Quinn and Negan, Alexandria
We finished our breakfast in silence. Both of us were deep in thoughts. I have no idea what Negan was thinking about, but I was thinking how embarrassed I was about last night again. He seemed like he was over the whole thing, but... I still felt a little pain in my heart. I was still in question. He did tell me last night how he loves me... but was it the truth? He never lied to me, why would he do it now? I was always doubting everything that seemed too good to be true. Even though I knew it was true, I was still doubting myself.
"What are you thinking about so hard?" he asked suddenly, distracting me.
"I'm sorry about last night... We shouldn't have... until we talked everything through," I said turning my eyes away embarrassed.
"Whoa, hey... first of all, there's nothing you should be apologizing for. And second, I thought we talked about everything. Is there something else?" he asked frowning his eyebrows questioningly. I stood up and put the plates in the washer. I let out a small sigh, then I turned around and looked Negan in the eye.
"Unlike you, I can't grow balls, so... it's hard to talk about this," I started. He stood up and took a step closer to me. Even though I was trying to joke he looked pretty serious, maybe a little bit worried.
"Are you in love with Dixon?" he asked suddenly.
"What?! No! How the hell... Negan... I didn't want to talk about him at all," I said taken aback. He let out a sigh of relief.
"Okay... then what?" he asked still frowning his eyebrows.
"All this... since I talked to you in the forest... I felt so disappointed and... heartbroken," I said as I was avoiding eye contact, embarrassed. "I thought you don't feel the same way as I do and I convinced myself about this..."
"Quinn... look at me," he said as he came towards me. I did as he said. He continued while keeping eye contact as he walked to me: "I have no idea how to prove it to you... but what I feel is real. The most real thing in this crazy apocalypse world. I'm not a poet to be able to put it into words... I can't paint it, I can't sing it, hell I can't do anything to show it to you... but I can make you sure, that it is real. And I'm so... so... so sorry for making you feel this way. I never intended to. I was scared of how important you are, but I'm not scared anymore. Because we can beat this shithole world together and we can still be happy, doesn't matter that the dead are eating the living, doesn't matter what I did, doesn't matter what Maggie thinks... Nothing matters. Only you matter. And that we can be together. Wish I could show you or tell you how important you are but... sometimes even I get embarrassed and shy you know..." he said as he turned his eyes away at the end, while his face went slightly red. It felt like my heart pounded a heavy one after each and every word he said. He was the most adorable thing in the world with his red cheeks.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to force it out of you or make you uncomfortable..." I said, but he caressed my cheek and I stopped.
"You didn't force me. This wanted to come out for a while. Wish I could tell you more, but I'm not good at this," he said, chuckling embarrassed.
"You don't have to say anything, Negan. Just stay with me," I said as I gently took his hand. He looked me in the eye once again as he replied.
"I won't go anywhere without you," he stated. I slipped my hands on his waist and hugged him, while I placed my ear on his chest. I loved listening to his heartbeat and there was a race right now. He hugged me back, it felt so good. I felt warm and cozy and loved again. Maybe he was really telling the truth. I buried my face in his chest and he leaned his head over my head.
"I'll try my best not to break your heart again," he said quietly with that warm, loving tone.
"And I'll try my best not to convince myself about bullshit without asking you first," I said as I looked up at him. He smiled at me and leaned in to kiss me but it was just a peck on my lips as there was a knock on the door.
"This must be Carol," I said as I stepped to the door.
"Hey, not again!" said Negan. I forgot I was wearing a quite see-through T-shirt and panties. "I got it," he said as he walked to the door, getting ahead of me.
"You aren't wearing more clothes than I do..." I said but by the time I finished he opened the door.
"Holy crap, Negan, put on some clothes," said Carol frowning her eyebrows disapprovingly.
"I'm not shy," stated Negan proudly.
"Ugh," said Carol, rolling her eyes.
"Hi!" I said while I was hiding behind Negan.
"Hi, honey! Tell me you're wearing clothes," she said.
"Some," I said smiling impishly. I learned it from Negan.
"Jesus Christ... Okay, this is some food for lunch and dinner, but only enough for today. I'll have to come over tomorrow too, so... please wear clothes," she said as she handed Negan the boxes.
"Thank you so much!" I said.
"How are you?" asked Carol.
"Well... we talked it all through, so I'm good," I said smiling.
"Talked..." said Carol forming quotation marks with her hands. I turned my eyes to the ground embarrassed.
"Yeah, we talked it all through... verbally and non-verbally as well," stated Negan smiling.
"Good... I'm glad," said Carol. "Too much information," she added with a funny expression, then she glanced back at me. "Enjoy your meal and please, wear clothes tomorrow!" she said as she waved goodbye and left. As Negan closed the door we burst into laughter.
"You're such an idiot!" I said wiping my tears. "We talked non-verbally? What the hell?" I repeated his words, while he was chuckling too. He brought the boxes to the kitchen.
"Should I've lied to her?" he asked as he threw his arms questioningly with an innocent look on his face. I stepped to him and pushed his chest gently, still smiling.
"But we should really dress up tomorrow," I said.
"If I must," he said as he let out a sigh.
"I'm starting to feel a bit cold, I'm going back to bed," I said.
"Is this a booty call?" asked Negan with that impish look again.
"Don't get any ideas, I'm really just cold," I said as I was already halfway upstairs. I heard him following me. I nestled back in bed, it was so comfortable. He lay down next to me and glanced at me.
"Better?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said as I wrapped myself in the blanket like a caterpillar.
"How can you feel so cold? I'm perfectly fine," he said wondering.
"I dunno," I said smiling. Negan frowned his eyebrows and put his hand on my forehead, checking if I had a fever.
"Nope," he said as he took his hand away.
"Nope, I just get cold easily," I said. My eyes fell to the bandage on his arm. My expression turned into concern as I came out from under the blanket. Negan watched me with interest as I took his arm and gently pulled the bandage off. I was examining the wound while Negan was watching me the entire time. Somehow, I didn't get embarrassed this time, his injury was important. "It heals nicely," I said, still looking at the wound. "I'll bring a fresh one," I said and headed to the bathroom to get another bandage. I grabbed enough to put it on his thigh too. I went back, he was examining his wound this time, then he glanced back at me as I stepped next to him to bandage it. I leaned closer to his arm and concentrated on putting it on, then as I finished suddenly he kissed me out of the blue. I kissed him back gently, then after a while, I backed away.
"I didn't expect that," I admitted.
"I know," he said pleased with himself for how he caught me off-guard. I kissed his shoulder, then I turned my gaze to his thigh, checking that wound too. It was fine. I put the bandage on it and kissed his thigh. Then I looked at him, he was looking at me questioningly.
"Heals faster," I explained the random kisses.
"I bet they do," he said smiling. I sat next to him on the bed and gently put my hand under his chin and slightly turned his face towards me, so I could check the wounds on his cheek.
"They are healing nicely too," I said, then I looked at the wound on his lip as I slightly touched it with my thumb. I got mesmerized for a second, then I backed away embarrassed, and sat on my heels.
"Thank you, nurse," he said. "And by the way... nice boobs," he added while he winked at me. I completely forgot that I was wearing his T-shirt without any bra. My face exploded with redness, I quickly turned away as he was chuckling.
"Oh my god," I said embarrassed with my back towards him, covering my face.
"Look at me, please," said Negan still chuckling softly. "Quinn... Quinnie... Please, look at me," he asked while leaning his head slightly to one side. I turned around and glanced at him with a completely red face. "Aww... you look so cute," he said smiling widely.
"Haha..." I said sarcastically, then after a moment of pause I asked: "Did you just call me Quinnie?"
"I guess I did," he said frowning his eyebrows, thinking. "You don't like it?"
"Actually, I like it... Nobody ever called me that," I said.
"Noted," he said as he reached his hand towards me. "You look so cute when you're blushing. Come here," he said now gently, still smiling. I grabbed his hand and nestled close to him. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable," he said as he stroked my hair.
"I think you did," I said. He chuckled.
"Maybe a little bit. But you look so adorable when you're blushing."
"Wish I could make you blush too," I admitted.
"Maybe you can," he said. I sat back up, straightened my back, and looked him in the eyes.
"How?" I asked.
"Try me," he said smiling, waiting for what I come up with. He was blushing in the morning when he told me how much he loves me, but I didn't want to force him to say something like that again. So instead, it popped into my head that he liked it when I leaned close to him but I didn't kiss him, so I figured I'll try that. So I leaned closer to him, very slowly and I stopped so close that our lips were almost touching. I glanced at him, he was looking at me curiously.
"Nothing?" I asked as I quickly backed away.
"Nope, but you made yourself blush again," he pointed out.
"Oh crap," I said as I covered my face again. "Okay, I don't have any ideas," I said giving up as I nestled back under the blanket.
"Next time," he said smiling adorably, he looked so handsome. I leaned my head against his shoulder, he embraced me with one arm. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes without saying anything, then Negan was the one who broke the silence. "You really thought that I wanted to break up with you?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah," I said. "I told you how I feel and you didn't say anything, then you avoided me. What else should I have thought?"
"It's hard to say these kinds of things, but... I really do love you. And nothing can change that," he said quietly in that warm, loving voice.
"I'll try to make myself believe it. Somehow... it was easier to believe that I wasn't good enough for you."
"Good enough?" he asked disapprovingly.
"You have experience with women. And I have barely any with men. You have a lot of them who you can compare me with."
"Where do you get these ideas?" he asked taken aback. "I don't even think about them, not even for a second."
"Not even Lucille?" I asked as I straightened my back to look him in the eyes.
"No. I thought about Lucille, but the only reason was that I said sorry to her for moving on."
As I heard his answer I felt ashamed suddenly.
"I'm so sorry... I didn't want to make you feel bad. I'm sure she was amazing and I'm... I'm not," I said avoiding eye contact.
"You don't have confidence, but you should, because you're amazing too," he said. "Both of you are amazing but in a different way. I don't want to think about Lucille. I already told you, she's just a beautiful memory now."
I nodded understandingly while my eyes became teary as I felt sorry for his loss and sorry for myself for not being confident.
"Hey... come on," he said gently and pulled me into a hug. I buried my face in his neck and he pecked my cheek. "You are amazing," he repeated to reassure me.
I nodded slightly.
"Are you warm enough?" he asked as he pulled the blanket up to cover my back.
"Now, I am," I said as we were still cuddling, keeping each other warm. I should stop overthinking everything and just accept what was going on.
...
Author's notes: Listen to "Afterglow" by Taylor Swift.
Thank You for reading! ❤