BULLIED

Submission 609

It all started when I was 6. I moved from Macedonia to another country where I am now. I started going to school and because I didn't know the language, they ignored me, even though macedonian and ***aren't that different. But it stopped after a year (when I learned the language). Then I got a new classmate in second grade. He was Greek and his parents apparently taught him that all Macedonian were evil, so when we had lunch break and the teacher went out of the classroom, he came uo to me with a shoe lace. I didn't know why he needed it, but I found out after 4 seconds. He tried to choke me. And all of my classmates, including some girls who were supposed to be my FRIENDS, just watched while I was gasping for air! I punched him in his stomach right when my teacher came in. The worst part? She thought it was all MY fault! She called my parents and when I got home, they beat me up, not even giving me a chance to explain. After I was covered in bruises, I could finally explain what happened and we moved into another city. But for me, it was too late. I already lost the feeling of safety when I was with my family. In September, I started going to a new school, third grade. It was great at first, but then after a half year, all of my girl friends in the class started splitting up. Their leaders? Two of my best friends, and I was always in the middle. Every day, I would be under so much stress not even adults get. And because I was only 8,they wouldn't believe me, to give me some medicine, but no. I lied awake all night, stressing over things. If I actually managed to fall asleep, I would have a nightmare and wake up. And in the morning the same thing. Thankfully, we moved because of my parents work. The new school was better, but they made fun of me because I was fat. They called me names behind my back, and girls who were supposed to be my friends, bossed me around. I found a real best friend, but in the end she betrayed me because of a guy. I lost my hope in friendship. Fifth grade was good, I lost major weight, sat beside my crush, but then it happened again. This time, even more painful. It came from my crush. We were walking in the hallway, going to another classroom. Because it was quite, I could hear him. I knew he made fun of me when I was fat, so for the whole summer I ate only one piece of bread every day. And that's how I lost weight because of him. And it really hurtme when he said I took pils to lose weight. And I fell in depression. My grades slipped, I had no will to live, what else do my homework. But I couldn't show my true emotions because when I woke up in the morning, I forgot my problems and tears I shed last night. In sixths grade, everything stopped. They were kind and my moral was boosting up. Until my mother crushed it. She didn't believe in me. And how was I supposed to get better if even my own mother mother didn't believe in me. I started thinking of suicide. Then I tried doing it, but I couldn't finish it because of my little 2 year old sister. I thought about what she would say if I died while trying to drown myself in a public pool. And I just couldn't do it. I kept living just because of her. In seventh grade (last year), I learned how to let go of the negative emotions by singing, dancing, writing, reading and watching anime. Everything was fine until now. I managed to get a B all those years, but it wasn't good enough for my mother. She had straight A's and wasn't happy with my grades. She told and still tels me I'm irresponsible, ugly (yes, ugly), immature, selfish and that I wanna kill her while she's killing me on the inside. I think I've developed a fobia cause I'm constantly having nightmares about my mom beating me up, and in most of them she ends up killing me. This is still going on and on and I don't know what to do. I cry myself to sleep and my older sister, even though we share a room, doesn't do a thing. She always blames me for everything and in all of these years, she hasn't asked me, not even once, if I'm ok. I'm actually crying while writing this, but she's too busy being on her phone, texting her boyfriend. Im seriously thinking about killing myself. I would've been dead already if I wouldn't forget all my problems when I sleep.