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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
yesterday.
season two, episode eighteen.
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"You know, he's acting like I committed a crime. Like my apartment is full of stolen goods," Cristina complained once she walked into the locker room, where the remaining members of her intern class changed into their scrubs, excluding Meredith, who sat pensively on the bench. "He's acting like I kept my apartment to hide stolen goods so I can do illegal transplants for money."
Billie looked up at her from her book, straw feeing her apple juice from the carton in short intervals between her lips, "Rough morning?"
"Are you sure he's not just acting like you lied about moving in?" Meredith stated her pretty valid point, referencing the fact that Burke was mad at Cristina for having told him she'd move in when, in reality, she'd kept her old apartment just in case.
Cristina paused, "Okay, what's wrong with you?"
"My mom is a filthy whore," Meredith replied, seemingly depressed.
Her friends stared at her for a second, trying to read her nuances, before they turned towards each other and shrugged their shoulders in unison, going back to their respective tasks.
"Oh, Bil, you and Alex?" Cristina added as an afterthought.
"What?" The woman in question looked up from her pages, a bit alarmed at the sudden mention of her boyfriend.
"The only thing I'm interested in other than surgery is the love story between Evil Spawn and McBeauty." She scoffed. "What do you think?
"McWhat?"
"Oh, that's the name Mer and I have been secretly calling you ever since we met." Cristina tossed on her scrub top, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly.
Billie slammed her book shut and stood up from the floor, approaching her friends, "Are you serious?"
"Yeah, you're like, what? Five nine, long legs, shiny hair, and lips the size of Russia. What did you expect?"
"Okay, first of all, I'm five six. And second, I expected you to be normal people for once," Billie whisper-yelled, then adding as an afterthought in a quiet voice. "Is Alex- Does Alex know about this?"
"Know about it? He practically invented it." Meredith chuckled.
Billie cupped her hands over her face, groaning into her palms, "Oh, my God, this is so embarrassing."
☆
"Jake Burton, fifteen, has advanced craniodiaphyseal dysplasia, was admitted last night after complaining of headaches," Billie introduced.
"And he's not a complainer," the mother clarified. "He's been having some nausea."
"Okay. Jake, can I get you to sit up?" Derek walked up to the patient, who had a malformation on his face which caused him to resemble a cat.
Jake smiled, "Sure."
"I want you to look right here for me," Derek asked, holding up a finger.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the bed, Cristina appeared to be visibly uncomfortable at the kid's face, to which Billie nudged her with her elbow so that she'd control her expression.
"You know, if you pretend I'm a lion, it helps," Jake spoke.
"Sorry?"
"If you pretend I'm a lion instead of, you know, a really messed-up kid, you get a talking circus animal, which is way easier to look at."
Derek laughed politely, "Dr. Black, what's our immediate concern?"
"That the bony tumors are growing inward and encroaching on his brain," Billie replied, causing the attending to nod in approval.
Cristina and Jake shared one more weird look before the doctors were dispersing out of the room. However, as Billie intended to make her way up to the main hall where Meredith was waiting for her, Derek caught up to her.
"Hey, Bil," he called out, placing a hand on her back briefly before standing in front of her in order to block her path. "How are you holding up?"
Billie's eyebrows raised slightly, "Huh?"
"You know, with the accident. How are you?"
"Oh, uh..." The intern cleared her throat awkwardly. "I'm okay. Past is past."
Derek gave her a reproaching look, "A bomb literally exploded on you. Past's not past, it's okay to be a little shaken up. I would be."
"Well, you're a crybaby and I'm stronger than you, so." Billie ended her sentence by shrugging her shoulders playfully, then walking past him. Derek laughed and followed her.
"I'm serious though, maybe you should consider taking some time off."
Billie looked up at her best friend, incredulous smirk on her face before she scoffed, "Oh, you don't know me at all."
Derek followed the intern up to a nurses station where she began charting, and he stayed quiet while analyzing her face. For a second, Billie ignored him before he was talking again.
"Fine, whatever. I'm just gonna listen to you for once and pretend this is completely normal, even though it's not. You want in on the case? I could use you on this," he said.
"Obviously." She rolled her eyes.
"Okay then, see you back here in an hour. Page me when the labs are back."
"I will."
☆
Meanwhile, on the main hall, where Meredith was waiting for Billie as she charted on a nurses station, a man came up behind her wearing regular street clothes. He analyzed the clipboard in her hand before he spoke.
"Invasive non-small-cell with a history of COPD? Guy's pretty much a goner, huh?"
Meredith raised her eyebrows, "Sensitivity. I like that in a stranger. Are you new here?"
"Visiting. Confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town."
"You get used to it."
"Makes me want to stay in bed all day," the man prefaced.
Meredith stared at him for a second, narrowing her eyes into slits, "We just met and already you're talking about bed. Not very subtle."
"Subtle's never been my strong suit." He smiled charmingly. "So, do you ever go out with co-workers?"
The intern looked up from her charts, incredulous smirk forming up on her face, "I, uh... make it a rule not to."
"Then I'm so glad that I don't work here."
"Are you hitting on me? In a hospital?"
"Would that be wrong?" His smile widened noticeably, causing Meredith to chuckle before she reached out her hand.
"Meredith."
As the two were about to stretch hands, however, Derek's fist met the man's jaw out of nowhere, causing him to crumble down to the floor along with the loud sound of bones cracking under the force. As soon as he punched him, Derek winced and shook his hand at the pain radiating all over his knuckles.
"What the hell was that!" Meredith yelled.
Derek glared at her.
"That was Mark."
☆
With little to no discretion, Billie broke into the conference room, where Derek and Addison sat on two different chairs while getting scolded by Richard. Billie had heard the gossip from a few floor nurses earlier and she had rushed down to the main hall as quick as her legs (and the elevator) allowed her to.
"You punched someone?" she yelled as soon as she was in, ignoring Addison's and the Chief's presence and heading directly towards Derek.
"Billie-"
"YOU PUNCHED SOMEONE?" she repeated scoldingly, louder, slapping the back of Derek's head. "Why the hell would you punch someone? That hand's worth more than Tel Aviv!"
"My hand is fine," he said tiredly, pressing a pack of ice against his knuckles.
"PUT THE DAMN ICE ON YOUR TWO-MILLION-DOLLAR-A-YEAR HAND!" Richard yelled, arms crossed over his chest. "Now, would someone tell me what the hell happened?"
Derek gave Addison a look, to which Billie analyzed the two attendings expectantly. The redhead sighed.
"That was Mark."
"Who's Mark?"
"Wait, Mark?" Billie frowned.
"He and Derek used to work together back in New York. And, uh... they were- we were all... close friends." Addison paused. "Until... Derek found us in bed together."
Richard stayed silent for a second, then leant onto Derek, "You put your weight behind it?"
"Yes, sir." Derek smiled proudly.
"Well, alright, then."
Billie walked up to Derek, "Wait, Mark's here? For real?"
The attending frowned at her for a second before remembering the conversation they'd held a few weeks prior, where Billie had pointed out the painful coincidence that the man who Derek's wife had cheated on him with used to be the intern's best friend, as well as her only life support before she fled New York.
Derek's eyes widened slightly.
"Oh, my God," Billie stuttered out apprehensively before she was rushing out of the room.
☆
Billie peeked over at the exam room over Alex's shoulder. In there, Meredith was cleaning Mark's wound. The whole intern class was gathered outside near a nurses station, staring, and Billie was curious as to why her best friend was there, but did not, under any circumstances, want to be seen by him, because that would mean having to give explanations.
Billie sucked at explanations.
So, whenever she felt like Mark was about to turn in their direction, she'd hide behind Alex again, hoping he didn't see her.
"Why is he suturing his own face?" George asked.
"To turn me on," Cristina said.
"Because he's Mark Sloan, he's like the go-to plastic surgeon on the East Coast." Alex scoffed, then turned to Billie behind him. "Also, why are you hiding?"
"I'm- Not- I'm not hiding, I'm-" She swallowed. "He can't see me here."
"Then leave," Cristina scoffed sorely.
"I can't."
"Well, then, you're hiding."
But during her small distraction, Billie hadn't noticed Mark's eyes had lodged right onto her. Looking different, the man hadn't recognized her right away, but he stopped the needle on the small cut on his cheekbone, mumbled some words to Meredith with his eyes still on Billie and, next thing they knew, the blonde was standing in front of the intern class.
"Why did Mark Sloan personally ask me to come get you?" she asked.
Billie turned wide-eyed, oblivious to Meredith's presence until then, "He did what?"
At the lack of response, she turned towards the exam room again, where Mark was staring right into her eyes. His eyebrows were knitted together in harsh frown and his lips were parted in shock.
"Oh, God, no," Billie muttered under her breath.
"You guys know each other?" George frowned.
The girl looked up, "It's a- It's a long story."
"Well, he told me to insist, so I don't think you have much of an option." Meredith shrugged her shoulders as she surrounded the nurses station to stand up on the other side.
Billie stared between her person and Mark in horror, but when she saw him gesture with his head for her to approach through the glass, she knew there really was no other option. She swallowed in some sort of self-coaxing manner and walked into the exam room.
The two stayed quiet.
"Hi," Billie said awkwardly, flexing her fingers by her sides. The intern class watched the tense interaction curiouslu.
"You're-"
"Not who you think I am." She chuckled nervously.
"You're Elizabeth, you're-" Mark frowned in disbelief. "You're... you're here. You're alive."
"I'm- I'm not, I'm a ghost."
"Elizabeth!" he exclaimed as if he'd finally dawned on the realization. "Where on Earth have you been?"
"Okay, I'm not- I can't do this right now. I don't have time for explanations, I can't..." Billie began, but was cut off when Mark jumped to his feet and wrapped two steady arms around her, holding her within a bone-crushing embrace.
Billie felt the familiarity of his hug, she felt home in him, and she didn't know whether she liked it or not, considering the many memories that the word home involved. She hesitated whether to hug back or not, but before she knew it, her arms were around his neck, pulling him in impossibly closer.
"God, where the hell have you been?" Mark repeated, pulling away with his hands still on her shoulders. "Why did you leave?"
"I'm sorry, I..." the intern began, but wasn't strong enough to continue. Mark looked at her knowingly.
"Your father."
Billie bit her lip anxiously and he immediately hugged her again without even asking, placing a soft kiss to the top of her head in order to reassure her, and getting perfect access due to the height differences. She pressed her forehead against his chest and blinked back the tears.
Once they broke the embrace, however, Billie's eyes widened and she grasped his chin, turning his face to examine the halfway sutured cut on his cheekbone, "Oh, my God, Derek did this?"
"Never thought I'd say this, but he has a mean right hook." Mark pressed his lips together.
Billie placed her palm on his chest and pushed him back onto the exam table, grabbing a pair of gloves and slapping them on. Mark smirked at her.
"Still remember what I taught you?" He arched an eyebrow as the girl grabbed the needle and brought it towards his cut, starting to stitch it up. "Good girl."
Billie gave him a deadpan look, "Baby, I know we used to fuck, but we're past that. So just... do me a favor, shut up."
"I'll try."
☆
"Okay, Billie, that's it." Alex stormed into the on-call room where Billie read peacefully; a place where she had resulted to in order to get some silence so that she could think.
"You're... what?" Billie looked up confused, holding her book with one hand.
"I'm done!" he yelled. "You're hiding things. You hide things all the time. First with Denny; then with him calling you Lizzie; then with Sloan... I don't know anything about you! You don't tell me things. What? Now your secret long-lost brother will pop up at your porch?"
Billie winced at his words, knowing how much they resembled reality, and then took a second to answer.
"Alex, I- I'm not hiding things. It just... I wasn't planning on telling you about my uncle, what kind of conversation would that be?" She laughed sorely and put her book down, although it costed her a tremendous amount of energy having to lie to him.
He paused, "Who's Sloan? To you, who is he?"
Billie sighed and looked away, then bit the corner of her lip briefly as a way to physically manifest her anxiety. She debated her following words.
"He's just... someone." She shook her head within a harsh swallow.
Alex paused seeming hurt, then sighed, "Look, Billie, I'll wait. I'll wait for as long as you want me to, but I don't know who you are. I can't be in a relationship with someone who can't even tell me what her real name is!"
At those words, Billie grew desperate. She tossed her book aside and stood up, walking towards Alex and cupping his cheeks.
"I'll- I'll tell you. Soon. I promise I'll tell you. I just- I need some time, please."
The silence was deafening for a second while Alex debated his following words, looking into Billie's anxious eyes.
"I'll give you the time," he said. "I will. I promise. I'm sorry."
Yet, he was still not quite convinced.
☆
"Okay, Jake, it can get a little cramped in there, so you have to try not to move," Billie said distractedly as her patient laid on the table.
"Yeah, this is like my fiftieth MRI experience," he said.
The intern cleared her throat awkwardly, "Right, sorry."
There was a moment of silence as Billie pushed the button for the table to roll into the machine, but as she gazed her surroundings tiredly, she noticed Jake's eyes planted firmly on her.
"You're distracted," he pointed out the obvious, since Billie had been feeling that way ever since she realized Mark was in Seattle.
They still hadn't gotten a chance to truly speak other than their little encounter in the exam room, and Billie had been dying to talk to him ever since, but every time, something new would pop up and it seemed like the world was battling against them.
"I'm not."
"You are," Jake insisted, analyzing her face briefly. "You wanna tell me what it's all about?"
Billie smiled in a second of relief, since the kid was slowly starting to grow on her, "It's okay."
"Well... if it makes you feel any better, you have really nice eyes," he began, and when Billie squinted at him due to the weird remark, he continued. "I'm just saying that you're mostly all badass and hardcore, but your eyes aren't."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah. I'm really big on eyes. They're the only parts of my face where the tumors aren't growing."
"I think your eyes are really nice too." Billie smiled playfully once the table rolled back out of the machine.
Jake paused, "You get that I'm jailbait, right?"
The two laughed.
☆
"Dr. Black, book an OR, please," Derek ordered, striding in direction of Jake's room after having seen the scans shown by the MRI.
However, attending and intern came to halt on the room's sill once they saw an unexpected scene occurring; in front of them, Mark Sloan spoke to a very consternated family, excluding Jake, who seemed the happiest he'd ever been.
"How is that possible?" the mother asked.
"It's precision work. It won't be easy, but-" Mark said with his back turned towards the sill.
"Dr. Sloan, can I help you with something?" Derek cut him off angrily, and by the time the plastic surgeon turned, Billie's expression had already morphed into one of complete puzzlement.
"He says he can fix my face. He says he can make me look like normal!"
For a second, the air grew thicker, and Billie could see the fight that was about to set off.
☆
Billie was walking down the hallway after having heard the greatest argument between Mark and Derek when Addison caught up to her.
"Mark told me he loved me."
Billie froze and looked up, "I'm sorry?"
"He- He said he's here to- He said he loved me," the attending stuttered, only fueling Billie's confusion. She frowned.
"So, why are you... telling me this? Why are you telling this to me, out of everyone? Aren't you friends with, like... someone?"
"Because, I figured you guys are close and-" Addison began, but sighed. "I don't know, okay? I know we don't know each other, like, at all, but I don't know who else to talk to. And he told me he loved me, and I'm in love with my husband, but I can't― I don't know. And I figured... well, you know Mark, you know Derek. Maybe you could help."
The intern paused for a second, but then sighed, "Well, I- I don't know, do you... love him back?"
"No! I mean, I don't know, I... I've never thought about it."
There was a moment of silence which Billie used to bite the corner of her lip subtly, mostly out of anxiety. She stared into the attending's eyes until she finally took in a deep breath and drawled it out.
"Listen, I'm super biased in this situation because I'm friends with both Mark and Derek, and I'm also friends with Meredith, so I'm not supposed to like you, but I-" she began. "I'm sorry, I can't be in the middle of this. My best recommendation is that you tell the truth. A truth that doesn't hurt Derek or Mark, even if it's not possible."
Billie proceeded to walk away after the fresh mouthful of gossip she'd just swallowed, but as Addison went her own way, the intern sighted Mark chatting with a nurse, so she approached him, grabbed him by his arm and pulled him away.
"Hey! That nurse was really nice," he complained.
"Is it true?" she asked with zero acknowledgement towards his previous statement.
At the words, Mark smiled widely, "Yep! One hundred percent true. I managed to get consent from Jake's parents and I'm gonna perform that surgery-"
"Is it true you told the She-Shepherd that you loved her?"
His face fell evidently. He'd never seen such stern expression in his favorite person's face, but knowing a scold was probably approaching, he swallowed and measured his following words meticulously.
"I wasn't planning on saying it."
"Oh, really?" Billie insisted.
"Well, I-!" he began. "I don't know, okay? I'm in love with her and... she wasn't even a little happy to see me! Man, it's so disappointing... I'm here to bring her home, is all."
"Mark, Addison's married. She's married to your best friend, don't know if you've heard of him," she used an accusing finger to point at him. "Derek's been through enough as it is, and you being here might just be his final stroke. You can't just say stuff like this, did you even know Addison and Derek are back together?"
Mark stayed silent for a second, then spoke quietly, "Since when are you two friends?"
Billie's expression fell and she slapped the back of his head, then walked away.
☆
The operating room was quiet despite the many people that stood within it, as well as the audience that had gathered up in the gallery to watch such groundbreaking surgery. Billie had found out that Webber had given Mark the permission to perform plastic surgery on Jake, and the reason she knew was because Derek had found her in an empty on-call room and had spent the following thirty minutes complaining about it, all while the intern sat quietly on the bed and heard him rant without saying a word.
Since Jake was Billie's patient too, she was allowed to scrub in, which was why she stood by Derek as Mark and Alex waited for their turn in surgery. However, just as Derek was removing the skull flap, the beeping on a machine went off.
Billie's breath hitched in her throat, "Derek, we're losing him."
"I can tell. Son of a bitch. Hang another unit of blood and put in the pressure infuser."
Alex walked up to Jake and placed his two fingers on his neck to check for pulse, but he shook his head, "No carotid, we've got v-fib!"
"Okay, get ready to bag him, start chest compressions and get FFP."
"Fuck, he's losing a lot of blood," Billie said under her breath as she hung another unit of O-neg. On the gallery, the audience grew nervous.
"Paddles, get the paddles, quickly!" Derek demanded, to which Mark ran up and began doing chest compressions.
"Charge to two hundred!" Billie called out.
"Charging," Alex replied.
"Clear!" she yelled, launching the shock through Jake's inert body.
But there was no change.
☆
Billie was standing on the sidewalk in front of the hospital, already changed back into her street clothes and ready to go home. She breathed in the after-rain atmosphere, where the city lights reflected on the puddles on the floor and added to the night aesthetic that Billie had come to know and love.
The wind blew cold against her skin and battled her hair, but her eyes were closed and her hands on her pockets kept her warm. The only evidence of the city in front of her was the whirring of the cars as they ran down the streets, but the rustle of the trees eclipsed it all. She felt at peace.
"Rains here. A lot," Mark said as he approached her. "I thought of you when I found out."
Billie didn't open her eyes immediately, but she still sensed his presence behind her and the smell of his cologne gave her a feeling of certainty that she quite enjoyed. Mark stared at her unwinded features and found the comfort he needed in them.
Without thinking about it, Billie let out a deep breath and leant her head into his chest, staring at the inside of her lids and feeling the world around her, but not daring to face it.
"Thanks for coming for me, Mark," she whispered softly, words syncing to the motion of his heartbeat. Mark wrapped a steady arm around her.
"Took me long enough." He chuckled. "But I wouldn't have left you alone. Not in a million years."
They stayed still for a second, wrapped up in their own little bubble of make-believe where nothing was wrong. It was him, her, and the rain that sheltered them from everything outside, leaving them oblivious, but the happiest they'd ever been.
"I have to go," he said after a few more minutes, kissing the top of her head and then leaving. "But I'll see you soon, sweetheart, I promise."
Billie turned and watched him go longingly. As soon as he was out of sight, she caught Alex standing by the entrance of the hospital. She smiled at him when he walked up to her, and once they were face to face, he took a deep breath and spoke his mind fearfully.
"I'm scared to lose you," he said. "When I was told you were the girl with the bomb, I was- I- I couldn't breathe knowing. I wish I hadn't known. I don't... mean to sound selfish, but I wish more than anything that I hadn't known. And I also wish I don't ever have to feel that way again. I'm scared of everything that could happen to you, I'm scared that you'll be gone. I don't know how to handle it, Billie, I've never felt this way for anyone. I just don't wanna lose you."
Billie stayed quiet.
"I'm sorry for being an ass," he said after a few more seconds, followed by a deep sigh. "I wasn't meaning to pressure you. I just wanted to not be scared for a while."
"I'm sorry for not telling you stuff," she then said.
Alex seemed satisfied enough with her response, Billie could tell, as a small smile grew upon his face.
Hands in the pockets of his black trench coat, he reached out a hand towards her, "Wanna go home?"
Billie smiled and laced their fingers together. Warm.
"Yes, please."
☆
A half-empty bottle of tequila resided on the floor as Billie stood under the sill in horror.
She'd spent whatever time she could get at Alex's place, but when she didn't find her phone and realized she hadn't seen it all day, she came to the conclusion that she'd left it back at Meredith's house, to which she kissed Alex goodbye (for about fifteen minutes), got on her car and went back home.
I won't be gone long, she'd said to Alex. But when she stepped into Meredith's room to talk to her, and what she saw wasn't what she expected, she felt horrified.
The blonde was drunk, that wasn't any news, since the alcohol could even be smelled in the air. But what caught Billie's attention was George's body hovering on top of Meredith as the girl sobbed uncontrollably.
Billie's sentence, one which she didn't remember anymore, was cut off before she could even finish it, and at the sound of the door clicking open, George looked back over his shoulder and his eyes widened.
"George," Billie let out in a whisper, eyebrows shooting up to her hairline and body frozen in its place.
The boy was quick to grab the bed runner and wrap it around his naked body. He then stood up in shock, as if somehow trying to hide evidence of what had just happened by walking as far away from the blonde as possible. Meredith turned on bed and let out quiet sobs into the pillow.
"Billie, it's not what you think this is," he said quickly, walking towards her, but causing her to take a step back instinctively. "Billie."
The woman in question was speechless, using her finger to point between Meredith and George and feeling as her eyes began watering at record time. However, her shock soon became anger.
She didn't say a word. She clenched her jaw and walked out of the room, striding down the hallway. Billie heard George's frantic steps as she followed her, and the girl only got halfway down the stairs when he called her name.
"Billie!" he yelled from the top of the stairs, causing her to freeze. "I wasn't doing what you think I was doing!"
"No? You weren't, George?" She turned around to meet his eyes, speaking sarcastically. "I think I'm pretty capable of telling what exactly you were doing."
In an act of desperation, he yelled, "She came onto me!"
At his words, Billie took another step back out of reflex, as if someone had punched her on the stomach. She looked at George with wide eyes and for a second, she didn't know what to say, which she took as her cue to turn and leave the house as fast as her legs allowed her to.