𝔸 𝕃𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 ➁

59. Don't Slip Because You'll Fall - ✭RAE✭

I feel absolutely terrible about what had transpired between Seth and I on Thanksgiving. I'd left the room and I noticed Sean had stayed behind, most likely knowing Seth was in there with me. Sean wasn't stupid, he was actually overly observant and I was ashamed he knew his son and I were doing something my husband would not be happy about.

I'd gone downstairs and found Jamie. He was getting sleepy from all the food and all of his playing with Amelia. Amelia had begged for Jamie to go over to their house for a play date and a sleepover. After getting to know Katie better I couldn't not say yes. She was actually really sweet and she was clearly so in love with Seth's dad it was ridiculous. I've never seen anyone look at someone like that.

That's how you look at Seth. My brain thinks it but I shove that right into the back of my mind where all the other Seth-induced thoughts are locked away. There was so much in that box that it was bound to burst open at some point like it almost had when he kissed me.

All rational thought had left my mind when he had said he'd wanted to kiss me, just like it had on my wedding day. I'd convinced myself I'd moved on. I'd convinced myself he'd moved on. You'd think two and a half years was enough time to but I'd been sorely mistaken.

I saw him on my wedding day. He had that broken look and my heart had faltered when I saw it. I mean, I knew he wouldn't be thrilled I was getting married. But I didn't think he would look quite like that. Even on the dancefloor, when he was dancing with his model girlfriend, he looked depressed.

When we'd danced together I knew I had to tell him. I didn't want him to hear it from Rhys or anyone else for that matter. I wanted him to hear it from me. I was going to move. I was going to have a baby. And then after I told him he'd uttered those words.

The woman I'm still in love with just got married. She just told me she's having a baby with her husband.

After two and a half years he was still in love with me and it occurred to me in that moment that I was still deeply, deeply in love with him. I had just gotten married and somehow, I'd accidentally gotten pregnant. All of the things Seth had said he'd wanted I'd stolen from him and given them to someone else. Then I made him watch it happen and I'd felt so fucking terrible that I lost all control of myself. And I never lose control.

It took me fifteen minutes to get myself under control. Rhys had continued dancing with me, telling me to be happy, and that's when I told Rhys it was just the hormones. That's also when Liam announced to the entire room the happy news. And when I'd looked around for Seth, he was gone. All I could think about is how hearing Liam say it like he was the happiest man on the planet would just be another dagger stuck inside of him.

After that day I locked everything that was Seth into a box that I hid in the recess of my mind. I threw myself into being the best wife I could be and when Jamie came I let parenthood consume me. We'd moved and it was easy to slowly let those memories fade in my new surroundings.

Then we'd come back to Boston five years later and all it took was for me to see him twice. In all honesty all it took was that first day. Seeing him with Jamie had made my heart swell to a size that I didn't think my chest was capable of fitting. And the way Jamie adored him made that swollen organ ache. He wouldn't stop talking about him and that's what had gotten me into trouble with Liam. Well, among the many other things I can't seem to do right for him these days.

I'd gotten out my laptop the next day and we'd skyped Liam. When he asked Jamie how he was liking Boston he said he absolutely loved it because he'd made a new friend. Liam told him he thought that was wonderful but when he'd asked who you could tell he no longer thought that was wonderful. Jamie didn't just mention him either, he'd told him every single thing we did with him, that we'd spent an entire day with him. I knew I was in trouble the moment Seth's name left his lips, let alone the entire experience with him and Jamie.

Before we'd hung up he told me I needed to call him back after I put Jamie to bed. That conversation had gone absolutely terrible. I told him it was just a coincidence and not that I'd planned an outing with him or anything but he was still upset that I'd agreed to do anything with him. He'd screamed at me, something he seemed to be quite comfortable doing these days. He told me to be on my best behavior and that he knew he should've never let me come back.

Thanksgiving morning I'd talked to him and when I told him who was coming over he was furious. He told me he didn't want Jamie anywhere near Seth but I told him how much Jamie liked him and that just made it so much worse. He'd laughed sardonically and told me that of course Jamie likes him. He's your son, he'd said, like it was a bad thing. The words had hurt but it didn't change the fact that they were true.

Jamie is my son indeed and his immediate attraction to Seth had made me sigh internally. Jamie didn't like most people but like Liam had said, of course he liked Seth. And Seth was amazing with him. Watching the two of them together, Seth teaching him how to box, helping him with his lunch, carrying him on his shoulders, and then the two of them looking up at me begging to spend more time together, killed me.

Thank god Rhys had shown up when he did because I would've caved. I would've said we can see him every day, as many times as Jamie would like. Rhys didn't ask me about it and I'm thankful for it. Jamie had told him all about it though. He couldn't stop talking about it.

And after Thanksgiving he couldn't stop talking about Amelia either. He'd also told Liam about Amelia which Liam was okay with, surprisingly. He was even fine that Jamie was spending the night at Sean and Katie's place tonight. He was fine as long as I made sure I called him later this evening after I got a check in call from Katie. Until then, I'd decided to go to a bar I used to frequent back when I worked at the gallery.

"Sunshine!" Lou calls the minute he sees me. "How've you been?"

"Lou!" I say excitedly. It's been years since I've seen him. "I'm doing well." I grab a seat at the bar. It's a Friday night and it's packed. "How about you?"

"Same old, same old." He makes me a green apple martini and sets it in front of me. "First one is on the house, beautiful."

"Trust me, it won't be the last one."

"One of those nights?" I nod. "It's a good thing your friend is here to be able to bring you home again." He lets out a laugh but I don't. "He just got here about a half hour before you did." He nods over to his right where I see Seth swirling his drink in his hand. He gulps the rest of it.

"Make him another one for me and tell him it's on me."

"You got it, sunshine." Lou makes quick work of making Seth his drink and delivers it to him. He leans over and then points in my direction. His eyes widen in surprise when I lift my glass and nod my head in his direction.

I smile when he gets out of his chair and heads over to me. This is a bad idea. But even though I think it I push the thought away. It's just a drink or two, right? There's no harm in that. There's plenty of harm in that.

"Thanks for the drink." He says as he slides onto the seat next to me. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed some time to myself. I like staying at my brother's place and everything but there's only so much I can take of him."

He laughs and then takes a sip of his drink. "Yeah, I hear you. Where's Jamie at?"

"He's actually staying with your dad and Katie. He and Amelia are having a sleepover."

"That's awesome. She was telling me how much she likes him. So, you're free tonight?" I nod at him and he fidgets with his drink a little bit. "You, uh, you want to get out of here?"

"Seth-"

"Not like that," he reassures me as he finishes his drink. "I was thinking you could come with me to the club. I told my dad that I'd stop by tonight and pick up some paperwork because he can't. We could dance and the drinks are free there at least."

"I told Lou I'd stay for a couple of drinks."

"After a couple of drinks then?"

And even though everything in me is screaming at me to say no, I don't. Instead I reply, "yeah, okay." And the blinding smile he gives me in response makes my heart palpitate dangerously in my chest.