Mdzs Oneshots

it's not the snow i look forward to, its you (3)

By the time he finished reading the text, tears were streaming down his face. Lan Zhan wasn't even sure how it was possible to feel, after everything he did. Words couldn't even begin to describe the emotions that ran through him like a shockwave and couldn't even capture the tip of the iceberg labelled "feelings" that Wei Wuxian brought about. Why...did feelings have to be this complicated? He wished there was a way to describe the impossible amalgamation of emotions that bubbled through him, that ebbed and flowed through him like phantoms flowing through a soulless body. Everything he'd felt over the past few weeks seemed to crash over his head. At the start...perhaps loving someone without them knowing wasn't so bad.

There was something poetic about loving someone from afar, no matter how painful it could be. Something about watching someone grow from afar, watch them blossom into someone amazing, that was both heart-wrenching and beautiful. He hadn't felt it, not at first. Loving Wei Ying was as easy as breathing, it came so naturally to him that he didn't think twice. It didn't hit him until way later exactly how different his feelings were, when it came to him. With him, everything felt supercharged. His emotions were amplified. Maybe it was the spark in his eyes, maybe it was his smile. Maybe it was just him, but being with him had always felt different. It didn't matter how long it'd been, being with him always felt like home. And yet every moment with him never failed to make him smile, never failed to make him feel warmth. He hung on to every word, and for the first time, Wangji understood why the countless novels he'd read described looking at someone you love like looking at someone who hung the moon. There was no other way to put into words how much you adored them, because in every moment, you loved them. It didn't matter what they did, or what they said, because you'd love them either ways. Because you just knew, with a conviction that was almost pigheaded that they were amazing. That they were stunning, not always because of how they looked, but how they acted. You fell in love with the stars in their eyes, fell in love with the quiet lilt of their voice, not unlike the whisper of the wind. Fell in love with the storms they talked up, fell in love with anything and everything about them.

When Lans fell, they fell hard.

And Wangji was no exception.

"Didi?" Lan Huan's voice drifted back in the room, snapping Lan Zhan out of his reverie. "Are you..."

Just one look at Wangji's tear-streaked face told him all he needed to know. Wordlessly, he walked across the room, closing the distance between them. The moment he sat down, he pulled his brother close. "It's going to be okay," he whispered, "it's going to be okay." Half of his mind knew his brother usually hated those words, but that didn't make them any less true. This time, Wangji didn't seem to mind, wrapping his arms around Lan Huan. His tears continued flowing freely down his face, the breath in his throat turning into hiccups. Lan Huan felt his stomach freeze for a moment, his feelings drifting between worry, fury and relief. He'd read the text before Wangji did, and still couldn't tell if he wanted to throttle Wei Wuxian or hug him. How could someone be so blind? He'd seen idiocy and blindness in dramas, but Wei Wuxian took real life to another level. In some sense, he knew he shouldn't be as mad at him as he was. He was just a teen, after all. All teens had a period of idiocy, and as an adult, Lan Xichen understood it. But as a brother, to say he had been furious would have been an understatement. Still, this wasn't about what he felt. All that mattered now was Wangji. "Gege," he choked out, desperation and hope entwining themselves into his voice, "he loves me,"

Lan Xichen couldn't do anything other than ruffle his hair, the same way he used to do when they were kids. "I know," he smiled, "I know."

The brevity of the words took a while to hit Lan Zhan, even as they left his mouth. He...loves me. He actually loves me. Knowing Wei Wuxian loved him wasn't a surprise, not when they'd loved each other as friends for ages. But to know that his feelings were returned, that he felt the same, was a different thing altogether. A different world. Wangji wasn't quite sure what he felt, not when his emotions tumbled over relief, disbelief, hope and the overwhelming feeling of elation, followed by an odd blankness. It wasn't that he'd never dreamt of what would happen if he did like him back, it was just that the notion was so far away that now, when the boy of his dreams was merely a fingertip away, Lan Zhan wasn't so sure what to do. "Gege, what do I do?"