𝔸 𝕃𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 ➁

51. Making The Same Mistakes

"Take me." She utters making me pause my ministrations on her. I look up at her unmoving form. "It's all I can think about every time I touch myself. Those times where you," she grinds her hips, "pumped mercilessly into me. It's all I can-" she moans out loudly into the room as she begins to convulse atop me. She's beginning to orgasm again and it's making me want to cum inside of her. "Seth, babe, I'm-" I grab onto her and flip her onto the mattress.

"Like this?" I begin thrusting into her almost viciously. "You think about this while you touch yourself?" She clenches down harder around me with a loud scream in response. "I think about it too and every time I fucking cum I think about doing it inside of you." And with those words to her I lose myself completely.

My pace falters as I begin to fall into the orgasmic abyss. Her hands wrap inside my hair as she kisses my face gently now. She's whispering sweet nothings into my ear and I can't remember ever feeling so fully satisfied than I do in this moment.

Once my orgasm has fully rode through me I look down at her. I've missed this sight over the past two months. I've missed looking down and seeing her face. It's not the same with other women. It never feels this way.

"I'm still in love with you." I can't help but whisper the words down to her. She just looks back at me blankly for a moment before responding.

"I still love you too but it doesn't change the situation between us, Seth." I feel the last of me completely deflate at that. I'd guessed she'd say that. I'd already assumed she'd feel this way. I honestly didn't think she'd even let me inside her apartment let alone inside of her.

"I know, Rae, I know." I give her a small peck on the lips before I roll off the top of her. "Doesn't mean I don't still love you." I say the words up to the ceiling.

"That can't happen again." The words make me close my eyes. They're words I already knew she'd say but it doesn't make them hurt any less. "Not that I didn't enjoy it. It's just..." She pauses when I roll over and throw my legs over the side of the bed. "Seth?"

"I should probably get going." I begin to stand up but she sits up and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Wait, don't go just yet." I look at the wall in front of me blankly.

"It'll hurt us both more if I stay." I say the words to the wall, not looking back at her.

"I know but I don't care."

"So, you want me to stay for a few hours?" She doesn't say anything. "For the night." I'm still looking at the wall.

"I want you for the night." She places a soft tender kiss on my neck and it makes me shut my eyes tightly pushing away the aching feeling in my chest. "I want something to remember you by when you're gone."

"You're making it sound like this is the last night we're ever going to spend together." She doesn't respond so I look over my shoulder. She bats her lashes up at me a mere inch away from my lips.

"It's going to be the last time for a long while, Seth." She looks a bit somber. "You know we need to figure things out for ourselves. We need time to grow without one another, fix the broken bits. We can't be each other's crutch anymore."

"I know." I kiss her nose tenderly as she snuggles into my shoulder. "Which is why I should go before either of us get too attached again."

"It's one night, Seth."

"You're killing me, Raegan." I give her a sad smile. "You're telling me I need to leave you alone while begging me to stay."

"I know and I'm sorry. It's unfair of me to ask that." She pulls away from me but I throw the covers down and put my legs back in the bed. "You're staying?"

I roll onto my side, looking at her face inches away from mine saying, "just remember you asked for it." But the beautifully blinding smile she gives to me will be worth all the pain tomorrow will bring.

✩✩✩

We spent the entire night talking with one another, filling each other in on what we've missed in the past two months. She even told me about her one-night-stand and how she couldn't get off. I'd told her about the women I'd been with since her and exactly what it took for me to be able to finally achieve release. It was an odd thing to talk about with each other but strangely it didn't really bother me. It didn't seem to bother her either.

That's because I'm not in a relationship with her anymore...

As soon as I think it I feel somber but it's just the reality. I'd just left her apartment after an awkward and sad goodbye. We didn't have sex again, once was enough. I think if we had more than that we wouldn't be able to let go of one another. We hardly could part as it were.

"Seriously?" I hear a familiar male voice say, causing me to look up once I'd reached the bottom of her steps. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"Good to see you too, Liam." I'm standing face to face with him at the bottom of the stairs. She told me everything Liam had done for her and as much as I don't like him I'm glad she has him. You know, since she no longer has or wants me.

"You're back together?" His brow furrows sadly. And I shake my head no. "Why are you here then?"

"I was just here to see how she's doing." He doesn't need to know the real reason was because both of us needed to get off.

"She's probably going to be a wreck now because of you."

"Well, she's not the only one." I let out a hearty breath thinking of how I'm already missing her and I'd just left her. "Listen, thank you for taking care of her."

He scoffs. "It sure as hell isn't for your benefit."

"I know, I'm just saying, she needs you." I feel the self-loathing start and I wonder if this is how my dad feels when he gets like this.

"I know she does. She sure as shit doesn't need someone like you." He says in a curt tone.

"I'm more than aware. Just, before I go, can you just tell me you'll always look out for her?" I hate that it can't be me here with her, comforting her but it can't. I've got scars to heal just like she does.

He nods and says, "of course."

I don't say anything else as I exit the building and head into the busy city street. Once I get to the parking garage I feel myself begin to completely fall apart. I hurry to get in my truck and the moment I do I feel a sob escape me.

I wasn't kidding with Liam when I said she wouldn't be the only one a wreck today. Not just today either, probably for the foreseeable future. I put my car in drive when I finally get ahold of myself. There's only one person I want to see right now, one place I want to be, and that's with my dad.