Hogwarts, among other things, was a very closed society. People woke up, ate, attended classes, studied and slept all in the same building, in the same place. Although life was never boring, it was consistent and predictable. In this fashion, however much we tried to keep everything private, news of a romance between a Slytherin bully and a mudblood Ravenclaw who, rumor has it, is Dumbledore's goddaughter. The rumor mill was set in action.
"...I saw them with my own eyes. They were hiding in the train together. I saw Wallis come out of the toilet, then a few minutes later Malfoy did too..." said the Ravenclaw to her Gryffindor friend.
"...what a whore..."
I couldn't imagine what else they could be saying, if they weren't careful enough to whisper that in the Great Hall.
It didn't help that we decided not to ignore each other in the halls. People had gotten used of Draco casually bullying me in the corridors. I had been his main object of teasing during the whole of last year so, of course, people noticed how little attention I was receiving from him.
I entered the Great Hall a week later and still, all the eyes were drawn upon us. Nothing had changed, people were still whispering the same things, talking ill of us. Why did no one mind their own business in this school?
"...poor girl..."
"...doesn't even think..."
"...I only thought she wouldn't reach so low..."
"...she has a nerve to..."
"...thought she was a Ravenclaw; she is really stupid..."
And all of these things whispered behind my back were followed by unkindly eyes and hurried looks. Sometimes some girls didn't even bother to whisper or act as if nothing happened. Sometimes I thought that the whole school had conspired so they'd make me feel bad about myself.
Soon, I stopped going to the Great Hall during busy hours. I was there for breakfast before everyone and skipped dinner most of the times. The one time that my stomach didn't feel like a tight knot, I begged Luna to bring me some food up in the Common Room so I could eat in peace but Luna pushed me out of my bed and pulled me down the stairs. The girl didn't seem like it but had strength.
She held my hand tightly as we walked through the arch but cursed silently when I realised that Draco was entering the Great Hall at the same moment.
He didn't speak a word to me but silently and discreetly brushed his fingers on my forearm softly and quickly. My heart pounded loudly in my ears and I realised I had to be careful of how quickly I was drawing breath.
"Aw... That was so sweet!" whispered Luna when we distanced ourselves from the busy part of the Hall.
"You noticed that?" I said and sat on our usual spot a the far end of the table.
"My cat could have noticed that. And you know that Braxtious is a lovely but rather dense cat," she answered and served herself some pudding.
Truthfully, if one had heard the rumor that was circulating the halls, one would have easily spotted that mute encounter in no time.
Behind us, at the Slytherin table, there sat a flock of girls that you could hear at the other end of the hall. Whether they were giggling or plainly talking, their high-pitched voices echoed in our ears.
"I just want to see how long she's going to last," said one of them. She wasn't gossiping of course. If she was, she would at least bother to whisper or keep her voice down in a respectful manner. No, this girl wanted me to hear her.
"We all know Draco hasn't kept a relationship for more than a week. And it always hurts when he breaks up with you. I would know!" said the girl loudly. I wanted to turn around and see who the girl that talked about me was but I held myself.
"But do you know something? Draco is not to blame. Have you seen that girl?" she said, and that reassured me that she knew I was there and was obviously trying to make me listen to all the things she was saying. "She cannot possibly be compared to me! We all know that Draco wouldn't give her a glance, to that mudblood bitch. He wouldn't reach that low. So, I am asking you, Lola, how did this filthy mudblood manage to catch Draco's eye? Well, I'll tell you. I bet Anne leaked some Love Potion or something in his juice. And if it's not a Love Potion then it's just another kind of spell or some kind of magic. Otherwise why would my Dracy break up with me so he can be with her? I don't believe Dracy reached so low... " she said.
That was it. I had to turn and see who was talking. I turned to see Pansy Parkinson talking to all her friends who acted like they were interested in what she was saying while eating but must have heard this serenade many times before so now they looked deeply tired of her.
Pansy noticed me turning - she was probably hoping it - and she was not afraid to give me a hateful look, full of anger. She raised one eyebrow, as if she was wondering why I was looking at her. As if she didn't know I could hear all the things she was saying about me. As if she didn't have the audacity to say it behind my back - literally!
"What are you looking at, Wallis?" she said.
"Oh, nothing! I just thought that I could hear a cow behind me but it turns out it was you. You know, it's quite easy to confuse..." I wanted to say but I bit m tongue.
Instead, I held my head high, rolled my eyes at her, snorted and got off my seat at once.
"You have barely touched your food, Anne!" said Luna in a motherly way.
"It's a bit second-rate for my taste today," I said with just enough sharpness in my voice, slammed the book that I was planning on reading during dinner shut and then walked away heavily.
With the corner of my eye, I caught Draco standing up. He caught a glimpse of my face; eyebrows curling, eyes full of anger. It was enough for him to follow me. He was not looking at me, not wanting to seem obvious but I saw one or two heads turn to look at him so I doubt it worked that well. Draco was a person who was used to concealing his feeling, yet now, he was being a bit careless.
"There goes Draco now..." said Pansy in her most provocative way.
"Shut up, Parkinson!" Draco screamed at her almost mindlessly.
Through my anger and fury, my emotions were peaking; so much that I found it hard to push myself enough to contain a smile. If anything made me feel better, it was Draco publicly defending me. It wasn't a strong defence. It didn't necessarily mean that it was me he was defending. He might as well have been unnerved at how shameless Pansy could me. However, this small defence came like fresh air to a suffocated breath.
I clenched my book to my chest as I was walking to the one place I knew I could turn to while listening to Draco's footsteps following me from afar. By the time we reached the western part of the castle, the corridors were completely empty, but even then, Draco didn't take the liberty to reach me so we could walk the remainder of the way together.
We reached the Astronomy Tower quickly and when I turned to see him entering, his tie was loosened. He must have been pretty frustrated too. We took a moment to catch our breaths and settled down, leaning against the railing as usual.
"Well that went well," said Draco and gave me a smirk.
"You think?" I said with a little laugh. Despite how messy these days had been, being alone with Draco again was relaxing, easy, familiar.
"Don't let Pansy get your down. You should have shut her right there and there. She is going to regret that I swear. Let's see how hard she laughs, if I let the cats out of the bag on all the disgusting things she has done in the past," he said in his casually annoyed manner.
"Please, Draco, don't make yourself small for anyone. First of all, it would only reaffirm what they already suspect and secondly, it's not just Pansy we are talking about, it's the whole school. Are you planning on making going against the whole school for a rumor?"
Draco was thoughtful but otherwise decided to insist on his habits.
"I don't know what's their problem anyway. What's so bad about this?" he said and showed the space between us. These were the things of which confusion was made of; we had spent hours together on this same tower not many nights before but he was referring to anything we had as this. It was acceptable and understandable and somehow so much more appealing. I could see that he was still holding back, he was still afraid to admit any feelings about me and only referred to it by creating a context. I felt like the more he avoided it, the more I wanted it him and I sensed that it was the other way around as well.
"Well, it's intriguing to see you do something so... out of character... in four years. No one would think but let's not make this about High School because it's not. We said we would keep this a down, so that your father wouldn't find out. I am mostly worried about you! Last year we only studied together and Pansy spilled the beans until they reached your parent's ears. I don't want you to be there when your father finds out you are interested in a mudblood girl."
"We both know you're not a mudblood."
"Yes but Albus begged me not to tell anyone that I was adopted. I decided to tell my best friend last year and we all so what happened. We are glad everyone knew I was a muggleborn so that it only ever remained a rumor. Let's not use the pureblood card yet. I bet Albus is going to be pretty angry at me. I promised I would keep it to myself," I said. "Besides, I think I'm right when I say that my house is a good enough reason for your parents to not approve of me. And you said your father has his own ways."
Draco knew I was right, yet there was some doubt in his look.
As if all this was not important enough, as if it was all pointless...
It seemed strange at that moment. How could I be the only who cared more about his disapproving parents than he was? Last year, he was terrified of even being seen studying at the same desk as me and now he couldn't care if some rumor reached his father's ears?
"What can we do now, anyway?"
"It's simple. We have to fake a break-up. We have to be together in secret."
"And prove everyone right? Everyone says that it's just a meaningless infatuation."
"You can go back to bullying me..." I suggested unexpectedly. "We will never admit anything. After a month everyone will just think that it was all just a false rumor, a stupid idea that would never be true. To be honest, all they have here is the lack of bullying from your part and a semi-suspicious train ride. We can easily dodge that."
Draco looked at me with disbelief, unsure that this was going to work at all but sure that the alternative would just mean that we would be emotionally drained and exposed to potential dangers.
"If I didn't know you well, Annie, I would swear to Merlin you miss my teasing," he said arrogantly, taking a step towards me and placing a curl behind my ear just because he was tempted to touch my face.
"Yeah, I miss you ruining my life on a daily basis," I snorted and gave him a smirk - it usually went the other way so he smiled widely and let his face get closer to mine. "Let's rehearse," I said playfully and took a step backwards.
"What?"
"Come on, then," I invited.
Draco's jaw stiffened as he took his time looking for something to say.
"You look... disgusting today," he said, on the verge of a laughter but in total contrast he took a step towards me, putting a hand on my waist.
"Oh, come on, you can do better than that..." I said and brushed his hand off me.
"You..." It was a full sentence. "Are..." he thought long and hard. "A stupid Ravenclaw," he finished unwillingly.
"Don't forget that I'm also a mudblood to you," I provoked.
"I can't say these things anymore," he breathed out heavily.
"You did the day before on a third year," I snapped in an angry tone, always disapproving of his practices.
"Not to you," he explained. It was one of the things he would ever say that would show remorse for any of his actions. I hated myself for thinking it was enough.
I laid a hand on his chest, adjusted his collar and only then did he feel at ease again.
"From the top," I said. He was a breath away, but looking straight in my eyes.
"You're a foul, stupid Ravenclaw," he said. Now he was looking at my lips.
"Mudblood," I corrected in a whisper.
"My mudblood," he admitted. I was lost in his kiss again, relying on his arms not to fall. He was my bully again, threatening me with a touch of his lips. I was his victim again, aware it would happen again.
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