Night Air

Chapter 49

*Niall's POV*

I did it. I did what I had to, and although it hurt both of us in the meantime, in the long run, it will all turn out fine. She can go off and be with some smart and rich lawyer or doctor and I can go back to my old life of girls, drugs, and alcohol as if these last two months never existed. Regardless of what I said to her, she did change me and I know she did, but if one girl can change me in a matter of two months, then I'm sure jail and all my friends can change me back in the matter of two days. It shouldn't take much. She didn't change me that much, did she?
But the thing is, since I started to have a real interest in her, I've hardly been able to look at another girl. I remember that one night that I tried and went out to a bar, got drunk, then brought a girl home. I don't remember her name, but I do remember that I kept calling her Alyssa and she ended up storming out of my hotel room. I seriously can't even look at other girls- much less sleep with any. I'd rather sleep with Alyssa, not that that's the only reason I started talking to her. That was a lie, too. I do want to sleep with her, though. Also, I hope she knows that I never slept with Haley. I only told her that so she would maybe take it to Tom and he would fire Haley. Evil, I know, but I thought that Alyssa should at least get something nice out of the last month since I know she'll probably be whining over me for at least the first day. I hope so, anyways, because I don't actually know when I'll stop whining about her.

The models and the crew were moving to Paris the next day and I used that as a perfect opportunity to leave and go back. I was all packed up and ready to go back to Indiana at 4am the next morning, an hour before any of the girls would be awake.

2:30 the next morning came around super early even though I tried to go to bed by nine o'clock the night before. I guess you could say I was in bed by nine o'clock, but I wasn't asleep. I couldn't sleep at all. I just laid there wide awake the whole time thinking about what I told Alyssa and how I treated her. She thought I was going to hurt her! The second my fist came in contact with that wall, I knew what I had done and I knew that I fucked up. I scared her and she flinched away from me. That hurt more than I thought anything could. Having Alyssa flinch away from me because she was scared I was going to hurt her ended up hurting me and I was kicking myself for it now. That's why we can never be together. Not because I'm not open to the idea- because believe me, she changed my mind on the whole dating thing- but becaue she doesn't deserve a fuck up like me. She deserves someone that will treat her like the princess she is all the time, not just when he feels like not being an asshole. She needs someone that would never hide anything from her- I've been hiding something big from her this whole time. She deserves someone who didn't use to fuck a different girl every night and actually had to get checked to make sure he didn't have any STDs and crap. I'm not her type and she's not the kind of girl that I usually mess with, but somehow we ended up enjoying our time together anyways and she opened herself up to me.
Sure, many girls have also opened up their bodies to me and whatnot, but it was never the same. They did it because they lusted for me and were just looking for a one-night thing. Alyssa did it because she trusted me and felt safe enough around me to become so vulnerable and exposed. She could probably tell I was lying when I told her that I only hung around her to fuck her because if that was true, I would have stolen her virginity right there in that shower that one night. If that were the case, I wouldn't have cared that she was sad or that she had a boyfriend. I just would have done it.
But I didn't, because that wasn't why I was there. I was there to support her and make her feel better, and not in an erotic way. Just in a human way. Just so she could feel important, and I tried my hardest to make her feel important. I was gentle with her body and careful with her feelings. Her exposed body will forever mean more to me than any other hoe's because she's important to me. She will probably always be important to me even if I never see her again.