Mdzs Oneshots

death and kisses (happier than ever ver. 2 pt 5)

Wei Wuxian let the phone slip from his fingers as it went, ignoring it as it clattered to the floor. Suddenly, everything felt so wrong, so heavy. He couldn't quite put a finger on it, but his stomach filled with dread about what was to come. What would come. There's no escaping it now, is there?

The whole world would know. Wei Ying wasn't quite sure why he cared. Maybe it was the possibility of death, the premise of it. Maybe it was Lan Zhan. then again, he didn't think he'd have cared in the past. Whether he lived or died, whether he failed or succeeded. All of those had seemed so mundane, then. So inconsequential. He'd been living party to party, dorm to dorm, letting alcohol fill him up, the same way he'd always imagined a person would. The same way he imagined he would, someday. But as long as he stayed in his periphery, just beyond the tip of his fingers, close enough to feel but too far to touch, he still craved. Now I have him where I want him, he thought. But will I lose him?

He didn't have him, not truly, and he knew that too. No one could have someone, not unless that someone was himself. People moved and people changed. In the blink of years, where a stranger had once been could be a friend, where a lover once stood could be an enemy. That had happened once before, Wei Ying could only hope it'd never happen again. But people were fickle things, and Wei Wuxian didn't think he could hold onto Lan Zhan any more than he could have held on to water. All he hoped was that he stayed next to him, for as long as he could. Please, he thought, to whichever gods were watching, help me.

I don't want to die.

Not yet.

He could imagine the whispered words of a friend, of a father if they still existed to him then. Next to every friend of his had fled from him, safe for one. Nie Huaisang. Could imagine them whispering words to him in a fervent hurry, telling him it was alright, that he'd live. Half of him wanted to cling onto that hope, as foolish as it was, knowing the Board. Half of them detested him for challenging their ways, the other half was undecided. But seeing the likelihood that his once-brother, who was on his way to inheriting a position on that Board, was the one making the allegations, there was little to no hope of him coming away free. Nie Mingjue might have helped him, maybe. If Nie Huaisang had helped to convince him, but that was only if he knew. The rest of the names...Lan Qiren. Su She. Jin Guangshan. Jin Guangyao. He felt his stomach churn at those names. None of them liked him, and he was certain he could name at least five occasions one of them had tried accusing him of something he never did or blaming him. Ha...There's really not much I can do, is there?

Even if he didn't know what the main reason for the meeting was other than him, if Jiang Cheng was there, he knew it'd have something to do with his powers. There was no other reason he could think of that would cause the Board to move that quickly, given their reputation of being slow. Jiang Wanyin ah, Jiang Wanyin. Just what have you done?

Sighing, Wei Wuxian leaned back on his seat, playing with a ball of shadows in his fingers. Silver eyes followed with dim interest as they swirled around his fingertips, billowing up and down. This...is this really what they're going to persecute me for?

Something about that seemed oddly absurd, even though Wei Wuxian knew the rules were written years ago, drummed into the back of his mind. Anything of uncanny power was to be prohibited. Was to be destroyed.

I'm to be destroyed. But the word "maybe' swirled in the back of his mind, even if he doubted he'd come out of the meeting scot-free. Maybe that's why they hadn't told him about it. He was supposed to be there, as his parents' Heir. The likelihood was they'd planned to discuss this and the punishments and spring it on him, trying to catch him by surprise.

He rolled his eyes. And the likely outcome of that would have been a death sentence or at least a long vacation to Jin Labs. The Lab was famous for all kinds of things, some good, and some not, and Wei Wuxian felt his skin crawl over at the thought of being dissected. Into nothing but parts, nothing but pieces. Is this all I'm worth?

He imagined the pain, the numbness, masking him like horror. But it wasn't the pain he was afraid of. It wasn't the fear of pain that scuttled over him like cockroaches over a sink, but the fear of leaving. Leaving him.

Wei Wuxian couldn't remember a time he'd been scared, scared of death. The stories of what happened after death had never appealed to him, not really. Never scared him, the way it did most children. What was death, after all, to someone who didn't want to live?

Nothing, maybe. The only part of dying that had scared him was leaving, leaving the people he loved. But with those he cherished dead and the others abusive, there wasn't much for him to live for. Death didn't scare him as he knew it had once when he was a child. When Death had been a monster, waiting to pounce, stealing away everything he cherished. Mama. Baba. at that time it felt like death had sunk its talons into him, raking through tender skin and bone, before wrapping tightly around his heart, sinking into it. Eventually, all Death became to him was a way to escape. Something about its oblivion, sinking under the surface appealed to him, even if others found it macabre. It wasn't that he wanted to die, not really. But death was the tether to his long-drifting ship, and he could feel himself ebbing away. It was a reminder, after all. No matter what you did, things ended just the same. At least, that's what he had believed. Death made everyone equal.

Now, he wasn't so sure.

The thought of Death sent his stomach spurning, the aching in his heart growing too much to bear. I don't want to die, he thought. Not now. Even though the meeting hadn't started, all he could feel was a guillotine, waiting to cascade, billowing down before severing him. Yet all he held onto was him.

Gold eyes. Ebony hair. The way he glanced at him when he thought no one was watching, the way his touch lingered, almost as long as his gaze did. The way he made him feel loved, feel wanted, even if the rest of the world spurned him.

The way everything about him made him feel as if he was in a trance, maybe in a dance, and he was waltzing with him. He still remembered the feel of his hands on the small of his back, pulling him closer until their bodies were pressed together, before pulling apart and twirling him away. The way Wangji's eyes seemed to glow in the dark, bringing something within him to life, sputtering in his heart. I love him, he thought.

That was the first time he'd confessed it to himself, and it felt amazing. Like he was finally able to tell exactly what he'd felt around him, the butterflies, the warmth- and everything fell into place. I actually-

But all those thoughts were cut off when he pulled him close, crashing their lips together. It was messy at first, a clash of lips and teeth before it turned into something else, something passionate. Yet all Wei Wuxian could think of was Lan Zhan, the imprint of his smile against his lips, the light in his eyes, like there was nothing that would make him happier.

Make us happier.

But foolishly enough, he hadn't realised it then. With the taste of alcohol on his lips, the way he did things Wei Wuxian knew Lan Wangji would do with no one else, and the mask that hid his face, he'd wondered if it was real. If Lan Zhan could really come to love him. And with the way they'd both avoided the topic after...

He hadn't been sure what to think.

But he knew better now, and all he could think of was living.

As long as I'm with him, I'm alive. Not just living or surviving, but alive. Lan Zhan was the reason to live he'd sought so desperately all those years before, and now that they were together...

I can't lose him. He doubted he'd ever be able to put it into words how much the other made him burn, the way he held onto the other as tightly as a lifeline if that were ever possible. He didn't fill up the cracks in Wei Wuxian's heart, not like he once imagined a lover would, or heal them. But with every touch and every glance, were the whispered words, "You're going to be okay, I love you just the way you are."

"You don't have to change to be loved,"

And that's what stayed.

I'll be okay, he thought, taking a deep breath just as another message lit up his phone.

I'm here.

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A/N: 1580 words! yes, I know this is a random update, but I'm not sure when I can write soon, and I wanted to get this out as soon as I could....And we're finally moving on with happier than ever ver.2! Gods, I've missed this AU...sorry for leaving it hanging for so long-

Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and feel free to comment! Thank you guys for reading!