𝔸 𝕃𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝔻𝕒𝕣𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤 ➁

41. Meaningful Talks

"Oh god, no, Rae." I try to touch her, to comfort her but she backs away from me. "No," I reassure her, "I was not thinking about Sarah while we were being intimate together."

"Were you- did she-," she looks away from me, "did she turn you on and that's why you wanted to fuck me like that?"

"Raegan, I swear to fucking Christ himself that what happened between us had absolutely nothing to do with her." Well, from what she'd told me but not her specifically. There's no way in hell I'm telling her that though. I blow out a long breath instead and say, "she's the one who told me about Katie. Katie hasn't said a fucking thing to me since we slept together."

"So, the two of you were in a relationship together? You and this Katie girl?"

"No, it was a one time thing. I don't know what happened. I wore a condom but I think it broke while we were fucking." She visibly cringes. "I'm sorry, Rae. It was an accident that happened so long ago and I was fucking wasted."

"She's so beautiful." Rae says as she sniffles and wipes tears away from her face. "The two of you will make one gorgeous baby."

I feel my face fall at those words. "Rae, sweetheart, if I wanted to have kids with anyone it definitely wouldn't have been with Katie." It would be with you. But that's also not something I'm going to utter out loud right now.

"You know I don't want kids, Seth." She said it like she'd heard my internal thought. "I don't know how to handle this whole situation."

I give her a sad frown before saying, "don't you think I know that? Why do you think I didn't want to tell you?"

"You kept this from me for weeks, Seth. I can't believe you would keep this from me." She shakes her head in disbelief. "Where do we go from here? I don't know if-"

"I know, Rae. You don't have to say it. I know you don't want to stick around now. I know you're going to New York." I look at the ground woefully. "I know this is my mistake and I need to handle it. I know it's over between us."

"What?" She walks up to me and places her palm on my cheek. "I'm not going to leave you. Why would you think I would leave you, Seth?"

My eyes flicker down to hers in surprise. "You mean you'd stay in a relationship with me even though I'm having a kid with another woman?"

Tears flow down her cheeks as she caresses my face. "Of course I will, Seth."

"Why?" My voice cracks on the word.

She blinks a few times through her tears. "Because I love you. I have always been in love with you."

I look down at this small and beautiful woman who's looking up at me with adoration. "I love you too, Rae." I place both of my hands on the sides of her face and wipe her tears away with my thumbs. "I love you so much."

"You do?"

"I've never been in love before you. It's never felt this way." I give her a warm smile and pull my hands away from her tearless face. "You're my first, babe."

She wraps her arms around my waist and nuzzles into my chest. "I've loved you since I was a little girl, Seth. I've never stopped."

"You've got an interesting way of showing it." I let out a small laugh as I place a kiss in her hair.

"Shut up."

I hold her in my arms tightly, never wanting to let her go. This small fiery woman is mine and to my utter amazement she's not going to leave me. She's going to stay with me through my complete fuck up.

"You don't have to, Rae." I mumble into her hair. "You really don't have to stay. I know you love me but I don't want you to feel obligated to me. I want you to have the future you want, not just be a stepmother at twenty-two years old."

"I'm staying, Seth." Her arms hug me tighter. "I'm going to stay right here inside of your arms until someone tears me away."

"You're amazing." I kiss her again. "So fucking amazing. I'm so fucking lucky to have you as my own."

"Have you spoken to her about what she wants to do?"

"No, I haven't even spoken to her about it at all." I realize in this moment that the baby may not even be mine. I haven't even confirmed if I'm the father with her yet. "She hasn't said a word to me. I've only talked to Sarah about it."

She pulls away slightly, "so how do you even know if it's your baby or not?"

I look down into her questioning hazel eyes and honestly tell her, "I don't."

Her eyebrows scrunch together, "you're telling me you haven't talked to her in almost two weeks? She's got to be ready to pop any day now, Seth. For fuck's sake you need to find her and talk to her."

"You're right."

And she is. The next thing I need to do is find Katie and find out once and for all if this child is mine. And find out if I'm going to be a father at twenty-five years old.