Insanity

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I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity- Edgar Allan Poe

"Wei Ying, " the voice was soft and low, dripping in honey. Wei Wuxian looked up and smiled. For the first time in months, it felt like things might be alright. His body lost some of its tension, but his heart still ached. 

"Lan Zhan," The words were a plea, a confession, and...an apology.
"Wei Ying." staring into the dove-gray eyes of the other, words passed between them unspoken, and heavy. Something pulled.
"Come back with me...to Gusu... Please?" the words fell from Lan Wangji's lips, and the older man shrunk into himself, making him seem vulnerable. Wei Wuxian laughed bitterly to himself. The Second Jade of Lan, vulnerable? I must be hallucinating. Still, staring at Lan Zhan's eyes, inexplicable pain and warmth shot through him. No, the pain could be explained. He'd be leaving soon. He'd hurt so many he'd loved in this life, killed some, left some, but this. Him. The only one who'd stayed. Who didn't look at him with hate. He could read the man before him like an open book now, which was funny, because of exactly how long he'd spent trying to decipher him. The warmth, well, alright, he could explain it, but he'd never felt it like this before. 

His breath hitched. Suddenly, his throat felt dry. "I can't," he whispered, "after all I've done, and what I've left behind, I can't. I don't deserve to live." Instinctively, he turned behind, looking back at the debris, the blood, the weapons, the bodies. So many dead, so many, gone. Just like that. All because of him, because of that damned Tiger seal. What for?

Power. The answer rose in his head, unbidden. He turned his head away from the battlefield before him. He violently fought of the tears threatening to break free. He averted his gaze from the elegant prince before him. The impeccably dressed, always perfect man. With his strong jawline, unyielding eyes, and ruby-red lips.  Those lips. That Wei Wuxian had always found himself drawn to,  ever since they met. The very first moment. His heart had picked up speed then, but it felt dead now. Still, it gave a slight lurch just looking at him.  Shijie. Wei Wuxian could feel his thoughts drifting away again, but this time, he welcomed the pain. He let it overwhelm him, and drag him under. There was nothing to lose, anyway. Almost. Lan Zhan, I'm sorry. Forgive me for being so selfish. I can't drag you into this. You deserve better.  Feeling the last of  his energy drain him, Wei Wuxian could only watch as his legs gave way.  Warm arms snaked around him, supporting him. 

"Hold me, Lan Zhan,"  the last words reverberated through his head and the world became nothing but swirling darkness.

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Lan Zhan felt his spirit leaving his body when Wei Wuxian fell. Before he knew it, he held Wei Ying in his arms. 

"Hold me, Lan Zhan." So he did. His hear shattered a little looking at the prone body in his arms. Inky black hair, delicate features, dark eyelashes. But, he was so... so thin. He was light, too light.  He shouldn't be. Peering at him closely, Lan Wangji could see how gaunt his face was. His cheekbones were sticking out, and he had dark bags under his eyes.  Just how much did he go through? Lan Zhan could feel his throat constricting, and his heart skipped a beat. Anger threatened to gush forth, but more important things beckoned.  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A/N: And that's a wrap. I'll continue this again, I hate the last paragraph, so I'll probably rewrite that soon. Ah well. Sorry for the messy publishing, but this is a oneshot book, and my partial ode to Mo Dao Zu Shi, and Wangxian. Anyways, thanks for reading! 





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