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CHAPTER FORTY
testing 1-2-3.
season three, episodes twenty-four.
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Finally, the day of the intern exams came.
Billie knew she was going to kill it, she knew for a fact she was going to pass, but the only reason why she was so sure of it was because she'd always freak out prior to her exams. She'd spend two hours minimum studying every night for every test until the answers were engraved in her brain, and because of it, she'd never gotten any less than a hundred percent score in all of her exams.
It was impressive, truly, but all of the weeks prior to the test, she'd have such a bad time that it was difficult for her to stay focused on anything else. Sleeping wasn't even in the picture anymore. She had been so concentrated, studying non-stop for the past two weeks, that she was exhausted, not to mention all of the drama she was currently and reluctantly enduring.
Alex, Mark, Ian, George-those were four names that circled her brain 24/7, causing her to be more stressed than usual due to the fact that she couldn't focus on her studies solely, like she intended. And it wasn't like her to be paying more attention to boys and long-lost brothers rather than to her studies, but something was different this time.
"How do you treat pancreatic divisum?" Billie read from her card as she sat cross-legged on the counter of Meredith's kitchen. "Blondie, you go."
"Ugh, Billie. If you're not gonna let us sleep, you at least have to let me put coffee in my cup," Izzie complained.
"Okay, so go. No one's stopping you." Cristina, who sat next to Billie, shrugged.
"I'm too tired to go." The blonde put her cup back down on the table.
"Pancreatic divisum." Billie flicked the card in the air.
"Dorsal duct sphincterotomy," Alex replied, sitting by Izzie on the table.
"I wasn't asking you," the brunette said wryly, still holding residual anger towards him because of the scene she had witnessed, even if he was oblivious to it. "But correct. You do me now."
"I can't believe O'Malley's missing this. How's he gonna be ready?" Alex asked, taking the flash cards Billie was handing him.
At the mention of her friend, Billie tensed a little when she noticed Izzie letting out a sigh, which only made her wonder if anything else had happened between the two during the time she hadn't spoken to George. She was still pretty much mad.
"Oh, you're kidding, right? We have Callie's cards, but George has-" Cristina frowned.
"George has Callie," Izzie finished off the sentence melancholically.
Billie glared at her. She had considered forgiving the blonde for the incident happened with her uncle more than once, but after George had informed her on their current situation, any chances of it had completely obliterated and she had gone back to hating Izzie's guts, although, too, oblivious to her.
Alex dismissed Izzie's comment. "What is the most frequent cause of diarrhea in hospitalized patients?"
"Is she coming to this bachelorette thing tonight?" the blonde asked.
"Rotavirus. And yes," Cristina replied, but then shook her head. "No, no, no, salmonella."
"Diarrhea in hospitalized patients," Alex repeated just as Meredith walked into the kitchen, wearing an all-black outfit for Susan Grey's funeral.
"Most frequent cause of diarrhea in hospitalized patients is C. Diff, which can lead to toxic megacolon, perforation, sepsis and death," she said as she poured herself some coffee. "That's what killed Susan."
They all watched her with concern until she left the kitchen, knowing she had recently had Susan come into the hospital for hiccups that had resulted in her death.
"Is she okay?" Izzie asked quietly once Meredith was gone.
"Oh, she's fine." Cristina shrugged.
"Dude, she's messed up." Alex shook his head.
"Of course she's messed up. Susan was basically her surrogate mother."
"Yeah, fake mom was better than her real mom." Cristina scoffed, standing up to pour herself some coffee.
Billie bit her lip. "I really liked Susan. She did the groceries and she'd always buy me an extra chocolate tablet."
Alex looked up. "She bought you chocolate? Why didn't I get chocolate?"
Billie blatantly ignored him.
"Is she going to the hospital first or the funeral?" Izzie asked, changing the subject.
"First to the hospital, then to the funeral, then to the test this afternoon."
"Did she even study?" Alex frowned.
"Yeah, she studied, she's fine. She just needs to be left alone, okay?" Cristina rolled her eyes as she poured some coffee into Billie's cup as well. "So, what's inside the carotid sheath?"
☆
All of the interns-excluding Alex, who was with Ava-were standing on the hallway, staring at the ER longingly, where a few hikers who had been stranded in the woods for days were being treated. Due to their exams happening that day, the interns weren't allowed to work or get in on any surgeries, which had really bummed them out when they found out,
"We're supposed to be studying. If Bailey finds out-" Izzie began.
"We are studying!" Cristina cut her off with an innocent smile, then glanced over at the men in the ER who were suffering necrosis due to the cold they had been enduring. "How do you treat frostbite?"
"Re-warm, avoid early surgery unless there's a deep infection due to autoamputation," Billie replied instantly, eyes fixed on the ER in front of them, where her brother was working on one of the hikers. She still didn't know how to manage that particular situation.
"See? Studying."
Meanwhile, in the pit, the interns could see how a second hiker was brought in with multiple broken ribs, skin reddened due to the cold and severe frostbite in different parts of his body. Cristina and Billie shared looks.
"Did you see that?" The former gawked.
"That was freaky," Billie said.
"I think that was a flail chest. I've never seen one before. C'mon," Cristina said, then turned and grabbed both Meredith's and Billie's arms to drag them with her. "God, why, oh, why does today have to be test day?"
"I know." Meredith sighed.
Cristina and Billie both turned towards the blonde, realizing she was still in her clothes for Susan's funeral that was happening later that day. The latter sighed.
"Look, I bet if you talked to the Chief, he'll let you take the test later," she said. "With the funeral and everything."
"I don't need to take the test later," Meredith clarified.
"Are you sure?" Billie frowned.
"Yeah."
However, just as Billie intended to say something else, Bailey appeared, carrying a lot of medical supplies that she was going to use to treat the hikers.
"What are you fools doing here?" she yelled, starting to walk forward and, therefore, causing Billie, Meredith and Cristina to slowly back away. "In a few hours, you people are taking a test that will determine the course of your entire medical career, because the five interns with the lowest test scores will be cut from the program! But are you studying for this test? No, you're not. Are you helping out in the ER? You are most certainly not! Are you getting the hell out of here before I throw you out? I think you are!"
☆
Later that day, the dynamic trio walked down the hallway in order to accompany Meredith, who was now heading out to go to Susan's funeral. However, Cristina and Billie were adamant on continuing their practice for the test.
"What is biloma?" the former asked.
"Cristina, I really don't have time." Meredith huffed.
"Intraperitoneal bile fluid collection," Billie stated.
"Okay, you can stop bragging now. We know you're gonna ace the test, so, like... stop rubbing it all over our faces," Cristina said playfully, causing the brunette to laugh just as Thatcher Grey stumbled out of the elevator.
George, who was charting near a nurses station, noticed him. "Meredith."
"George, I gotta go."
"Your dad," he said, pointing over to him over Meredith's shoulder. The girl turned, coming face to face with Thatcher.
She was startled for a second, "Hey. I was just on my way to-"
"No. I came here to tell you... you're not wanted," he slurred, face reddened due to the tears. "I don't want you at any funeral, Meredith."
Webber, noticing what was going on, approached Thatcher. "Hey, why don't you come-"
"She trusted you!" he yelled, pulling away from the Chief. "She came to you for help and you killed her. You did. You killed my wife. You took her from me."
Just then, Molly Grey came up behind him and realized what was going on. "Dad!"
"So I don't wanna see you! I don't wanna hear from you and I do not want you anywhere near her funeral," he sobbed. "You understand me? Do you understand me?"
"Dad! Dad, c'mon. Lexie's waiting in the car, we have to go, dad," Molly said.
"I think you should go." Billie took a step forward.
"She was everything to me. All I had!" Thatcher ignored her words, eyes fixed on Meredith over Billie's shoulder with utter hatred, as Molly slowly escorted him out. "She was all I had. She was all I had!"
☆
Later that day, after having thrown up in the women's bathroom due to the nerves that the intern exam entailed, Billie walked out of the toilet only to find Derek walking down the hallway.
"Hey. I haven't seen you in a while. What's up?" He grinned with his eyes on his phone, looking up at her briefly. When he saw the wreck of her hair, her clothes and her face, he frowned. "What's wrong?"
"Oh, the intern exam. No big deal, I just... had some nausea, is all." Billie shrugged it off like it was unimportant.
"Nausea? Are you okay?" Derek asked worriedly, placing the back of his hand on her forehead to temp her, but she pushed him away.
"No, I'm fine, Derek. It's just the nerves." She clicked her tongue, dismissing him with her hand. "Hey, you happen to have seen, uh... Dr. LeBlanc anywhere?"
Derek craned his back at the mention of the man who he still held suspicion for. "Yes, in the ER. Why?"
"No reason. Just..." Billie leant in forward. "How does he look? Does he look miserable?"
"Why would he look miserable?" Derek laughed at his friend's antics. Billie simply stared at him expectantly, to which he rolled his eyes. "Yes, dying-of-the-plague miserable."
Her face lit up. "Really?"
"No! He's fine." He chuckled. "What's the deal with you two anyway?"
"Nothing! Nothing. Why? What do you know? What do you think you know?" Billie answered, too quickly and too high-pitched for it to even come near a normal response.
Derek frowned at her. "You're really weird. Have you been taking your medication?"
Billie raised her eyebrow a little and dragged in a deep breath. "No."
"What? Billie-"
"Yeah, I know. Don't bicker at me." She cut him off, but soon caught sight of the watch hanging from the wall behind Derek and her eyes widened. "Oh, God, I have to go!"
Billie immediately bolted out, causing Derek to arch his eyebrows at her frantic behavior, since she seemed to be all over the place.
"Wish me luck! Not that I need it, but still!" she yelled as she took a turn.
The man stared at the space where she had disappeared with a confused look. "Uh... good luck?"
☆
Billie, Meredith, Cristina, Alex, George and Izzie walked into the room where they were going to take the test. The former kept cracking her knuckles, even when there was no more joint left to crack, simply as a way to relieve her stress. She knew she was going to be fine, but her heart kept pounding relentlessly on her ear as in a way to remind her of the fact that, yet again, taking her pills had been off schedule.
"Please take your seats, doctors, and put all study materials away," the proctor, a woman in the front, said as the six interns chose their seats respectively. Billie ended up choosing her spot next to George.
"If you don't know the answer, choose B. It's always B," Cristina whispered.
"And write your name in the upper right-hand corner of your answer sheets," the proctor concluded. "You may open your test booklets... now."
☆
The two hours went by and Billie stood from her chair with a smile on her face, feeling as confident as ever. She stretched for a second and sighed, satisfied. However, when she glanced discreetly at Meredith's booklet, she noticed she hadn't answered any of the questions, which was something that, apparently, George had noticed too. He followed the blonde out.
"Meredith," he called, but to no aid, since Meredith simply kept walking away. "Meredith!"
The remaining interns came up behind George, to which he turned towards them. "She didn't write anything on the test. She didn't answer a single question, she just sat there."
They all looked at each other with concern until he made the choice to follow after her, but Cristina stopped him. "Wait, George, just... just give her a second."
His eyes fell on Billie in the seek for reassurance, but the girl simply looked away. In the end, he had no choice but to huff and comply.
☆
"It's not like she actually flunked. She just didn't write anything," Izzie said as the interns stood at the top of the stairs, looking at Meredith, who sat in the waiting room in silence for no apparent reason whatsoever.
"It's kinda like she actually flunked." Alex grimaced.
"One guy, two years ago, he was on call three nights before his test, he slept through the whole thing, he had to repeat his intern year," George narrated, not saying anything that could possibly make them feel better about their friend's state.
"She can't repeat her intern year. That's pathetic. We have to do something," Izzie said. "Cristina, Billie."
The latter, who was leaning against the railing with a coffee on her hand, slowly turned towards the blonde. "You know what we're gonna do?" She arched an eyebrow. "We're gonna stop talking about her and we're gonna stop making assumptions about whether she passed or not, because this is none of your business. Her surrogate mother died, then her father bitch-slapped her and then told her she wasn't wanted at the funeral. What were you guys expecting? She might be strong, but she's also human."
The interns all looked at her worriedly for a second before all of their pages went off in sync, to which they each grabbed their own device.
"It's Bailey. We gotta go," George said, starting to walk away, but when he noticed no one was following him, he turned. "We gotta go!"
"But we can't just leave her here." Izzie sighed.
Billie raised her hand and pointed towards the hallway. "Goodbye. All of you. Now."
Rather reluctantly, all of the interns finally decided to head to the ER, where their resident was expecting them.
"Okay, it's showtime, people. Yang, you're scrubbing in with Dr. Burke. Karev, you're with Dr. Montgomery. Stevens, find Dr. Sloan. O'Malley, Black, Dr. Shepherd is operating in OR 2. He'll page you when he needs you," she said.
Billie looked over at George and huffed, knowing their situation remained unsolved. "Can I be on Dr. Sloan's service instead?"
"No," Bailey denied simply. "Come on. Off you go."
☆
Waiting to get paged, Billie decided to go over to the waiting room, where Meredith still sat. She headed to the seat next to her and plopped down on it, but the blonde didn't turn. Instead, she simply stood still.
"You're gonna give me an inspirational speech too?" she asked, expressionless, in reference to the fact that both Alex and George had already been there.
Billie pursed her lips. "Nah."
"Oh." Meredith was a little taken aback, but she accepted the comfortable silence nonetheless.
So, they stayed within the quiet for a few moments. Hearing only the sounds of each other's breathing, they relished that brief instant where it was just them, alone with their thoughts and with each other.
"You... lost your mother, right?" Meredith asked, finalizing the silence. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to bring it up like that. It must be a very painful memory."
"No, it's okay." Billie shook her head. "Yeah, I did. When I was young."
The blonde nodded slowly, taking in her words. "How did that make you feel?"
"Sad. But also relieved. Really relieved." She nodded, gathering the memory from the back of her mind. "She had been in so much pain during the years prior to her death that I just... I was glad she was finally okay. No more chemo, no more surgeries, no more cancer. She was... okay." Billie paused. "But I was really sad too."
Meredith looked at her side profile. "So... does it ever get better?"
"Not really, no." Billie shook her head. "There's still days where the thought of her makes me cry. But not because of her death, more because of what happened after."
"Your father?" the blonde asked hesitantly.
Billie looked at her. "Yeah."
"I'm sorry."
"Me too." She shrank back a little on her seat. "It doesn't get better, but it does get easier. When a parent dies, you just... nothing makes sense anymore. It's hard to look at things the way they are and realize you'll be living in a world where they no longer exist." She came to a halt, thinking about Denny. "But at some point, you just kinda accept it and suddenly, it doesn't seem as painful anymore."
Meredith remained quiet for a second, looking down at her lap with bloodshot eyes. "I'm really sad Susan died."
"I know." Billie reached out her hand to hold hers. "I know. It's okay."
☆
Later that day, Billie stood in Derek's OR after getting paged to scrub in. Much to her discomfort, George was also there, standing next to her and assisting the neurosurgeon.
"The patient's laminotomy happens at what level, Dr. Black?" Derek asked as he operated.
"Maximal neural compressions between the pedicles of the fractured vertebrae," she said with certainty as she added suction to the field.
"Very good. You must've aced your exam today. Knowing you, I'm sure you did." Derek looked up at her, smiling through his mask.
Billie laughed smugly. "I don't know about aced. But yes, of course I aced it. What did you expect?"
He rolled his eyes playfully at her. "How did Meredith do?"
"Oh, uh... well, she was kinda..." Billie did a gesture with her head, causing Derek to frown in concern.
"Don't worry though. I talked to the Chief," George interrupted, causing the brunette's good mood to become really frail all of a sudden.
"About what?"
George frowned. "She didn't tell you?"
☆
After the surgery, Billie walked out of the OR, but unbeknownst to her, George followed her. She removed her gown, mask and gloves and then proceeded to start her way down the hallway, and he quickly caught up to her.
"Billie!" he called.
She huffed. "What?"
"You don't get to be mad at me." George stood in front of her, blocking her from moving any further.
Billie scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest with a disbelieving smirk. "I'm sorry?"
"I mean, you do, but you don't," he continued. "I screwed up. I did something bad and I told you. You are my best friend and I needed you to know, because things aren't real until I tell you about them. And you have all the reasons to not like what I did, but I need you to be my friend, not my enemy. I need you to pretend to be okay with it because I confided in you and you're turning your back on me... and so I'm alone. And I need you. Okay?"
"So... let me get this straight, you're asking me to pretend like you didn't tell me you blatantly cheated on your wife, who I very much like, with the one person you know I loathe the most?" Billie looked at him, shocked.
"Yes," he replied with confidence.
"You're making me look like a terrible person, you know that, right? And I'm also really upset with you," she said, but George simply kept a straight face, to which she couldn't help but huff. "Fine. Whatever. But just because it's really hard for me to stay mad at you. And George," she paused, "please, try to keep it in your pants."
George's stern expression soon melted into a smile and he threw himself onto her, wrapping his arms steadily around her neck to hug her tightly. Billie gasped in surprise at the sudden action, but let out a brief chuckle and hugged him back.
"I can't believe how easy that was," George said once he pulled away.
Billie slapped the back of his head. "Don't make me regret it."
"Ouch!"
"Hey, Liz, can we talk?"
Billie suddenly noticed Ian walking up towards her, causing her smile and recently gained happiness to fade away just as fast as it had appeared. Her body stiffened and George glanced over at her weirdly, noticing the change in her attitude.
"No. Why are you not gone?" She frowned.
"I already told you, I'm not leaving."
"George, I'll catch up with you later, okay?" Billie turned towards his friend and gestured with her head, causing him to frown in concern for a second before he finally complied and walked away.
The girl watched him go. She made sure he was out of sight and then, proceeded to look back at Ian and slap him.
"You're embarrassing yourself, Ian. Seriously, your desperation is pathetic. Grow a pair and leave me the hell alone." She leant in, whispering hatefully through gritted teeth.
The man held his cheek briefly before he looked back at her, using their two-inch height difference to look down at her. "No."
Billie scoffed humorously and threw her arms in the air, disbelieving of the situation. "What is it today with everyone saying no to my personal fucking opinions?"
"No, just listen." Ian cut her off. "You don't have to like me. You don't have to work with me. You don't have to be my sister. Hell, you don't even have to look at me."
"Damn right I don't."
"I'm not demanding anything from you because I know that I can't do that, but I'm not gonna leave Seattle. I'm here to get you back, and if that means I have to wait weeks, months or even years, then I'll wait. I will be patient and I will wait because you're my sister and I love you. So stop asking me to go, because I'm not gonna do that! Not again."
Billie was a little taken aback when she heard him saying that he loved her. She knew he did, but it had never occurred to her that those feelings could be reciprocated. And, to her surprise, they were; she still, somehow, loved him. So her answer was unwilling when she let it escape.
"Fine. Do whatever you want. Just stay out of my way."
She proceeded to walk away, oblivious to the fact that those simple words had been enough to restore Ian's faith on the fact that maybe, possibly, he would be able to get her back.
☆
Billie, Alex, Izzie, George and Cristina sat in the stairs waiting for Meredith, who had been given a second chance and was retaking the intern exam she had previously left blank. They were all really tired after such long day of running around and studying for their tests, so they were just relieved the day was almost finishing.
"Well, at least test day's almost over," Alex stated what everyone was thinking.
"Speak for yourself," Cristina said. "I'm getting married tomorrow."