BULLIED

Submission 1081

Yes, I have experience bullying, for 5 years. It all started when I was 6 years old. People would bully me for being the outcast of the group. Calling me names I've never heard before, it broke my heart. I didn't know what I did wrong, or if I did anything wrong, but all I knew was that I was being bullied and that I didn't like it. I tried to push the words away, to just ignore them, but the more I ignored, the more insults were blown my way. For a couple years of my life, I debated whether I should become suicidal or not. Thinking about the pros and the cons, it was a forever debate, until one day.

Then when I became 8, I had finally had it. I made my decision, to become suicidal. It was one of the biggest decisions of my life, but I chose that path. For three years of my life, I did a lot of self-harm. Back then, I didn't think self-harm was necessarily a bad thing, and at the age of 8, I don't even know how I got the idea of death? But all I knew was the if death could stop all pain, that was the direction I was heading in.

People at school would abuse me. They punched me until I was coughing up blood, they threw me up against walls, the stabbed me with pencils and pens, even whipped me with jump ropes. And did I complain? I didn't even breathe a word about what happened. Knowing that if I told anyone, I'd be getting another beating. So I kept silent. People called me the "mute" girl because of how silent I was. I'd never complain if we had a lot of homework, or if we didn't have P.E. class, or anything. I remained silent, like a ghost almost.

I never had anyone there for me. My parents didn't go to school with me, and I had maybe one or two friends, but they always seemed to be ignoring me, so that left me alone to suffer. But I never spoke a word, not a letter, not a syllable, not even a mouth movement. I didn't have any to stand up for me, but I didn't want anyone to stand up for me. I wanted to fight for myself, but I never found the courage.

One day, I can remember so clearly, it had been the worst of days, I was beaten up so badly that I was fully ready to die. So very late in the evening, maybe around midnight, I crawled out of my bed, and I found whatever high poisonous substance I could find, mixed it all together, and drank it, along with some soda to subdue the taste, even though it didn't taste terrible, in my opinion. But I can remember the excruciating pain, enough to send me to the hospital and getting all that substance sucked out of my system. It was horrible that I don't think after that I even had the courage to pick up a knife, even though I was still cutting myself.

But after the age of 11, I gave up my suicidal ways and tried living life for once, and I can say that from that point on, my life only got better. And I am happy to say that living life the way I want to is like a freedom of no other. Yes, I may still be judged, but I let that go, words can not hurt me anyone, because I've learned that you are not what other people think, but who you believe you are. Now at the age of 13, I can truly live life happily, with all of my amazing and supportive friends (online and in real life).

Again, thank you all for reading, and I am extremely sorry for the painfully long story, but I hope you get something out of my life for the better of yours.

Thank you,

~ @Jessay_Ourworld

I experienced teasing, name calling, and a lot of physical abuse. My parents never in anything to hurt me, and they loved me more than I could've ever asked for, and to this day, I feel very fortunate about it. But people at school were harsh and brutal. Never showing any respect or acceptance towards me, I was tortured every single day by a large group of people who would take turns punching me, kicking me, slapping me, whatever they could do to inflict pain on me. Because of all the bullying, I became suicidal and I had tried several attempts to end my life, but was never able to succeed. I almost did. I was so very close. But for the 5 years of bullying, I have learned a lot about myself and who I truly am along with who I truly want to be. As of today, no one bullies me anymore. I am free of the insults and live happily with my friends and family. I am very happy about my life, and becoming suicidal again will be the last thing that ever crosses my mind.

ADVICE: My advice to you? Don't listen to them, you are not what they call you. And always remember, that even though you may think you are nothing but a pathetic being, you are so much more than just a human. If you think no one cares, well, I care. I care more than anything in this world. I just want you to be safe and happy. Don't die because you think death will solve all of your answers, because living through the pain makes all of the memories worth it. I believe now that having to suffer through all of that truly helped me to understand who I was and what I truly wanted in life. So please remember, your life counts in every way possible, because you are the beautiful you that no one else could take the place of. So just be happy and live a fulfilling life so that you won't regret a thing when you die.