Living In My Head (Drarry)

Chapter 42: When Choosing Truths

A.N.

Chapter song: Polyamorous by Breaking Benjamin

So... I told him everything. Starting from what little I knew about my parents when they were alive, steadily delving into the details of their murders. I wasn't entirely explicit, but I told about my scar, more about my home life with the Dursleys, and more of my thoughts and feelings than I've ever told anyone. He listened patiently, and didn't ask any questions, for which I was grateful.

Laying straight on the bed, turning my head towards Draco, he followed suit and I remembered that night on the beach. Even then, I knew that- deep down- I was attracted to him and that I felt I could trust him. His eyes linger on my scar and I realize I've forgotten the most crucial point: Tom.

"All of that is mostly background for the real secret. I hear voices, well a voice- singular- and it's the voice of the guy who killed my parents."

"Why him? Are you schizophrenic at all or do you think it's his ghost or-"

"No, I'm not. I have anxiety, probably some mild PTSD, adding that up to my panic attacks- it would mean he is a side-effect of those, I guess. Hermione thinks he may also be a coping mechanism for my parents death, maybe that giving him 'a voice' makes him less of a monster and more... human, I guess."

"What kind of stuff does he say?"

"He was awful at first, then he seemed to be looking out for me, then he tried to pin me against you."

"That's a bit all over the place,"

"Yeah, but the thing is, he only really appeared once when you were around... that time you kissed me." I tried not to choke on the words, a reminiscence of the panic returning into my heartbeat. "And as soon as you came back in, he went through the door and I haven't seen him. I think that being around you has helped a pretty good deal, if I were being entirely honest. Even though I never heard his voice before going to the academy, I have a feeling he's been there but I just now took notice. He seems to be leaving me alone now, though."

"Well, that's good... I guess..." Draco's voice seemed to waver some, his eyes not meeting mine.

Turning onto my side, I run my fingertips and the edge of my nails up and down his arm. I smile down at him and he visibly relaxes.

"I'm sorry that I'm acting this way it's just a lot to take in."

"I understand that. In which case, let's just drop the topic. Let's feed the animals, play with them some, and we can go to bed. You have to get up early in the morning, anyway."

Draco nodded, "Actually, Milton has been feeding them. I know we put enough food in for a few days but he just wanted to check up on them. He really likes animals, you know. Apparently, his father raised and bred Saint Bernards, while his mother trained them. His family was fairly well-off until his parents died in a car wreck, government took everything and he worked for my grandfather from a young age to have a place to sleep and eat. Here I am, getting off-topic again. Anyhow, let's go say hi to Zorro and Castiel."

We go down the hallway to where Dobby moved our pets for fear of them being seen (or heard) inopportunely, and we walk into the small room, a small fence set up around the two to play in. Zorro is fast asleep, curled up with Castiel and I can't bear the thought of waking them. I look at Draco who shrugs in return, and we walk back to our room quietly, the floorboards creaking underfoot every so often. Eventually, we make it back to the room and I grab my clothes. Heading towards the door as he picks out his clothes, I throw him a smirk.

"Taking a shower, wanna tag along? No funny business, I assure you."

"That doesn't reassure me at all," he jokes, not taking me seriously.