Mdzs Oneshots

Gone

Lan Wangji scrunched his eyes close. Searing pain scorched his back, intensifying with every blow, as a disciple in 'mourning robes' as Wei Ying once put it, whipped his back.
"13. 14. 15.16. 17...." his uncle's voice droned on and on, and he steeled himself to stay there. Wei Ying.... Wei Ying! Where are you? Wei Ying, Are you okay? Wei Ying, Wei Ying, Wei Ying. 

Lan Zhan could feel tears trickling down his, face, and could feel his back on fire. The pain was intense, but Lan Zhan didn't care.  His heart ached was than the wounds on his back did, and all he wanted was Wei Ying. Where was he? Was he safe? His breath hitched, and Lan Zhan found it harder and harder to breath, his throat constricting every time he tried. Wei Ying... 

Wei Ying... Wait for me....Stay with me. His heart burned and ached, yearning. Begging for something, no, someone,  and his vision swirled around him. The world was spinning around him, and he hazily saw someone... A boy with a broken smile, with eyes that reminded Lan Zhan of shattered stars, who took the prestigious Hanguang-jun's breath away. Smiling faintly, he felt the last of his energy drain him, before the world was engulfed by nothing.

Shadows swirled around his head, and the Light-bearer's world was now dark and empty. He could feel himself falling, as cold air bit and nipped his face, threatening to seep into his bones. Losing control of himself, he could feel himself flailing madly, and faintly, he heard Lan Qiren's strict voice, reciting the Sect rules. At the thought of his uncle, a strong wave of distaste and disgust emanated from him. He didn't know and didn't care how many rules he was breaking by falling, he despised Lan Qiren for punishing him, for condemning Wei Ying. How dare he speak of Wei Ying like that? After all the good Wei Ying had done? After all his heart had done? My god, he smiled bitterly to himself, how the world has changed. But he knew, deep down, that the world hadn't changed a bit. The kind, good ones were always pushed around, cornered, and if they didn't comply, they were antagonized, their 'bad' choices as evidence. Silent fury invaded Lan Zhan, and he hated the world. Hated the world for pushing his love, his life, into a corner, and kicking him when he clawed his way out. Giving him hard, terrible choices, and blaming him for the terrible consequences.  Even if they were the ones who created them in the first place. 

Lan Zhan could feel heat creeping over him, and he let it consume him, let himself go, as he kept falling. He basked in oblivion, not caring if the flames and shadows ate him or killed him. His heart burned with yearning, and it hurt. Hurt like hell. Lan Wangji had never wanted to go home more, but then, where was home? His face was moist, and he knew his nose were runny. 

But...Where was home? Once, years ago, home was where his mother was. Home was the monthly visits to Mama's cottage, the smell of gentians, the smell of Mama's lemon and verbena robes, her warm embrace and heavy teasing.  A pang of nostalgia hit Lan Zhan, and he sobbed. Mama, he thought, gone.  Then.... Home had changed when Wei Wuxian crashed headfirst into Lan Wangji's life. The moment he'd set his eyes on the mischievous, rule-breaking boy, his heart had belonged to him completely. Even if he didn't know it.  Even if he hadn't known yet. Something pulled at Lan Zhan. Perhaps it was supposed to pain him, would him more, but he was wallowing in grief and sorrow. What was more pain? 

Anyway, his thoughts shifted again, and he could see the man who held his heart, looking up at him with bloodshot ant teary eyes. His features were distorted with horror and fear, and he shrank away from him. Kept pushing him away. " 滚。。。滚！滚。。。滚开。篮湛。。。"

Every '滚' shattered the stoic man more than the whip did. He could feel himself shattering, sundering into millions of little pieces, but he held himself together. He knew Wei Wuxian would never love him... But he'd hoped. Hoped like hell.  But truly, what did he expect? Maybe some part of him was supposed to be angry and bitter at Wei Wuxian, but he felt none of that. Couldn't even fathom the idea of being mad at him. He just wished the broken, star-like boy knew what he held in his hands.  Realized it. He hoped he was happy. Even if that felt selfish. Lan Zhan gave out a cold, bitter laugh. How could he be happy? He had the whole goddamn cultivational world against him. 

Lan Wangji laughed until nothing mattered at all. He sank further and further down until he hit rock bottom.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A/N: Okay, this isn't a sweet oneshot. It's a bitter one, because that's how it is. My head's groggy right now, which might explain some of it, but honestly, I haven't written bitter in a while, so this probably sucks. Anyway, thank you for reading and adios!