Mdzs Oneshots

if this isn't love, then nothing else is

if this isn't love, then nothing else is. The words lingered in the back of his mind as often as he did. He adored the little slips. The little smiles, the gleam in his grey eyes, the way he seemed to light up talking about his inventions. Wangji could feel his heart, swell, swell and swell just glancing at him, and he found it hard to believe no one ever saw him, saw him for who he was instead of what others made him out to be. He was love reincarnate, Lan Zhan was sure. He couldn't figure out what else they saw when they saw Wei Ying, and he both loved and hated the way darkness crept into his eyes, spun into the flaming letters of the stars, the stars adorning both their hearts, the stars adorning the elusive grey eyes of his.

Loved them because they were a part of him, hated them because they hurt him, in some way. Uncertainty grasped onto the Yiling Patriarch the same way love clung onto him, only worse. Doubt clung to his mind, plunging its sharpened claws into the side of his mind, and Lan Zhan feared it. More than he'd felt in his life, other than the flaming stream that his name ignited in him. He could feel it raging through him, the urge to pull him close and hug him and gods forbid, if he let him, crash his lips onto his like he'd done so long ago, like he'd wanted for so long. Wanted to whisper against his ear, watch as he realised.

wanted to hear him speak, wanted to listen, even if it was simply from afar. But he had him close now, and he wouldn't exchange anything in the world for it. I have you, he thought. Exactly where I want you. I love you, Wei Wuxian, Wei Ying, Yiling Laozu. No matter what name you go by, my soul will always love you. He adored the way he grinned, the slight crinkle of his eyes before he smiled, when he truly meant it. The aloof way he did things, putting them together effortlessly, with simplicity and brilliance. Wangji remembered another voice, another whisper.

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"Xiong Zhang, what is love?" A younger version of him stared at him, gold eyes filled with childish curiosity and unbridled innocence, one Wangji had lost a long, long time ago.

Lan Huan chuckled, glancing at him from where he was on the floor, before picking him up and placing him on his lap. Tiny hands waved happily, before golden eyes went back to blue ones, as if hounding him for an answer.

"Love...what is love? It's something that we've asked for centuries, but there is never a right answer. Sometimes it comes slow, creeping up from behind you before tackling you by the shoulder, worming its way through you. Sometimes it comes in flushes, in flashes. It whips past you so quickly you don't even have the time to process it before it comes. And once it comes... it's just there, in a way. There's rarely anything you can do about how it feels. It's about what you do with it that matters." At this, azure eyes danced away, a wistful smile tilting on the corner of his lips. His grip on Wangji's tiny arms tightened slightly, sending giggles through baby Wangji.

"Gege, it tickles!" Xichen shook his head fondly, tickling his little brother for a while before stopping to let him rest. When he finally stopped giggling, he moved back to asking.

"How does it feel?" For a moment, Xichen imagined his little brother growing up in his mind. What would he be like then? Would he be as trusting as he was now, as loving? Or would he become another slip, another one of them? His mouth twisted slightly at that, as did the knife that pierced his heart. Gods, I hope he's nothing like me. The visage of another flitted across his mind, in all its brash and bold lines, in splashes of brown. The willowy silhouette danced against the delicate glass panels on his heart, fracturing it bit by bit. But even as glass shards fell, he wanted him close, wanted to reach through the glass wall that separated them and pull him towards him, but the chains around his heart, around his wrists, locked him in place, and he could only watch the silhouette dance from afar. The tiny tug on his robes brought him back to reality, though the silhouette still lingered in the back of his mind.