Living In My Head (Drarry)

Chapter 52: The Freezing Chill

A.N.
Chapter Song: My Obsession by Skillet
-----
The bus stopped on the outskirts of the small town, letting Cedric and I off before he turned up his collar, walking with his hands in his pockets toward the shop. I followed suit, my breaths coming out as white puffs of air. After a few experimental breaths of pretending to be a dragon, he gave me a small smile, the cold already tinting his cheeks pink.

"So how did you like the Night Bus?"

"Night Bus?"

"Yeah, that's what everyone calls it. Much shorter than The Nightingale. Plus, you can find it at any time, even in the darkest parts of town at the latest times of the night. It's a little creepy, actually." Cedric asked, letting out a shaky laugh.

"Seemed alright. Why did that old guy have a shrunken head in the front with him?"

"Never really asked, I swear I think I hear it talk sometimes." he grinned and I laughed, bumping his shoulder with mine.

"Bull-shit!" I yelled, disbelieving.

Cedric shrugged one shoulder then the other in quick succession. I rolled my eyes in response, still smiling. Dork.

"We're here."

I looked at the sign as we walked in and a shiver ran down my spine. This is not a college bookstore, like I thought it would be. It was Olivander's.

The man looked up from his logbook, his eyes betraying the shock at seeing me. "Oh, hello again, Mr. Potter."

I spare a look to him but my eyes turn down in shame, this feels wrong. Going where Draco and I did, but with Cedric. It feels wrong.

Cedric goes off on his own to look for books and I stand by Olivander, silent. He doesn't look over at me and I don't look at him, either. Once Cedric comes back to pay for his books, my legs are itching to run away from here and back home. But what home? What home is truly mine?

----

Walking down the strip, my eyes are glued downward a yard ahead of me. Jesus, I had no clue I could feel like this. This fucking bad over absolutely nothing.

"Harry, what's wrong? You seem down all of a sudden. Did I do something?"

I shake my head, eyes not leaving the spot ahead of me, "This feels wrong."

"Wrong? Why?"

"I'm spending time with you but all I think of is what Draco would think."

"It's not healthy to worry so much about his approval." he muttered, stopping his stride to look at me.

"Healthy or not, he makes me happy."

"Sorry I'm not good enough, Harry, but you only have one more night. Then he'll be home soon."

I feel a pooling of bile move from my stomach to the bottom of my throat, I feel beyond guilty for making him feel so bad but being away from Draco doesn't feel right. It feels as though a part of me is missing, and even though I know my feelings (love?) for him at this point is borderline obsessive, it's like a drug. I feed off of him just being near me, as though he's the sunlight I need to keep growing. I look back to the ground and don't fight for something to say to make him feel better. He'd know I was just trying to make him feel better. I bite my lip and we continue walking side-by-side as the cold air burns my face in the freezing chill.

----

We get back to the house and I frown, my shoulders and back sore from the nervous tension I've gained from our long walk to the bus station and the ride back to the house in complete silence.

It's unspoken.

He knows that I don't wanna be here anymore, even if returning to the Malfoy manor means I'm returning to an empty house. I want to be in the place that has echoes of Draco lining the halls, and his books lining the shelves of his library. Even the promise of Dobby, his warm smile and fatherly air about him welcomes me back. I need family, even if it's not really mine, as opposed to feeling like an outsider to this one.

I can't stand it anymore.

----

We're sitting on the floor now, the television on but neither of us watching it, more like just staring in it's general direction. I speak up.

"If you don't mind, can I go ahead home?"

"My dad hasn't brought the truck back yet." he says with a reservation in his tone. "But if you can't wait until he gets back tonight, you can take the bus. Just tell them where you want to go. He usually only takes people who registered for the bus, but as long as you don't talk to him, he won't ask you why you didn't show your card."

I nod, "I'm sorry, I'm just-"

"Suffocating?" he finishes for me, and I nod.

"I get it. Really, I do. Just, be careful, okay? Draco may not be a threat, but his family is a force to be reckoned with."

I thank him, going into the bedroon and packing up my things before giving him a forced smile and walking out the door towards the bus stop.

------

A.N.

Sorry about the late update, everyone. It seems as though I'm hitting a very heavy dose of writer's block. What I can promise is that I will update every other time (one every four sundays) AT LEAST. THAT I can promise without fail. But I will update if I finish a chapter before then, because on top of the writer's block- life is getting packed. I have to get ready for college, my s/o just moved in a bit ago, the writer's block, AND I have to get a job soon. So, I apologize for any late updates in the future. This story is in the final stretch, so please bear with me.

With love,

deathbyinsomnia (Danny C)