Night Air

Chapter 66

*Niall's POV*

I sighed and chucked the rest of my cigarette against the concrete beneath my feet. She thought I was too busy for her? Of course I wasn't. I hadn't stopped thinking about her since Saturday morning when I had that talk with her dad and that's all I've really been doing. I was doing what her father had told me to and stopped hanging out with her. I wouldn't be able to stand to look at my own reflection if she ever found out the truth. It would hurt her too much and it would kill me to know that I was the sole cause of that pain.
I cared for her too much.

I sighed and pulled out my phone. I couldn't tell her why I was being distant, but I could at least reply to her texts that she had been giving me- tell her that I'm not too busy for her.
I sent the text and leaned my back against the wall with a sigh. Part of me wanted this week to end already, but the other part of me didn't. It was just too hard.

I stood there for a good five minutes out in the cold, but my phone never buzzed. She wasn't going to respond, and to be honest, I didn't necessarily blame her.
I finally moved off of the wall and headed back inside. The cold was finally starting to get to me and I could feel my nose becoming redder and redder. I needed to go to bed already- make this day end. Then I would be one day closer to never seeing Alyssa ever again.
Unfortunately.

The next day seemed to drag on and I couldn't keep my eyes off of the seemingly frozen clock. Alyssa's turn had already came and went, but it didn't last long enough. That was the one time of the day that the clock actually seemed to work.
Even if we weren't having light conversation like we normally did and even if I wasn't making her laugh while I shot photos of her, I still enjoyed having her in my presence. I liked knowing that she was there with me. I felt so at peace having her with me. The outside world full of violence and crime and my past seemed to disappear and not matter.
When the clock finally reached four, I sighed and took my camera off from around my neck. "That's a wrap," I told my last girl of the day.
She smiled and told me to have a nice day before walking out the door and disappearing. I shook my head. Have a nice day. I scoffed to nobody. Who even came up with that saying?
Have a nice day.
I know it's a nice thing to say and all, but it's like you're giving an command with too many variables. Just because someone tells you to have a nice day doesn't mean you will actually have a nice day. You won't always be able to listen. What am I suppose to do? Go back to my room and sulk because I can't have Alyssa, but then stop sulking because someone told me that I should have a nice day?
No. Fuck you.

I took the memory card out of my camera then set it down on the table. Tom would be around soon to grab it. With a heavy sigh, I packed up the camera and threw the bag I had packed it in over my shoulder. It was finally time to end the day and then wake up just to end another. Then another. Then the last day.

It was finally down to counting the last days.

I pushed open the doors to the set room just to see someone standing all alone against the wall on the other side of the empty hair and make up room. "Alyssa?" I questioned stalking closer. She didn't say anything and just continued to stare at me. "What are you still doing here? Your shoot ended over-"
"I came to talk to you," she cut me off, making me stop my feet where I was about two meters from her.
"Okay," I said after what felt like forever, "what do you want to talk about?"
"I just want to know why you've been so distant since Saturday." She crossed her arms over her chest as if she had an attitude, but the tone in her voice told me she didn't.
"Did you get my text last night?" I asked sheepishly.
"Yeah, I got it."
I shrugged. "You didn't respond. That's not my fault."
She uncrossed her arms and took a step from the wall. "Maybe because you haven't been replying to me. Maybe because I actually wanted to talk face-to-face. And what the hell does that even mean 'I'm not too busy for you'?" Her voice was starting to get louder. "If it's not that you're busy then what the hell is it?"
I sighed and pinched my eyes shut, replaying what the girl said to me.
Have a nice day.
"It means I... I..." I opened my eyes to see her eyebrows raised at me trying to hint for me to spit it out. "Damn it! I don't know what it means, okay?" She crossed her arms again. Now she had an attitude.
"Just tell me why you've been distant and short with me since Saturday."
I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. I shook my head at her, struggling to find words. "I can't."
"Can't what?"
"I can't explain to you why. Okay? You just wouldn't get it."
There were a few beats of silence when I finally looked away from her. Finally, I heard her voice calmly tell me, "Try me."
I shook my head while still looking anywhere but her. "I have to go." I tore my eyes from the yellow wall behind her and spun on me heel, my mind on walking through that door that was only ten feet from me.
She didn't chase after me and, for a few seconds, I didn't think she would say anything. But she did. "It's because of Friday night, isn't it?"
As the smooth sound of her voice echoed in my ears, my feet froze. I wasn't prepared for her to say that. Slowly, I turned around and met her eyes with mine. "What?" I asked slowly.
"It is, isn't it?" She sounded as if she was almost on the brink of tears, but she kept strong. Which was good, because I wasn't sure what I would have done if she would have opened the flood gates.
"No," I told her sternly and simply. I didn't like that she thought I was too busy for her, but even more than that, I hated that she could think I was distant because of Friday night. Friday night was special and, while I still felt unworthy and guilty for being the first to have a night like that with her, I wasn't ashamed of it or about to ignore her because of it. She wasn't like the others.
"Then why can't you just tell me?" She asked me quietly, taking a few steps forwards. "It's obvious something is up and I really wish I could help."
I shook my head at her. She didn't understand and there was no way she  would ever be able to. "There's nothing you can do to help, Alyssa." She sighed and looked to the floor. "It's too complicated."
After neither one of us said anything for a while, I started walking away from her and out the door.
You should tell her, my conscious told me. She deserves to know. She means everything to you.
I scoffed at my conscious and shook my head as I started down the sidewalk. I decided against calling a cab. It felt better to walk the way back to the hotel and clear my head.
She doesn't mean everything to me, I said in my head to my conscious. Everything is a strong word. More like a lot. She means a lot to me.