𝔸 𝕃𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 ➁

71. Beautiful Love

"Rae?"

"Mmm?" She hummed up to me with a soft smile as we slow dance to the song.

"Do you think uh," Jesus, this is just not the fucking place or the time, "never mind."

She quirks a quizzical brow up at me saying, "are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, Rae." I let out a deep breath and try to pull her closer but she won't let me.

"What's your deal, Seth?" She sways her hips to the beat and my hands thoroughly enjoy the feeling. "What's going inside of that head of yours?"

"Do you ever want to get married again?" I asked the question as nonchalantly as I could.

"What?"

"I mean, you know, after everything with Liam."

"I don't know." Her brows furrow. "I haven't really thought about it. I'm not even fully divorced yet." I nod, looking over her shoulder at anything but her. Because the truth is, the moment I look at her I'm sure my face will give it all away. It always does. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason." The words came out of my mouth monotonously.

"Seth?" She stops her movement but I still don't look at her, I can't.

"Yes?" The word was a ghost of a whisper.

"Look at me." I don't. "Please, look at me, love." Now that makes me look down at her, right into those beautiful hazel eyes. And I let her do it. I let her read it, whatever it is she can see there inside of me, which is everything, I'm absolutely sure of it.

Now, never in my life have I been grateful for the fact my face gives everything away but in this very moment I don't mind. I think of all of the little moments we've shared together. I think of cradling her head in the bathroom, before I even really knew how she felt about me. I think about catching each other doing unspeakable things, her taking me into her mouth for the very first time. I think about the first time, a photograph I still have in my phone after all of these years. It's one I've looked at many nights while soaking myself in Jack Daniels, while thinking of everything we should've been.

I watch as her eyes fill with tears as I start to remember the harder things. I know she's right there with me, right there remembering all of the things that make us, us. All of those fights. All of those heated moments between us, all of that fire. All of those bright flames creating a light in our darkness. Our fire. No matter which way you look at it, good, bad, or indifferent, it was ours and god, was it beautiful.

The most beautiful thing of my existence.

Beautifully painful. Beautifully overwhelming. Beautifully heartbreaking. Beautifully beautiful. The most beautiful thing in my universe is the love I've experienced with Reagan. She's my comparison of beautiful to every other single thing in this world. There's no comparison to her because beautiful can't exist without Raegan. There's no such thing as beautiful without her.

"Seth, I love you so much. I-" She chokes on a sob as she continues to look into my eyes.

"Shhh." I pull her into my arms and she clings to me tightly. "I love you too, Rae. I'll never stop no matter how much we go through because we've been through just about everything together. And there's still so much I want to go through with you."

"I almost ruined everything, Seth. I moved away to try and make us better and I just..." she sobs into my chest and I hold her close to me thankful for the love song over the speakers.

"That's all in the past, Rae. We can't change things that have already happened but we can change our future. It's just you, me, and Jamie from here on out." Her sniffling begins to cease and she looks up at me with so much love in her eyes I feel like my heart is nearly going to explode.

"That sounds perfect, Seth." We begin swaying to the rhythm over the speakers, jut staring at each other, soaking each other in. "To answer your question from before; yes. I'd get married again but only to one person."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Must be a lucky guy. What's he like?"

"He's a giant." I give her a blinding smile. "With the most handsome smile I've ever seen."

"Hey, can I have this dance?" A southern accented voice asked, interrupting the middle of our emotional exchange. I look up to see a rather good-looking light-brown haired male asking for Rae's hand. He's probably about a decade older than her.

"Uh, uhm." Rae's body begins visibly shaking, "I'm all set right now, Collin."

He gives her a sly smile and says, "well, whenever you're ready, baby doll. I've missed you."

The man walks away, taking out a pack of smokes from the slacks of his dress pants. He's heading out the side door and he seems so familiar I can't place my finger on it. "Who was that?"

"That's my step-brother Collin." She's still trembling in my arms.

"What's wrong, Rae?"

"Nothing." She says those words but her eyes flutter, looking down at her side. She may have not even realized she did it but I definitely did. I know exactly what's wrong and who Collin is.