Night Air

Chapter 43

Whenever you're younger, people seem to make it out like growing up isn't anything to blink or sneeze at. Like it's just another part of life- which I guess it is- but nobody ever told us how much things change. Nobody ever said anything about feelings.

I remember as a kid thinking that becoming an adult seemed like the greatest thing in the world, but nobody ever mentioned that people change and feelings change. I thought as a little kid that becoming an adult meant you had all the answers, but if that were true, I wouldn't be so confused.

Being a little kid chasing the cute boy with a closely related last name (since the only way you know him is because of ABC order) is easy. There's no heartbreak and nothing to lose. Telling your 6-year-old crush that they're cute is nothing because all you have to do is throw in half of your snack-time treat. Next thing you know- BAM, you two are "in love" and boyfriend and girlfriend forever.

It was easy then.

There was no fear of rejection, and if it did happen, oh well. You had a whole 12 years of school ahead of you to make up for it so everything was okay.

I so desperately wanted to go back to then and just make this so much easier. Thinking about Niall would be easier, talking to him would be easier, and telling him that I was starting to grow really deep and intense feelings for him would be easier, as well. I'd just throw in half of a Cosmic Brownie and viola.

My feelings wouldn't be messed up, my heart wouldn't hurt every time I looked at him and wondered what there was to come between us in the future. I wouldn't feel empty when he walks away, and waking up without him wouldn't secretly kill me on the inside. I'd be okay, but right now, I wasn't sure if I was or not. Hell, I wasn't even sure what was going on. Could Niall like me? Could Calum be right in saying that I changed him or that he changed for me? I didn't know, but I was craving for answers. I was actually currently craving every thing since I was on my period, but that was beside the point.

I wanted chocolate pudding.

I needed answers.

I was craving them and stuck thinking about anything so much, I had completely forgotten where I was, who I was with, and what we were talking about until there was a tan hand waving up and down in my face. I blinked a few times to clear my vision and my ears suddenly tuned back in.

"Hello? Alyssa?" I shook my head after feeling myself drift cross-eyed and looked up to Calum's face. I blinked a few times and he raised an eyebrow as if expecting an answer.

"Oh, sorry. Yeah. I agree." I didn't know what I was agreeing to, but it better be the right answer.

"You agree? So you agree when I say that I'm not sure when Shannon and I should start planning for our wedding?" He looked confused, and maybe even a little amused.

I sighed and leaned back onto his bed. "Sorry." I mumbled while rubbing my makeup-less eyes. "My mind is just... drifting."

He looked down at me and smiled while leaning back against the bed next to me. "You know, Shannon was once right where you are."

My eyes widened and I quickly sat up. "Ew. Why did I want to know this?" I didn't want to know that his girlfriend was right where I was sitting or what was happening at that point.

Calum looked up at me funny before clutching his stomach and howling out in laughter. "No. I didn't mean like that." He stopped talking to laugh again and I slowly started to join him, not really sure what was going on. "I meant," He took a giant breath. "I meant she was mentally and emotionally where you are."

I laughed at this and laid back down suddenly feeling stupid. "Oh." He laughed again and I cleared my throat as heat arrived in my cheeks. "What do you mean?"