Missing you || KSI

65

JJ and I just got into the car. It was around 4 in the morning. We hung out with James for a while then left as it was getting late. We decided to go through In N' Out's drive through for a snack. I decided that I was going to order a cheeseburger and a large fry.

"Hey welcome to In N' Out. How may I help you?" The lady said.

"Hey! Uhm I'll get a cheeseburger, a water and a large fry." I said as JJ decided on his order.

"I'll get a chicken salad and a water." He said, deciding to eat something healthy since he had a boxing match coming up.

"Boo you whore." I said as he chuckled.

"That'll be it." I said turning back to the mic.

"Okay $13.40 at the first window. She said as I pulled forward. I handed her fifteen dollars and told her to keep the change, cause like I don't care.

We pulled forward to the next window and then grabbed our food. I made sure to check the bag before pulling away from the window because they always forget shit. Once we had checked it all, I drove for about another hour towards the house, so our food was probably so cold by now.

"Home sweet home." I said as I unlocked the door.

"It feels good to be back here." JJ said.

"Yeah." I replied setting the food on the coffee
table and belly flopping onto my couch.

"I love you." JJ said, laughing.

"Hey. Can we talk about something serious really quick?" I asked as I set my shoes on the shoe rack, as well as JJs.

"Yeah baby of course." He said as I walked back over and sat next to him.

"Do you ever see yourself settling down, getting married and having kids?" I asked, because I know if I ever did get pregnant, I would never have an abortion.

"Um. I don't really know." JJ replied.

"It's hard to see myself ever being a dad. Or even a husband." He added leaving a sour look on my face.

"Oh." I answered deciding to stay quiet. And it was really awkward from there on.

"I guess we should start eating." I replied quietly.

"Yeah." He answered as we dug into the food. I picked at a few fries here and there but, I wasn't really hungry anymore. My mind kept traveling to JJ saying he couldn't see himself marrying me or having kids with me.

Like I kind of based my future on that. I even told James, it was one of my goals. It kind of hurt, knowing he did not feel the same. But, I eventually got full enough, that I put half of my burger and half of my fries in the fridge then went into my room to put on some sweatpants and a hoodie.

I picked out black adidas sweats, and a burgundy vans hoodie. I then put my hair up into a high bun, then walked back into the living room to see JJ on his phone.

"Hey." I whispered, sitting next to him turning on keeping up with the Kardashian's.

"Hey Baby." He whispered back pulling me into a hug.

"You okay?" He added. I just shrugged my shoulders, because honestly I didn't know. I was hurting and didn't want to admit it.
"You made a promise to me the other day that I would one day marry you right?" I asked him making sure I wasn't crazy.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Yet now you're saying you can't see yourself getting married?" I asked.

"I mean I guess?" He asked. I just hummed in response.

"Is that what's bugging you?" He asked.

"Yeah. Yeah it is. Okay. You happy now? You broke me. Okay. I want to marry you one day. And oh guess what? I wanna have kids with you one day. But you don't ever see yourself doing that." I said getting up and walking out of the room as tears flowed down my face.

I walked outside to my back patio, and sat there crying for a few minutes. Crying because the person I love and based my future off of, doesn't want to get married. It broke my heart. And I just could comprehend why. That's when the sliding glass door opened, and I didn't turn around to look at him, because thats admitting weakness.

"Kay?" JJ asked crouching down next to me with his hand on my back.

"Baby, I didn't mean to upset you. Of course I wanna get married to you and have kids with you. I just said it was hard seeing myself in that way. I have always been such a player and shit like that. So settling down never really crossed my mind. But I thought it over, and yeah I want to have kids, and yeah I want to get married. All because I love you so fucking much." He said making a few more tears come out of my eyes as I looked up at him, and he pulled me into a hug.

While we were hugging the sun started to rise. It was like we were living in a fairytale. One big happy world.