hand against the wall, leaving a handprint of blood.
"FUCK!"
☆
"Dr. Hunt, I just lost another one," Billie said angrily as soon as she walked into trauma room three, where Owen was treating a blue-haired girl. "All my patients are dying, I need you to pull me."
"That's for me to decide. There's an ambulance coming in, go see what you can do," Owen replied without paying her much attention.
Billie clenched her jaw. "I'm in over my head."
"Walk away, Black," the attending demanded.
The resident glared at the back of his head, but in the end, she pivoted on her heel and decided to leave the room. However, as she made it her job to do so, she came face to face with none other than John.
He frowned, looking at Owen's patient. "That's Michelle. She dyed her hair blue for graduation."
Billie simply walked right past him.
☆
"What do we have?" Billie asked halfheartedly as a paramedic rolled a new stretcher into the ER. The patient on it was a girl wearing a bright pink sweater.
"She had a pulse in the field, but we haven't been able to get one now for over thirty minutes," the paramedic explained as Billie checked her pupils, seconded closely by John. "I'm pretty sure we left half her blood volume on the side of the road."
Billie lifted the sheet on top of her, exposing her abdomen-or what used to be it, since now, organs and blood were all that was left.
"She's DOA, dude," the paramedic said as Billie and John looked up, eyes wide in horror. "I just need you to call it."
"Jesus Christ," John whispered under his breath.
Cristina arrived at a sprint. "Crap. Pink sweater. That's Jordan's girlfriend, uhm- move her out of here."
"I need you to call it!"
"Time of death-"
"Dana!" Jordan, who had come out of his room carrying his IV bag, screamed out grievously. "Dana, no!"
He fell to the floor on both his knees, causing both Callie and Cristina, as well as two more nurses, to run to his aid before he hurt himself.
"No, I need to see her!" he screamed as he sobbed violently. "No! No, please, no! No!"
Billie felt choked up. "Time of death, 10:45."
As she used her two fingers to close the deceased girl's eyelids softly, Cristina looked up. "He's coding. Get a crash cart!"
☆
Billie watched as the nurses cleared and cleaned the trauma room where Jordan had been treated. Two other nurses had already done the same thing for Pete's and David's rooms. All of their bodies would be taken to the morgue next. They were all dead bodies now.
Ironically, Owen came up behind her as she gazed into the nothingness. "Good work today, Black."
"Good work." Billie scoffed under her breath, then turned. "Good work? Those kids are dead. All of them, they're dead."
"Not all of them," Owen clarified.
"Oh, right, yeah. The one girl I didn't touch was just fine."
"Yeah, because I was able to get to her," he emphasized. "And the reason I was, the only reason, was because I had you on my team. You saved that girl today as much as I did."
"Yeah, okay." Billie scoffed to herself, then decided to walk past him. However, Owen spoke again, so she was forced to turn.
"Trauma's a team sport, Black," he said. "You don't have to be the hero, you just- you just have to go where you're needed."
There was a moment of quiet. Owen was, of course, right. But Billie really despised trauma.
"I don't like you very much, Hunt," she said after a brief sniffle.
Owen smile. "No, I know."
☆
Billie arrived at the residents lounge that afternoon. It was almost completely empty, since everyone was already either at or heading to the church where Meredith and Derek's wedding would be taking place. Of course, Billie was excited, but her eventful day had also left her quite exhausted.
It had been a long time since the last time she'd lost so many patients in one same day and she had to be honest, she didn't miss it one bit. Out of six patients that had come into the ER, only one had survived and that crushed Billie, leaving her so emotionally drained that the only thing she wanted to do was go back home and sleep.
She was defeated. So, the way she replied when she was called, especially recognizing who it was that was calling her, was not entirely her fault.
"Billie," Alex beckoned from the doorway.
"No," she said immediately, facing her locker without bothering to even turn.
She was, under no circumstances, in the sane conditions to face him right now, or to have another fight. She'd deal with him once she felt better.
Alex hesitated, but spoke again, "Billie."
"No," she repeated, growing anguished.
"Billie-!"
"I said no!" she yelled out, turning abruptly only to meet eyes with Alex, who was somehow already wearing a tuxedo. "No, Alex, I don't wanna talk to you, I don't wanna see you. Please, just- just leave me alone."
"Billie..."
"Stop saying my name!" Billie raised her hands by her sides, eyes closed as a way of shielding herself from negative stimulation. "Just- Please, Alex, I am begging you... just go away."
Once again, she turned back to her locker, eyes on the floor. She didn't know whether Alex had gone or stayed, but she no longer heard him calling out for her. Part of her was torn to pieces, part of her rose triumphant.
"Billie," someone else called out.
"What?" Billie huffed out in exasperation, annoyed at the fact that people kept insisting on calling her name.
She backed away slowly and plopped down on the bench with her head down and her eyes on the floor, tears of exhaustion blurring her vision.
Meredith came up and sat next to her. "Billie, Alex needs you right now."
"What are you talking about?" she breathed out tiredly, massaging her temples to soothe the growing headache.
"I'm talking about the fact that Izzie has cancer," Meredith stated. "And I get that you and Alex are fighting. And, yes, he's an asshole and he should be apologizing to you." She paused. "But you're his best friend. And his girlfriend, the woman he loves, has cancer. She could die. Alex needs you, Billie."
Billie sniffled, tears beginning a stream down her cheeks. But Billie hated crying. She hated crying because tears felt like spiders. Billie hated spiders. So she wiped her face in a split second.
"I just don't get what I did to him," she whispered, despising her current state of vulnerability.
"You did nothing. It's not your fault that he treats you the way he does, it's just some other issue he's got going on. But you did nothing wrong," Meredith smoothed her palm in circles around Billie's back, trying to soothe her as much as she was capable of.
There was a moment of silence. Billie felt like screaming, like ripping out her own throat due to the sorrow that weighed her down.
"Alex is getting married today," Meredith revealed after a second, sparking a bolt of shock on Billie's chest. Those were words she never thought she would hear.
The brunette turned towards her with a frown, trying to understand whether there was some sort of hidden meaning to the blonde's words. "What?"
"Derek and I gave Izzie and Alex our wedding in case, you know... in case they don't get any more time," she explained. "Their hours are counted, ours aren't."
"And he... proposed to her?" Billie's voice broke. As much as she didn't want to, the news somehow ached.
"Yes," Meredith replied.
She didn't know how to feel. She didn't know whether to cry, laugh, scream. She was feeling a rollercoaster of emotions, all mixed up into a cocktail of different sensations that hurt her, slashed her, and, mostly, confused her. She didn't know in what direction to head.
Billie didn't want to be selfish. She didn't want to hate Izzie for marrying Alex, or to hate Alex for forgetting her. He owed her nothing. Even thought she'd asked him for time, it wasn't his fault he wasn't patient enough to give it to her. After all, she'd broken up with him. But somewhere, deep inside her brain, some small part of her had believed they could exist again. Together.
So yes, even though she didn't want it to, it hurt. It burnt her skin raw.
But she wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't with her.
"Billie," Meredith finally called. "Alex doesn't have a best man."
☆
Billie didn't quite feel in her element as she strode about a church, wearing a burgundy slit dress that rippled with her step and certainly did a good job accentuating her every curve. She hadn't had enough time to get ready as she would've wanted to, but in the end, the final product had been satisfying enough. Now, her matching t-strap stilettos clicked against the floor as she rushed around the (huge) building, searching for the place she was supposed to get to.
It took her a hot minute to finally arrive at the wedding hall, but once she did, she was surprised to find Alex standing behind the closed doors, hands latched together and some sort of panic on his face. Billie noticed him taking some deep breaths as if to steady himself.
At first, Billie simply stared at him, relishing the sight of the man she craved, but couldn't have. He was pretty.
"Heard you needed a best man," she said after a moment.
Alex turned almost instantly, like he'd recognize her voice anywhere. As soon as he saw her, his eyes softened almost as fast as the flash of a shooting star, as if the mere sight of her was relief enough in such stressful moment. Billie's smile rested peaceful on her face.
"Billie." Alex blew out some air, like alleviated from a great weight. "You came."
"You thought I wouldn't?" She grinned widely, sorely.
His eyes traveled her body. "You look..."
Billie cocked a brow, like urging him to speak for her own satisfaction. Alex knew she was cocky-he loved it.
"I look...?"
"You look..." Alex stuttered out again, as if trying to find the right word to describe her. He didn't care that he was submerged to complete submission, down to his knees for her only. "Wow."
Billie chuckled. "Just wait till you see Izzie."
As soon as her words were out of her mouth, Alex's conspicuous contentment was wiped from his face. He cleared his throat and looked down at the floor, causing Billie's expression to shift ever the slightest in concern.
"Billie, there's something I need to tell you," Alex said, almost to himself, as if he feared his own thoughts.
She shook her head. "You don't need to apologize right now."
"But I-"
"No, Alex, please," Billie said softly, taking a step forward and reaching out her hands in order to straighten his suit. As she looked down, he looked at her. "Let's just... let's get you married right now, okay? We'll talk later."
☆
And so, Izzie and Alex got married.
"Today's the day my life begins.
All my life, I've been just me.
Just a smart-mouth kid.
Today, I become a man.
Today, I become a husband.
Today, I become accountable to someone other than myself.
Today, I become accountable to you.
To our future.
To all the possibilities that our marriage has to offer.
Together, no matter what happens, I'll be ready.
For anything.
For everything.
To take on life. To take on love. To take on possibility and responsibility.
Today, Izzie Stevens, our life together begins. And I, for one, can't wait."