𝔸 𝕃𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 ➁

33. The Dog Days

She hasn't said anything. She's just standing there, staring at me with a blank face. I just told her I want her to let me love her and she's become an emotionless statue.

"Rae, say something." I run my hand through my hair while she just stares at me. "Please."

"What do you want me to say, Seth?"

"Something." I shrug. "I don't know... anything?"

"How can you want to be with me after what I just told you? You're not... not disgusted by me?"

"How could I be disgusted by you, Rae?" I put my hand on her cheek tenderly. "You're still, you. No matter what's happened, this girl in my hands, this woman, is the one that keeps me coming back. Bad shit or none, I want to be with you. Whether you want to tell me more or not, I still want to be with you."

She searches my eyes for a moment before whispering, "I'm fucking damaged, Seth."

"But you're not broken." I caress her cheek with my thumb. "No, not broken at all."

She closes her eyes and leans into my hand, taking a deep breath. "We have until the end of the summer."

I cock an eyebrow saying, "what?"

"We have until the end of the summer to show each other what you just said you wanted to show me. If by the end of the summer things don't work out then I'm moving to New York."

"To be with Liam?"

"Yes and no." I frown automatically. "He said I need to make a decision and even if I don't decide to be with him there's still The School of Visual Arts."

"What decision?"

"He basically broke up with me last night and said if I don't move to New York we're completely done." I feel a large smile take over my face. "I wouldn't be smiling like that if I were you. I was about to call him and tell him I was going to New York with him before you showed up last night."

That one kind of hurt but it also makes me believe I'd made the right decision by ending things with Chrissy and coming here last night. "Are you going to tell him?" She makes a questioning face. I nod over to the bed. "About that."

She glances at the bed with eyes full of shame. "I don't know, Seth."

"You don't know?" I asked incredulously. "Rae, you've got to tell him about the two of us. That we're trying to make things work."

"I'm not telling him about that." She pulls away from me, putting her hands over her face. "I can't tell him about the sex. That can't happen again."

I cross my arms over my chest. "What do you mean that can't happen again?"

"The sex."

"Why?"

"Because this needs to be about things other than sex. When sex is involved it just becomes too complicated."

"This isn't just about sex, Rae." At least I thought we'd established this point already several times. Especially after what she'd just told me and the moment we'd just had. "How can this be about just sex? You know it's not."

"Right." She takes her hands off her face. "So, if we're going to see where this can go, other than sex, we need to stop having it. It's not like we don't know we're compatible in that particular department. We just need to see if we're compatible in others."

"Uh," I have no idea how that's going to happen when every time I look at her I want to be buried inside of her but I continue with, "okay. We can take things slow if you'd like." I look her up and down wondering how on Earth I'm going to make that happen.