Living In My Head (Drarry)

Chapter 75: The Yule Ball

A.N.

Chapter song: A Song about Love by Jake Bugg

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When Draco made eye contact with me, something seemed to click in his head, his expression changed and his head lowered. I made eye contact with Cedric and something in my eyes must have made him nervous because he crossed his arms to keep from shivering.

"Harry, I know what you're thinking but this may not be a good idea." Cedric told me, whispering.

"I'm not known for having good ideas," I mutter, tearing away from him and bustling my way through the crowded dancefloor. I feel as if I'm fighting against I high tide as we make eye contact, getting closer and closer.

I grab Draco's wrist and pull him away from Zabini's side, who doesn't even take note of me. "Come on."

When I reach the lobby, strangely silent, the music from the hall thumping in the distance, I find myself taking my hand away from Draco's reddening wrist. His breath is shaky from anger, mine is too but the anger is mixed with undeniable jealousy.

"What the hell, Harry?!"

"Blaise! Of all the fucking people who could have been your date, you chose Blaise. Do you not remember what he did to you, or have you conveniently forgotten?" My fury came out in waves, but Draco met my eyes with defiance.

"And you brought Cedric-Fucking-Diggory! The Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw team's soccer golden boy when he went here!"

"He is my friend!"

"Yeah, you were looking pretty friendly over there."

"Don't tell me you're jealous, Draco."

"Of course, I'm jealous! I see the guy I lo-... really like over with some guy who you were seeing while dating me."

"I wasn't seeing him! You were gone and I didn't want to be alone in a place I felt unwelcome. Besides, you are here with a guy who abused and violated you. I invited Ced to be my date as emotional support because I was so depressed over us breaking up! I needed someone around to make me feel like I wasn't unlovable because of all my personal baggage!"

"Your baggage?!"

"Yes, my baggage! The baggage of knowing my parents were murdered and," I felt a dark laugh escape my lips. "Lo and behold, my ex-boyfriend's dad was the one who gave the order!"

Draco's expression, as well as the atmosphere, completely changed. He looked shocked and shamefully guilty, "Who told you?"

"My godparents and my adoptive father. Professor Lupin, a man named Sirius Black, and my new adoptive father, Severus. Two of which your father plotted against and put them in jail. So, yes, Dray. I have baggage. Different kind than yours... but still the same heavy weight."

We stand in silence for a few moments before I speak again, my feelings of betrayal are evident in my voice. "How long have you known? About my folks? Was it before we got close? Have you known this whole time?"

"I found out when I was on the trip with my father. I was told in front of his... inner-group, I knew about them but I didn't know the details. They wanted to induct me into their group, and standing up to him about your parents and refusing to join him was what caused my injuries. I should have told you, but I didn't want to have to tell you myself."

"You should have." I breathe shakily, hands quivering. "I should have heard it from you."

"What good would it have done?" Draco frowned, crossing his arms.

He looked so good with his hair styled and the tailored suit. I remember the destructive pace at which our relationship went and it all became clear. My heart sank. He was right. We would have still ended up here.

"About Blaise..."

"Don't." He interrupted, shaking his head. "Blaise asked to be my date and I didn't have one, so I accepted. He doesn't matter. He's too busy seeking out his next prey... He got what he wanted from you, an outburst. He'll ignore you from now on, like he does me..."

"Are we okay?" I ask.

He nods, "As much as we can be right now."

It takes all of my self-restraint to hold myself together. I breathe in, then out, slowly and shakily before closing my eyes. When my breathing gets under control and I open my eyes, Draco is watching me with something loosely considered to be concern.

"Will you dance with me?" I ask, my hands twitching at my sides.

"Yes, I'd like to." Draco nodded, reaching out and grabbing my hand.

His hand is shaking, almost tremoring at this point, and I pull him slowly into a hug. He hugs me limply.

"Dray?"

"Yeah?"

"I never wanted to hurt you. My insecurity and temper got the best of me. I am so so sorry."

"I know."

"Please don't shut me out, okay? If you want, I will tell Cedric that we need time alone and we can go in the courtyard and just talk for hours. I'm getting over all the damage of my parents' murder thanks to you, I want to be here for you as long as you need me to be."

He hugged me tighter, squeezing my rib cage, "Harry, I've been thinking..."

"Yeah?" I ask, looking in his eyes.

"I'm going to move out of my parents' house and live alone."

My hands stop shaking and every ounce of attention I have goes to searching his expression. It reveals nothing. His adam's apple bobs when he takes a nervous swallow, likely from me watching him so closely.

"Really?" I ask, shocked. "What about school here?"

"My grades are decent, and if I explain the situation, I think Dumbledore will make an exception. I can get a part time job in town and live in the dorms here until graduation. By then I should have enough money saved up to sustain myself."

The announcement seemed extremely sudden, before I got the chance to ask why he shuts me down.

"Don't. My decision has nothing to do with you. I will not be involved in my father's immoral and illegal activities. I did not do it for you." He tells me and I nod, letting him lead me back into the ballroom for our promised dance.

I'm glad he didn't do it for me. He was the one who needed it, not me.