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CHAPTER FIVE
if tomorrow never comes.
season one, episodes six and seven.
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"You're late, too!" Meredith screamed as Billie walked into the locker room, still in her street clothes due to accidentally having slept through her alarm.
"So are you!" she replied, landing her eyes on Cristina, who stood in her underwear as she hurried to put on her scrubs. "And you!"
Billie jumped towards her locker and immediately started changing.
"I know, and I can't afford pissing off Bailey anymore. Do you think she told anyone?" Meredith huffed, directing her question to Cristina.
"About you and McDreamy?"
"Yeah."
"Why? What happened with you and McDreamy?" Billie tossed her scrub top over her bra. "Also, stop calling him that, he's not all that dreamy. He's kind of a pain in the ass, really."
"Bailey caught Derek and I in his car. Having sex. And I was drunk," the blonde explained.
Billie burst out in laughter. "Oh, you're screwed."
"Billie!" Meredith exclaimed at her lack of support, then turned to Cristina. "But do you think she said anything? Maybe the whole hospital knows already."
"Nah, he's her boss too," Cristina unfolded her scrub pants and slipped into them.
"If they find out, what can they- can they kick me out?" the blonde asked.
"No," Cristina responded, but at the sight of Billie's disapproving face, who knew the answer to the question, she immediately added. "Not officially. You'll just get... edged out, blacklisted, banned from his surgeries, passed over for Chief Resident. It'll be humiliating, but you'll live."
"Now, that's a supportive friend," Billie said sarcastically.
"I have to end it. I definitely have to end it," Meredith sighed as she hooked her pager to her pants. "I have to end it, right?"
"Meredith, shut up," Cristina cut her off, walking out of the locker room.
Billie was also ready, so she hurried her way out and down the stairs. Soon, she heard Meredith's frantic steps catching up behind them.
"Did you seriously just told me to shut up?" she asked angrily as the three interns hurried down the stairs, knowing they were already late to rounds.
"Oh, please. You got a hot doctor who makes you open up and say 'ahh'," Cristina mocked, seconded by Billie's brief laugh. "It's the American dream, stop whining about it."
"American dream? More like PornHub role-play video," Billie scoffed.
"No! No good can come from sleeping with your boss-"
"Cristina, Billie, you're late," Bailey cut off the conversation once she spotted the trio.
"So is Meredith!" the two yelled back in unison.
☆
"Mr. Levangie, this is doctor Bailey and her fine staff of surgical interns," Derek introduced the class to the patient as they walked into the room, but his words were followed by an awkward silence where Bailey just glared at him. Billie contained a laugh.
The patient was a visible victim of Parkinson's disease; his body kept spasming and that's why he was being helped by his daughter to get back onto bed. But even laying down, his body was in constant movement.
"Welcome to hell, kids," the patient smiled uncomfortably, followed by a few groans of discomfort.
"Who's presenting?"
"Edward Levangie is a sixty-three-year-old man admitted for pain management for dyskinesia. He's been stable since last night and responding well to the bolus injections," Billie was quick to speak up.
"Possible treatments?"
"Intraspinal catheter," Billie and Meredith chorused.
"Excellent, what for?" Derek smiled proudly at his two favorite interns.
"He can have constant pain medication," Billie finished explaining the treatment.
"Great. Mr. Levangie, this are Dr. Black and Dr. Grey. They're gonna prep you for the procedure and assist," Derek announced, much to both of the interns' surprise.
As in reflex, Billie's head turned to her resident in seek for approval. Bailey's jaw was clenched so hard the intern thought it might snap her teeth broken. She smiled a little, unsure whether it was because she had been chosen to scrub in or because the whole situation was just a tad too amusing.
☆
"Dr. Shepherd!"
Meredith and Billie caught up to Derek as he left the scans room. They had talked to Mr. Levangie's daughter and she had insisted for them to try talking her father into brain surgery to help with his Parkinson's, which was why now the two interns were on their way to convincing Derek to try as well.
Burke left the scans room first, followed by Bailey and Shepherd, so the two girls immediately approached the attending. Derek turned towards them.
"Mr. Levangie, the Parkinson's patient..." Meredith spoke. "Is he a good candidate for DBS?"
"We talked to the daughter and she insisted that we-"
"He's not interested," Derek cut Billie off, causing her to arch an eyebrow at the dryness that his voice held.
"Right, but we think it's worth talking to him again, pushing him," Meredith said. Billie knew her adamancy to help the patient with the progressive brain disease was because of her mother, and she really felt for her.
For a second, Billie thought to see how Derek's eyes diverted to something behind her, so she turned discreetly and, much to her dislike, she met eyes with Dr. Bailey. And she immediately understood.
"We're talking about a brain surgery that is performed while the patient is wide awake," he said angrily. "There is a risk of paralysis, a risk of death, and the patient doesn't want it."
"Derek-" Billie attempted to speak, but the attending ignored her.
"It is not my job to push him into anything and it's definitely not yours," he spoke directly to Meredith, making sure to keep his eyes on hers at all times. "But since you're clearly uncomfortable with my decision in this case, it's probably best you don't scrub in."
"Woah, hey!" Billie whisper-yelled.
"But-"
"It's a minor procedure, you won't be missed," he smiled falsely.
For a second, Meredith and Derek simply stared at each other. He tried not to look at Billie because he knew that, if he met her judgemental eyes, he'd probably cave. But in the end, it was Meredith who could no longer stand the staring competition and simply gave up, turning on her heel and storming off. Billie crossed her arms over her chest.
"What the hell was that?" she asked.
"What was what?"
"You treated Mer like trash," Billie clarified, but Derek paid no attention.
"I treated her like I'd treat any of my interns. That's what she wanted," he said. "It's inappropriate for me to favor her in any way. I'm her superior."
Derek decided to play uninterested and checked his pager, giving Billie a second to think.
"The Nazi's on your ass, isn't she?" she finally asked.
"No, she's not," Derek turned to her with a frown, but when he saw the intern's arched eyebrow, he sighed. "Yeah, she is."
Billie rolled her eyes. Men.
"Get your shit together, Derek," she said, watching as his eyes widened once he heard her calling him by his first name. "Don't ever treat her like that again."
☆
Later that day, Billie found herself alongside Izzie and Alex, approaching the table in the cafeteria where Meredith and Cristina were already seated, with their food trays set out in front of them. Cristina munched on baby carrots and Meredith seemed unable to eat, given the fact she stared at her foot with her lips pursed. Billie, Alex and Izzie all picked out their seats and the brunette found herself, for some reason, sat next to the one man she did not want to sit next to.
"Is it true you get to scrub in on that tumor?" Alex huffed at Cristina, beginning to eat as soon as he was sat.
"Don't sit here," she frowned, annoyed.
"What? You got ran off?" Billie teased Alex.
"You get to scrub in? How psyched are you?" Izzie asked Cristina excitedly.
"In a scale from one to ecstatic-" Cristina thought for a second. "-ecstatic."
"That's unbelievable. You know what I think?" Alex chuckled disbelievingly. "I think Burke wants to get into your scrubs."
"Oh, he already did," Billie joked, earning a harsh glare from part of Cristina.
Billie simply rolled her eyes. She retrieved her carton of apple juice from her quite empty food tray, shook it briefly and then stuck the plastic straw into it. Alex watched her intently as she tucked the straw between her lips and took a sip off the sugary beverage. She was quite beautiful, he had to admit.
"Why are you two sitting here?" Cristina asked angrily, seeing as Billie and Alex were both already getting on her nerves.
"He kicked me off that surgery for the same crap you pull everyday," Alex complained.
"You know what? If I stuck this fork into his thigh, would I get in trouble?"
"Not if you make it look like an accident," Billie shrugged her shoulders, bringing her knees up to her chest.
Everybody but Alex shed a laugh and Billie smirked at him.
"Hey," George approached the table and sat down, carrying his own food tray.
"Thank God, man," Alex sighed, tossing a piece of bread into his mouth. "I'm drowning in estrogen here."
Billie scoffed, slapping the back of his head and earning a glare from his part as he rubbed his scalp, annoyed.
"Is everything okay?" George asked Meredith once he noticed her sulking.
"Shepherd kicked her off a case," Billie explained briefly.
"Shepherd's a jackass," Meredith added to the statement.
"Really? I think he's kinda great," Izzie smiled perkily.
"He reamed her out in front of Bailey," Cristina explained further.
"Why?"
"'Cause he's a jackass."
George interrupted the conversation by suddenly throwing his empty tray onto the floor, then proceeding to look at Meredith with heart eyes. Billie was quite a perceptive person, she didn't need to analyze further into the situation to realize George was madly in love with Meredith.
"Well, bad days are... bad," he stated obviously. "Maybe tonight, uh, if, you know, if you... drink alcohol, I mean, we could- all of us, I mean, go out and drink alcohol... you know, because of the bad day."
Billie frowned, confused, replaying his words in her head since her slow brain was having trouble piecing together the stutter-y words he'd said. Alex, as puzzled as she was, glanced at her and she returned the look, and they both stared at each other for a second with frowns upon their faces. George waited for Meredith's answer eagerly, but when the blonde got paged and had to go, he sighed in defeat.
"Dude," Alex arched his eyebrows out of pity.
Billie laughed and repeated: "Dude."
George glared at them.
"Shut up."
☆
Much to Billie's surprise, later that day, her and Meredith were both paged by Derek back to Mr. Levangie's room.
"How's your back?" Dr. Shepherd asked the patient, Billie and Meredith observing him intently and wondering what he'd do.
"Still good," the patient answered.
"Good," Derek side-eyed the two girls subtly. "Mr. Levangie, have you given any more thought about the other surgical options we discussed this morning?"
Suddenly, after having started a battle, it seemed as though this was his redemption. Or his apology.
"What? Why would I? I already told you: no," Mr. Levangie asked, alarmed. "I'm letting you cut into my back, but that's not enough for you. All you guys ever wanna do is cut!"
"Dad, just listen to what he has to say," the daughter interrupted his speech weakly, yet pleadingly.
"I already listened."
Derek stayed silent for a second with an air of understanding, acknowledging the patient's wishes yet not giving any signs of giving up yet.
"Sir, there is a very small window of opportunity here," he stated. "You know, once the Parkinson's progresses to a point of dementia, there's... you're no longer a candidate for DBS."
Billie and Meredith looked at each other again, still confused yet with a spark of hope.
"And when I'm no longer a candidate, is that when you people will live me the hell alone?" Mr. Levangie said, taking away any promise from the two interns at the same time as his spasms worsened due to the anger of his actions. "What? Do I have to start drooling and forget my name to get a little peace and quiet?"
Billie glanced over at the daughter just to catch sight of the defeated look on her face. Derek sighed, vanquished, and promised to check up later on them both before he left the room. Meredith wasted no time in following after him. However, Billie stayed by the doorsill for one more second, listening distractedly to Mr. Levangie's daughter as she begged her father to accept the offer. She wasn't any more successful than Derek, so she ended up leaving too. Billie and Mr. Levangie were the only ones left in the room now.
His eyes finally landed on Billie.
"What? You're also gonna try to convince me?" he asked huskily, brimming annoyance.
"No," she shook her head with her arms crossed over her chest. "You know, I have a friend whose mother also has a progressive brain disease. Alzheimer's, in her case."
The patient didn't seem exactly interested on the outside, but Billie knew he was listening to her words carefully, despite how much he tried to look away.
"It's not... good. And I know that, if she had had the chance before, she would've given anything to save her mother from it," Billie continued. "You have that chance. And all your daughter is asking you to do is try."
Mr. Levangie's face softened at her words. Billie was still unsure whether Derek had paged the two interns to show them they were wrong or to show them he was trying, but she knew there was a window of opportunity here for her to try and convince the patient, so she wasn't going to waste it.
"It might be your brain, but it's her life too," Billie then told him. "And- And... she wants you to be there to walk her down the aisle."
Their eyes met for a brief second and Billie thought to see how he finally understood.
"Is that too much to ask?"
Immediately after, she turned on her heel and walked away.
☆
Surprisingly, it wasn't long until Billie was yet again paged by Derek. He told her that Mr. Levangie had finally, somehow, accepted the surgery and they were operating on him soon, so her and Meredith could scrub in if they wanted to. Of course, Billie was in.
A few hours later, she found herself in the OR alongside Derek and Meredith, with Mr. Levangie's exposed brain in front of her. Luckily, the surgery went impeccably and Billie chose to leave the couple to solve their personal issues, putting up as an excuse the fact that she wanted to go watch George's surgery.
Once she arrive at the OR gallery to watch the tumor removal her friend had been working on the entire day, Billie found, much to her dislike, that the only free seat was next to Alex. She tried to play it off, remain standing for a while, but the hours' worth of surgery she'd spent before were killing her knees. Begrudgingly, she finally sat. Alex, of course, noticed her, but didn't say anything.
Then, after a few seconds of silence, he laughed like a dork.
"Look at George," he said, amused, with the evil smirk creeping up his face. "He looks like he's about to fall in."
Billie turned to look at Alex and scoffed, yet she couldn't help the small smile that grew upon her lips once she saw George down in the OR. He was holding the heavy tumor with his hands and truly did look like he was using way too much strength.
"Are you really as shallow as you make it look like, Evil Spawn?" she chuckled softly with her arms crossed over her chest, watching as Alex turned towards her.
"Oh," he said, sounding faux-hurt. "You wanna go out for a drink later and hear about my secret pain?"
Billie laughed again with a soft hum. "No."
Alex's face dropped, as if he wasn't used to getting rejected.
"Why not?" he pouted.
Billie turned to look at him. She entrapped her bottom lip under her teeth and couldn't help to look down at Alex's mouth, simply because she wouldn't have minded kissing her.
"Because-" Billie finally replied, leaning into his ear to whisper. "-I'm an all for the chase."
The girl pulled away and was able to see through the corner of her eye how Alex smirked excitedly, traveling her eyes across the entirety of her face, but holding a tad bit longer on her lips.
"You want me to chase you?" Alex finally asked amusedly.
"Well..." she paused, "if you want me that bad."
Billie didn't say anything else, nor did Alex. They simply remained silent, Billie watching the surgery and Alex watching her, thinking to himself that, oh, he'd get that girl.
☆
The following morning, Billie didn't wake up to her alarm, as she wasn't asleep. In fact, she had been kept awake the entire night due to the obnoxious sounds and thumps of Meredith and Derek going at it, all night long. When she saw her face on the mirror, she couldn't believe how big the darks under her eyes were, and she arrived at the hospital holding two coffees, both for herself.
What? She needed the energy.
As she changed in the locker room alongside the rest of her intern class, conversation surged.
"I need a major rush to make it through this day," George sighed dramatically. "I need a kick-ass surgery."
"You a bad boy last night, George?" Alex teased.
"That would be Meredith," Izzie butted in on the conversation, earning a glare from the blonde who tied her hair up lazily.
"You a bad boy, Meredith?" Alex repeated.
Meredith rolled her eyes and didn't say anything.
"Do tell," Cristina urged at Meredith.
"Nothing to tell," the blonde chanted.
"Nothing to tell? How about the moaning orchestra that kept us all awake last night?" Billie huffed.
"Sorry, I have a sex life," the blonde said sarcastically.
"Don't apologize," Alex said like some sort of perverted sex guru. "Embrace it. Share it. Count me in."
Meredith rolled his eyes at him and left the locker room.
As Billie took off her shirt, she sighed. "I don't have a sex life lately."
However, once her words were out and Alex looked at her with his typical smirk, she immediately wished she could take it back.
"You know, you could always ring me. I'm available," he winked.
"Shut up, Evil Spawn."
☆
The day went by uneventful. Billie's toughest battle was trying to stay awake, so she avoided sitting down anywhere, as she feared she might doze off and not wake up. She did try to steal away a surgery from Meredith - in fact, she could've perfectly done so, but in the end, she was too lazy and even though she felt jealous of the blonde at first for getting in on such kick-ass operation, she then thanked God when Meredith arrived at the locker room smelling like vile.
"Ew, what smells?" Izzie grimaced disgusted once Meredith walked past her.
"That would be me, or more specifically, my patient's insides all over me," the blonde replied, leaning down to untie her shoes. Billie scrunched up her nose when Meredith stood so close to her.
Izzie glanced between her and Billie, then smiled. "That makes me strangely happy."
Billie glared at the back of her head, leaning against the wall and feeling like she could fall asleep right there.
"Oh, God... Meredith you smell like..." Cristina scrunched up her nose from her spot on top of the bench.
"Karma," Izzie muttered under her breath.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Something vile's stuck in your hair," Cristina covered her nose. "You know, just- go stand over there, please."
"Not here," Billie covered herself when Meredith approached her.
The blonde rolled her eyes at her friend, then headed directly to the furthest mirror. Billie watched her as she tucked her hair behind her ear, revealing her stained skin beneath.
"Ugh, how much do I love being a surgeon right now?"
"Karma," Izzie repeated once again in a chant, sounding weirdly happy.
"You know, Izzie, you're being a real bitch," Billie muttered under her breath, more to herself than to the blonde.
Billie tended to be really rude when she was tired, since, as a person with insomnia and anger issues, it was common for her to be triggered and easily frustrated. In this case, Izzie being annoying was really getting on her nerves.
"What does karma have to do with anything?" Meredith asked.
"I'm just saying," Izzie shrugged her shoulders with a small grin, "you've been given all the best surgeries, and now you smell like... putrid goo. And you're giving off a stench. Karma's a bitch."
"Oh, God, she's just pissed because of your extracurricular activities with McDreamy," Billie stood up, rolling her eyes and heading towards the sink in order to splash her face with cold water to ginger up. "Izzie, please, get over it. You're annoying me."
As both blondes were about to answer, each of them wanting to defend their position, Bailey walked into the locker room with an announcement, so everybody immediately shut up.
"Dr. Shepherd needs an intern in surgery," she said. "Which one of you is clear to go?"
Cristina immediately stood up, despite her disheveled stance and the evident looks of a person that had the flu. "I'm free, Dr. Bailey, where do you want me?"
"No, you need to lie down somewhere."
"I'm fine, I'm completely healthy," she debated, but Bailey ignored her, landing her eye son Meredith.
"Grey?"
"Ugh, of course," Izzie rolled her eyes, whispering under her breath yet loud enough for everyone to hear.
"What is your problem?" Meredith asked angrily. Billie knew shit was about to hit the fan.
"Um, you!" Izzie raised her voice. "'Cause apparently, you can help Dr. McDreamy in ways the rest of us can't."
Everybody's face dropped, including Bailey's.
"You did not just say-"
"Yes, I did!"
"Hey!" the resident immediately interrupted the argument, then directed her pissed eyes to Billie. "Hemispherectomy in OR 1 with Dr. Shepherd. Go."
Billie didn't hear the end of the argument, as she was already rushing out of the locker room with a smile on her face.
☆
"What's wrong with you?" Billie asked to a very angry-looking Alex.
After the hemispherectomy with Derek, where they had discovered that the anesthesiologist tended to drink during surgeries (an issue previously noticed by George, yet dismissed by Derek), Billie had gone back to the locker room in order to take that shower she had been craving and then go back home.
However, in the midst of it, she had found Alex in the locker room sitting on the bench with his elbows on his knees and looking like he was ready to punch the living hell out of someone.
"Nothing's wrong with me," Alex responded shortly.
"Ouch, so dry," Billie said sarcastically, taking her hand up to her chest while walking up to her locker in order to get changed.
With her back to Alex, Billie slipped her scrub top through her head tossing it into the locker and taking out her street clothes in order to start changing. At this point, she no longer felt uncomfortable changing in front of Alex, as he would always look at her somehow, even with clothes on. However, as she unfolded the shirt, two hands landed on her waist and turned her around, slamming her against the locker, shutting it close. Before she knew it, Alex's lips were on hers.
Startled, Billie took a second to get used to the feeling that had hit her so suddenly. Then, she allowed the myriad of sensations to devour her completely, until she realized. She placed her palms on his chest and pushed him away, so Alex stopped kissing her. Billie looked into his eyes, hers wide.
"What was that?" she asked hurriedly, sounding alarmed due to the fact that they had just kissed while she still stood wearing only a bra to cover her body.
"I- I was kissing you," he shook his head, and for the first time, Billie thought to recognize nerves in his voice. "Shouldn't I have?"
"Well, not yet!" Billie's went up a couple pitches, which was something that happened whenever she freaked out.
However, when Alex's expression morphed into a cheeky grin, the girl realized what she had just said and wished she could take it back.
"Not yet?" he repeated.
"That- That's not- It's not what I meant, I-" she tried to stutter out, but when her words were cut off by Alex's lips slamming once again against her own, this time, she melted into the touch, feathering her eyes shut to allow herself to feel.
Her skin tingled. What felt like decades went by before Alex pulled away, and once he did, they looked into each other's eyes with heaving chests.
"I- I think I have to go," Billie whispered, as if talking any louder would somehow rip the tender atmosphere created by the proximity between them.
"So soon?"
Billie smiled softly. Alex didn't move away, keeping his hands perched against the lockers at either side of her head in order to cage her with his body. He returned the smile with no shame, although a blush that she found cute spread over his cheeks. Then, he finally slid away, and Billie felt a cold current of air running upon her bare skin.
She thanked God for having an excuse to turn around in order for him not to see the way she was blushing like crazy. She faced her locker again, slipped into her shirt, changed into her jeans with Alex's imposing eyes on her, grabbed her bag and headed to the door, thinking about everything that had just happened.
Alex's eyes were still on her by the time she arrived at the exit door. She turned around to look at him over her shoulder, her heart still beating loudly in her chest, without giving any signs of stopping.
"See you tomorrow, Alex," she said.
Alex smiled. "See you tomorrow, Billie."