BULLIED

Story 284

I am not completely sure if this even counts, or if my story will even make it on your page but I felt like it would be a good thing for others to hear.

It was basically a lifetime that led up to this, but it started going downhill in 8th grade for me. In 7th grade I came to a new private school and figured I could become someone that people would like, I could start over and create this wonderful life for myself. But I realized when I went into my 8th grade year, that you can't pretend to be someone else and expect to come out well on the other end. All my many friends I had made deserted me, and I retreated into myself. I was alone and broken and I had lost myself. The depression slowly got worse throughout the months of loneliness, and I became my own bully. I would constantly tell myself things I felt I was rather deserving of. That I was worthless, and that I deserved to die. I felt like a burden to everyone, and became even more lost than I had been the previous year. I let myself go numb and embraced emptiness. The darkness was my dwelling place and it got to the point where I was used to that safe wall I had built up for myself. To the point where I stopped letting other people in, well.. I can't say they really tried very hard to do that.

Then by 9th grade I had gotten so good at pretending that I didn't realize how broken I had become, always a second away from shattering. Then I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and began to have frequent anxiety attacks that would trigger at any moment. I was always an overthinker, but now I had a constant reminder about how terribly worthless I was, my brain attacks itself, and I could never think straight. I hated myself so much, and everything about my life. I didn't believe anything others around me did, I felt like a living lie, and I kept attacking myself until I became nothing.