Ineffable Husbands Oneshots

When Life Gives You Lemons

'Welcome! This is our game show, When Life Gives you Lemons. We will be giving a few lucky people lemons and see what they do! Our first contestant is Anthony J Crowley!'

C: Wtf?

'Now bring out the lemons!'

C: *holding 2 lemons* Wtf?

'Crowley, you have been blessed with lemons. What are you going to do now?'

C: Blessed?! *throws lemons as far as he can, they end up smacking poor @-gay_trash69- in the head, knocking them out*

'Is insurance gonna cover that? No? Okay. Let's get out of here. Ahem. On to the next contestant, Mr A. Z. Fell himself!'

A: Um, hello?

'Welcome to When Life Gives you Lemons! Here are you lemons!'

A: *holding basket of lemons* O-okay?

'What are you going to do with them?'

A: Probably make lemonade and hand it out to everyone. :)

'You heard it here folks! Make lemonade! Now thats refreshing!

A: It certainly is.

'Alrighty, next!'

*Gabriel appears*

'Hello Archangel Gabriel. We have a gift for you.'

G: For me?

'Yes, for you. Here is your gift.'

G: *With 1 lemon in hand* What is this?

'Your gift.'

G: This is a fruit.

'Yes! Great observation!'

G: Why a fruit?

'Not just any fruit, it is the most blessed fruit in all existence, given by God herself!'

G: Well, I wouldnt want to displease the Almighty. *Takes huge bite*

'How is it?'

G: *shuddering, with face screwed up* Its gr-great. Very, um, blessed. *Takes another bite*

'Well Im gonna let you enjoy that.... Onto Beelzebub!'

*Bee appears, replacing Gabriel*

B: What the fuck do you want?

'Im here to-'

B: Not interested.

'But-'

B: Goodbye. *goes back to Hell*

'Uh. Okay. Um. That was the list. What do we do now? No! I am not going to quit this job! Im fired? You cant fire me! I quit and you can't do anything about it! Ha! Oh, were still recording..... Im going to go now.... Bye!'