Night Air

Chapter 44

*Niall's POV*

Ryan always told me to do it... I just didn't think that it would ever get this bad... or addictive. I'm currently down to 95.2 pounds, but I still feel fat. I still feel like I have way too much extra skin on my stomach, but no matter what I do - between the 3 hour workouts I've been doing for the last month, the vomiting, and lack of eating- I can't seem to make it go away.

Brittany confronted me about it yesterday after gym. We were the only two left in the smelly and beat up locker room, and as I changed back into my shirt, I heard her whimper. She looked like she was close to crying, but then she turned angry. She told me that I would end up killing myself if I kept doing what I was doing and I told her that I was fine. We fought for a few minutes until she finally started crying and stormed out of the locker room. I didn't mean to make her cry. I still feel guilty about it. She hasn't talked to me nor replied to any of my texts since.

Dad still doesn't know anything. He has no idea that I'm working out for three hours after school everyday. He still thinks that I'm getting after school torturing. Dad would force me to come home and physically shove food down my throat if he knew everything I was doing for a fitter body. I think he's started to figure out that something's up, and it's hurting him that I'm hiding it from him and pretending that I'm okay.

I'm not trying to hurt anybody, but so far, it seems like that's all I've been doing to the two people left on this Earth that I actually give a damn about.

I started getting a little choked up as I read her 49th entry, which was written on April 25, 2012. This was hurting me and it was already over and done with over two and a half years ago. I just can't believe that Alyssa- someone as beautiful and fucking perfect as Alyssa- could ever think of herself like that. I don't care how "big" she thought she was when she thought she needed to start becoming bulimic, but it was frustrating. Someone like Alyssa can't just become fucking perfect over night. Hell, she was more than likely born perfect. If Alyssa ever starts that shit again, I'm going to have to step in and it won't be pretty. I refuse to let her ever think of herself as anything other than fucking perfect- because she is.

The door to my hotel room opened and my eyes widened. I forgot that Alyssa had also gotten a key to my room since it was "only fair, you asshole." Whatever.

I quickly shoved the notebook into the nightstand and walked out of the bedroom in my suite. Alyssa stood at the doorway taking her flip-flops off. She looked happy.

She looked up at me as I stood in front of the couch, now, and she galloped over to me like a damn puppy. My eyes widened, as she got closer and jumped up, sending me back into the couch. She giggled, now straddling my lap, and left a giant and playful kiss on my lips, taking me by surprise.

"What are you so happy and giggly about?" I laughed as we disconnected.

"So I went in and talked to the people at Victoria's Secret today..." She trailed off. I bit my lip and looked at her, just thinking what it would be like to see her modeling in cute underwear.

I gave a quiet, "Uh huh..." telling her to continue.

"And I tried on a few things and they said that I would be perfect for a new group they're organizing and that they will call me and see about setting up an interview. Oh! And Steph went with me and they said the same to her! They really liked us, Ni!" She excitedly slapped my arm as she continued and I couldn't help but smile up at her. She was just so God damn beautiful, it felt unreal. The use of my nickname had my heart rate increasing immediately, but I didn't show that it was giving me butterflies and instead slipped my hands under her shirt, touching her stomach. I felt her immediately suck in. Guess she does still have those insecurities.