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CHAPTER FORTY-F
haunt you every day.
season four, episode five.
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Billie, Alex and Izzie were sitting on the kitchen table on dawn of Halloween, each engaged on their own individual task due to being unable sleep, when Meredith walked in, holding an urn in her hands.
"What are you guys doing up?" she asked.
"Couldn't sleep," the three chorused.
Meredith nodded and then walked up to the kitchen, retrieving a freezer bag from one of the drawers. She proceeded to offload the contents of the urn-the ashes of her mother-into the bag, causing Izzie and Billie to look up in horror.
"What is that?"
The blonde turned, expressionless. "My mother."
Alex grimaced in disgust. "Happy freaking Halloween."
☆
Later that day, already in the locker room and changed into their scrubs, Izzie, Alex, Billie and Sydney Heron were all looking at Meredith, who was stashing her mother in her cubby. Cristina walked in with a frown.
"What are we looking at?" she asked.
"Meredith put her mom in a baggie and brought her to work," Billie explained, squinting at the sight of her person manhandling the bag on her hand.
"I had to get her out of my closet. She was haunting me," she excused.
"And now she's haunting us all." Alex pressed his lips together.
Meredith shrugged. "I'm putting her to rest."
"Meredith is cleansing." Sydney nodded. "In tribal culture, when one wants to cleanse the past, one cuts off all of one's hair and buries it in the earth. You might try that too."
They all looked at the third-year resident weirdly, but just then, Callie walked in with a clipboard on her hand. "Okay, listen up. Today is a holiday, which means the pit will be overrun. You've got the usual drunken stupidity."
"And then you've got Seattle's annual chainsaw pumpkin carving contest." Bailey smiled widely, walking in behind the chief resident. "I love this city."
"Stay on your toes, stay on top of your interns, okay?" Callie added.
"So, we should round before getting to the pit, or...?" Izzie asked, but the brunette cut her off.
"Yeah, you should direct your questions to Dr. Bailey, Stevens."
"Oh, we're directing our questions to Dr. Bailey?" Cristina frowned.
"Oh, not you. Just Stevens." Callie shook her head. Billie arched an eyebrow, amused.
"Why is Stevens directing her questions to Dr. Bailey?" she asked innocently, although knowing the answer to the question.
Callie clicked her tongue. "Because she's been sleeping with my husband."
The room stood in shock and they all glanced over at Izzie with different emotions displayed upon their faces. Howbeit, Callie simply smiled.
"Alrighty, then. Have a good day."
Once she walked out of the room, everybody turned to the blonde, but she simply laughed nervously, retrieved her lab coat and immediately ran out of the room. Cristina huffed and turned to Meredith.
"Okay, this is even more disturbing than your bag full of mommy."
☆
Billie sighted Mark near a station, talking to nurse Olivia. She approached the scene, but before she could tap her friend on the shoulder to get his attention, the nurse was speaking.
"Don't do that. Don't smile at me," Olivia told Mark angrily.
Another nurse approached them. "Don't smile at her. Don't smile at me either."
"We're on to you!"
"We've compared notes."
"Compared notes, really?" Mark asked disbelievingly and Billie squinted amusedly.
"Uh-huh. Compared notes, compared pick-up lines, compared techniques." Olivia shook her head melodramatically.
"Techniques?"
The two nurses nodded. "Identical."
"Identical," Mark repeated.
"We've formed a club. Nurses United Against Mark Sloan." Olivia raised his eyebrow at him.
Mark stayed quiet for a second before he leant in, cheeky smirk on his face. "Are there any, uh... club activities?"
Billie snorted with little decorum, catching his attention, just as the two nurses turned and walked away angrily. Mark looked at her and smiled.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi. Uh, I wanted to talk to you." She cleared her throat. "Actually, I wanted to apologize. About what happened the other day. I was kind of a bitch. In fact, these days, it seems like I'm being a bitch to everybody, which I really don't know what it is about, but I, uh- well, point is, I wanted to say sorry. Really. I'm sorry I was such a jerk, all... all those things that I said, I just, I wanted you to know that they weren't really... you know."
"Oh, Billie, you don't have to worry about that." He frowned and shook his head. "It's okay, I, uh... I actually needed to tell you something about that, but I think I can tell you later."
Billie was about to insist for him to tell her now when Mark saw something over her shoulder, causing her to turn out of curiosity. Behind her, she found Derek, who the plastic surgeon greeted with open arms.
"Oh, man. You would not believe what just happened to me," he said.
Derek stood stone-faced. "There's a... kid looking for you."
"What?"
The dark-haired man proceeded to take a step to the side in order to give way to a little kid behind him, whose eyes lit up as soon as he saw Mark. Billie frowned.
The kid looked up. "Daddy?"
Immediately, Mark's eyes widened. "What?"
"Oh, I knew it!" Billie punched the air triumphantly, but before she could claim her five dollars from Derek, the kid laughed along with the man, who handed him a bill.
"Nicely done," he praised. Mark breathed out heavily.
"I'll be getting you back for that." He panted due to the momentary scare, taking his hand to his chest in relief.
"Looking forward to it." Derek grinned cheekily.
Billie slapped her knee at the missed opportunity of stealing five bucks from him. "Oh, man."
The neurosurgeon walked away, but the kid stayed and took a step forward towards Mark. "You're not my father. But I am hoping you'll build me some ears."
☆
Billie, Mark and Ryan, the little boy, sat in a conference room with a set of different letters in color papers displayed in front of them.
Meredith walked in. "You found him."
"You two know each other? You know his parents?" Mark asked the blonde, holding one of the letters in his hands.
"His mom works in the cafeteria," she answered, then looked down at the many papers. "What's all this?"
"It's letters from the kids in my class," Ryan answered.
"Letters to me," Mark groaned.
"He has the internal structure to hear, he just... doesn't have the canal or the external structure," Billie explained as she eyed one of the letters.
"So I thought if I came in with my letters, Dr. Sloan might feel sorry for me and do the surgery for free."
Mark sighed, "Look, I'd like to help. I would if I could, but pro bono surgery-"
"You should probably know that on my way here this morning, three different people thought I was in a costume. My head looks like a permanent Halloween costume," the kid cut him off intently. "Just thought you should know that."
Billie squinted at him. "You're good."
Ryan smiled triumphantly.
"Pro bono surgery's not just about me giving you my time. A surgery like this requires OR time, an anesthesiologist, a general surgeon to remove the cartilage from your ribs, at least two surgical nurses." Mark shook his head.
"Couldn't you ask them for help?"
He hesitated. "I could. But I don't have any social capital."
"The nurses hate him. They've formed a club that's all about hating him." Billie snorted. "And the other doctors don't owe him any favors because he's never done anything for them."
Mark looked at her with his lips pressed together into a line.
"Pretty much." He then turned to Ryan. "I'm sorry. I wish I could help. I would if I could."
There was a moment of silence. The kid looked down at the floor sadly, disappointed. However, Billie shook her head.
"I have social capital," she said. "I've covered almost all attendings' post and pre-op notes and chores that were too boring to do, I've saved many of the residents' asses from getting fired and I'm friends with all of the nurses."
"I also have social capital," Meredith added. "Or I don't. Nobody knows me, but they knew my mother. So maybe we can make this happen."
Mark hesitated, looking over at the kid and then at the two eager residents, then sighing. "Fine, make it happen. You manage that, I'm all yours."
☆
Billie had summoned a brief meeting with her interns, so they were all now standing in front of her by the nurses station expectantly. The resident looked up at them, towing Ryan behind her, who was eager to get the treasure hunt started.
"Okay, people, see this kid here?" Billie beckoned towards him and his hearing aids. "He's got no ears. That's right, no ears. And it is my job right now to get him his ears. So, I have to put up an entire OR, with surgeons and everything, in order to do that. That's where you come in." She gestured towards her interns. "John, Adrian, you're in charge of getting me my OR and my anesthesiologist. Make it Dr. Philip, if that's possible. Cassie, you'll get me the scrub nurses; at least two of them, but get three, if you wanna be generous. Robbie, Jay, you're gonna get me the surgeons; we need a general surgeon, Dr. Bailey, and the plastic surgeon we already got. And I will handle the Chief, the business talk. Understood?"
The interns looked at each other and nodded excitedly, already setting their mindsets for their respective tasks.
"People, if you can do this, not only will you be fulfilling a little kid's dream, but you will also be getting an in on a top surgery with one of the best plastic surgeons in the East Coast." Billie grinned widely, then turned to Ryan with overemphasized pity. "Just look at him, poor thing. He has no friends."
He frowned. "I do have friends."
"Shut up, I'm tryna make a point." She nudged him, then turned back to her interns. "So, we got this?"
"Yes, ma'am," they instantly chorused.
"Okay! Move, move, move." Billie urged them away, watching as they dispersed in different directions. "Don't forget to stay hydrated and eat your meals, kids! See you in the OR!"
☆
Later that day, Billie stood in the Chief's office with a smile on her face, looking the man on the chair. She knew Ryan was waiting for his signal to come in right on the other side of the door, peeking in through the wall, so she hastily spoke up.
"I have an earless boy."
Webber frowned. "I'm sorry?"
"Mark has agreed to build him ears pro bono. If you will donate the OR and all the equipment."
He shook his head, "I'm sorry, Black, my pro bono slate is full-" As he spoke, Billie gestured for Ryan to walk in, carrying an empty pillowcase. "-there are protocols to be followed, all sorts of red tape-"
"Trick or treat!" the kid chanted, catching the Chief's attention.
"Get it? He's trick-or-treating. For ears." Billie pouted, but seemed overly-excited regardless.
"Black."
"You know, my mother? She was really big on pro bono surgeries. Said it wasn't the money what mattered, but making people happy," she said. "In fact, she once moved an entire hospital in order to treat a little girl's temporal hollowing, and she managed to-"
"Okay, okay, I get it." Webber stopped her, glancing over briefly at Ryan with a hard look that finally melted. "OR 2 is free at six p.m."
Immediately, both Billie and Ryan smiled in victory, turning to each other and fist-bumping triumphantly.
☆
After a very long afternoon where all of Billie's interns were scattered around the hospital requesting for the things needed, the resident finally left Ryan to the care of his mother and went over to the cafeteria for some lunch. She gathered her food and sat by Meredith and Cristina, who were already there.
Much to Billie's dislike, however, Meredith's mother was there too.
"You could scatter her off the roof," Cristina suggested.
The blonde shook her head. "She was afraid of heights."
"They're ashes, Meredith." Billie stared her deadpan.
"I need to put my mother to rest. I need to not become her. I need to not die emotionally crippled and alone. And I need to not attend the wedding of Derek Shepherd and Sydney Heron," Meredith said frustratedly. "I need to put my mother to rest."
Cristina frowned. "Sydney Heron?"
"What does she have to do with any of this?" Billie stabbed a piece of pineapple and took it to her mouth.
Before Meredith could give any explanations, George and Izzie came up to the table and sat by the three girls with their own food trays. Billie moved her chair further away from the blonde as soon as she was there, pretending not to notice her presence. Immediately followed the newly couple's arrival, an awkward silence invaded them.
"Just ask," Izzie finally said.
"So, you two are together?" Meredith wondered hesitantly.
"Yeah."
"Like, together together? In love together? Sexy love, not sibling love."
Izzie sighed. "Yes. Yeah, we're together."
"And... you two have been... I mean, without any of us knowing... doing this the whole time?" Meredith gestured awkwardly. Billie didn't say anything.
"Just once," the blonde replied.
"Iz!" George nudged her quietly.
"I said she could ask questions." Izzie lowered her voice, then turned back to Meredith. "Just once. And now we're waiting to be together. Out of respect."
"For Callie's feelings," George finished.
Cristina stood up and walked away in disbelief just as Billie scoffed sorely. "So much for that respect."
Izzie squinted, "You have something to say, Billie?"
"A great deal, actually." The brunette slammed her fork on the table. "That respect you're talking about, is what you two should've had before you got plastered off your asses and decided to have sex. Which, by the way, happened only once, and now you love each other? It seems to me like someone-" Billie turned to Izzie with very little discretion. "-is becoming an expert at manipulating."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means, that less than a few months back, you were laying in the bathroom floor, pretending to be all sad after having killed the man you claimed was the love of your life. You told Alex you weren't ready, you told everyone you weren't ready, but oh, no, here you are. Congratulations, you've done it again. And now you're with George, who, I might as well add, is married to an amazing woman who's twice the person you'll ever be. And I am so beyond sorry that I am the only person in this hospital who actually speaks truth and is able to tell you, to your face, that you are the biggest lying, fake, manipulating bitch ever." She stood up. "So, yes, Isobel, I have a great deal of very interesting stuff I want to say. But that's all for now. I wouldn't wanna hurt your feelings."
Billie proceeded to storm out of the cafeteria with the three remaining friends' eyes on her. Meredith who had been left alone by her two persons in a very awkward situation, turned towards the couple.
"They're not judging," she said, even though they very much were.
☆
After having diluted her anger with a carton of apple juice, Billie gathered her interns and looked for Ryan, clipboard in her hand.
"Okay, so, we have one plastic surgeon, a general surgeon, an anesthesiologist; one, two, three scrub nurses; and an OR," she numbered with a smile. "Let's call your mom, little guy. You're gonna get some new ears!"
Ryan smiled widely, then proceeded to wrap his arms around Billie's stomach tightly. The resident hugged him back.
"Thank you so much, Dr. Black!" He nuzzled up into her. "I'm gonna go tell your mom."
"You go do that," she finished up.
Ryan let go of her and then proceeded to waltz his way down the hallway, cheering to his new soon-to-be ears. With a fond smile, Billie turned towards the five interns that were eagerly waiting for their praises.
"Okay, kids, you did well. I am proud. I am a proud mother." She nodded. "Surgery's at six, do not miss it if you don't want me to put you on scut for what's left of the months. And guys-" She smiled. "-thank you for your help."
"Well... it was kinda fun. Especially when Rogers tripped on his own feet because he was too in a hurry looking for Dr. Webber." Adrian laughed vividly, nudging John on the ribs with his elbow, but the man simply rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Literally, face-first to the floor."
Billie giggled. "Okay, now. Go find Dr. Sloan. Tell him we're all set for the surgery."
All of the interns immediately scurried down the hallway with their resident's eyes fixed fondly on them, but John decided to stay behind in order to have a word with Billie.
"Rogers?" she called once she saw him.
"I wanted to thank you, Dr. Black. You've been really great help for me. And letting us assist in this procedure is... really, thank you." He cleared his throat. "Or whatever."
Billie laughed widely, noticing the resemblance with a certain someone she knew far too well. "You know, you really do remind me of someone I know."
"Oh," he said awkwardly, evidently not used to shedding much smiles. "Thanks?"
"Yeah, whatever." She rolled her eyes playfully. "Go away, now. I'll see you in surgery."
☆
Billie met Mark, Bailey, Meredith and Ryan in the OR, which led off into a very successful surgery. They managed to build the kid his new ears and Billie left the OR feeling renewed. However, that newly-found smile she was now carrying was wiped away when she arrived at the locker room, ready to go home, and was met with Alex and Meredith.
Alex was... crying.
Or so it seemed.
In a second, something inside her was forcing Billie to hide behind the wall and sharpen her ear to eavesdrop on the conversation, even if everything in her told her it was wrong.
"...and I- I don't know how to fix this, I don't know what to do to make this right," Alex said, his voice shaky, as if he was drawing back his tears. "I want things to go back to what they were."
Suddenly, Billie got an awful feeling it was her they were talking about.
"Alex, I..." Meredith began. "You have to understand, you really hurt her. She was a hundred percent ready to put her everything on your relationship, she asked you for some time and you couldn't give it to her. She was happy with you, she really was, and she was willing to work on herself, to better herself... for you. Not only did you not wait for her, but you kissed Izzie, out of everyone you could've kissed. You know how she feels about her."
"I know, but what was I supposed to do? Wait for her, for how long? Weeks, months, years. She could've been gone forever, maybe- maybe she wouldn't have even come back in the end," Alex ranted desperately. "And now, Rebecca and I... I don't know. I like Rebecca. But I don't want this, I want Billie back."
There was a pause. Billie held her breath.
"I don't know what to say, Alex. Have you tried talking to her?"
"She's not gonna wanna talk about this, Mer. She's pissed, even if she tries to act like we're friends. We're not, and I don't think I'll ever be able to do that. Be friends with her, what's that? I can't."
Billie thought it was time to interrupt. She cleared her throat sonorously and then stepped out of her hiding spot, pretending the conversation she'd overheard hadn't just snapped her heart into a million pieces.
"Oh, hey," she greeted surreptitiously. "What's up?"
Alex and Meredith both turned to look at her, his lips parted in shock at the sight of her. Meredith smiled and cleared her throat.
"Nothing much, heading home," she said. "You?"
"Oh, same. Wanna ride back together?" Billie suggested. She had a lump in her throat.
Meredith agreed and took a step away towards her cubby, leaving Billie to face Alex. Once their eyes met, Billie drew a small smile which he didn't reciprocate.
After a few minutes, Billie and Meredith were heading home. Billie felt as if she'd just lost something, even though she didn't quite know what.