BULLIED

Submission 1015

Where to begin. I was bullied at a tender age of four. Bully #1 was a small girl classmate, who made it her purpose that I didn't have friends in school. I was one of the two colored children in the school. This was the beginning for me. Throughout my life I have experienced stages of bullying at different times in my life. I guess I'll highlight the ones I can clearly remember, that stuck with me in the long run.

4th Grade: My friend, best friend as an eight year old would claim, wanted the new girl who was popular as her new friend. I didn't come from much money, and I had to wear the same or similar clothing back to back. I mean I washed them each time I wore them, so at a young age I thought. No big deal right? I was wrong. My friend and the new girl constantly made fun of my clothing, ridiculing the fact I repeated my outfit. I was a timid girl, but I had enough of the betrayal and the hurtful words that I stood up for myself. It only led to petty kicking under the table between the both of us. Safe to say I no longer wanted to try and fit with the "in" crowd any longer.

5th Grade: Apparently being smart isn't as great as it should be. Especially if you were colored. That's what these group of colored kids kept taunting at me at the back of the school bus. They didn't understand why a girl like me would actually love to go to school and learn. I never liked confrontation and I thought I was brave enough to ignore them, since their comments were the same or similar ones I have heard through my elementary career. But one day, my silence wasn't enough for them. A brave, girl pulled out a play BB gun and shot the pellets at the back of my head as I was sitting in the bus. (It was a rule that upperclassmen sat in the back. So there was no escape.) Even though it was a toy those pellets were powerful and it hurt. I didn't say anything but a weak utter of "stop". Later that day I told my dad and he went up to the school.

7th Grade: Smart. I was beginning to detest that adjective. It was what people saw in me, and they put me in such a high light I couldn't let anyone down. I hated the pressure, and never tried to indicate I was smart or boast that I was. However my aura seemed to scream out that I was a stuck up "smart" kid. That is exactly how I was judged when I switched middle schools to be closer to home. I was the new kid, and this boy simply didn't like me right off the bat. I personally wouldn't have cared, if he hadn't made fun of me and made me feel bad about myself. I remember one day I was in the back of the class working on a coloring page of sorts for earth science, and the boy comes from the front of the room walks up to me and steps on my knee cap, that it bent at an awkward angle; the majority of the class sided with the boy, because well I was a newbie. Nothing. I did not talk to him that day to even irritate him for him to do that. Hormones, led me to me temperamental of all the bullying he dished out to me. I'll I admit that I acted to his teasing and physical bullying rather than tell someone. But this bully is one bully that learned his lesson. He called truce and apologized. I had no grudges and we ended up being civilized the next school year, even became friends.

8th Grade: I befriended a boy who was made fun of in middle school because I knew exactly how that felt. But one day he turned around and stabbed me in the back, metaphorically. My team had won a game in gym. And my team was celebrating, and I was off to the side a little and I don't know what the argument was, if they were teasing him or if he was just angry with them it could be both possibility. I didn't butt in because I didn't know what was going on, until the boy went to hit another girl. That's when I stepped in and told him to back off and relax, and he flipped and hit me. I was livid, my short fuse popped. I told him don't you dare lay a hand on me or a girl for that matter. I wasn't going to say anything. I was going to let him walk away; like I said I hate confrontation. But the girls on my team thought otherwise and reported the incident. To this day I don't hold grudges and he is doing well.

9th Grade: It was bullying, but I was craving friends in a new school, new district, new state, new city, and transitioning to high school led me to let the bullying slide. It was in a class, and there wasn't much colored people in the class. I was darker than the other colored in the class, so I was a targeted individual. I am not saying because of my color but the comments posed to be otherwise. There was a distinctive group of guys who made fun of me, by saying that my native language was the clicking sound. And that was how they talked to me, and instead of standing up I responded in that manner as well. The whole class was laughing so I just thought I'll just make it a comedic act and I'll get these friends. Not my proudest moment. They also would shout "(my name) where are you? It's so dark I can't see you" every time the lights in the class turned off, because of my dark skin complexion. Again said nothing but just reply "Oh no I'm lost!". Another things was being nicknamed "fish lips" because my lips were pretty thick looking.

Conclusion: There are other stories, but little ones. But that is the thing it's the little things that gets you. They pile up and they fester. And all these bullying notions from other people led me to be a person who made fun of herself so she would beat everyone else to it. I became a person who no longer saw her in a bright light of greatness, but rather in a light of failure. I did and am suffering from depression. It's going to take time to just like myself and not care what others say. I am a perfectionist at creating a facade. My mask goes up in the day, and at night I wallow in my tears, as my sobs lull me to sleep. Bullying is wrong, and while you think it was a little thing, you're wrong. It messes you physically, mentally and emotionally. So do think about one of the golden rules out there "Treat others the way you want to be treated."

ADVICE: Where I stand, I have realized and learned that small kind gestures goes a long way. Saying hello can brighten someone's day tremendously. I learned that everyone has had a rough patch some where in the past, and we should work together to heal from it and move forward. And don't be afraid to stand up, in a non-violent way. Let your voice be heard. And together lets raise awareness to bullying and learning more.