Night Air

Chapter 64

"Oh, she will," Ryan finally spoke up, the Devil's smile dancing across his smug face. I wanted to turn it purple and blue. Maybe even black. "Once you're gone and out of the picture, I'll have her wrapped around my finger." He sent me a small wink and I knew exactly what he meant by "have her wrapped around my finger". He didn't mean it metaphorically.

"You son of a bitch." In a blink of an eye, I charged at him and had him pinned to the wall with the collar of his shirt gathered in my fist, but he didn't care. He stood there smiling in my face, but I was livid. "You so much as lay a finger on her and I'll kill you," I harshly whispered so only he could hear.

The thought of Ryan holding her and touching her in ways only I have ever done sent me over the edge. That was the moment, as I held Ryan's thin body against the wall, that I knew I wanted her to be mine and only mine and I wanted to be the only one she would ever have. The very moment that prick said those words, I knew.

I gasped as I felt a harsh tug on the back of my shirt and I was pulled off of Ryan. "Cool it, Niall." I flattened out my shirt and sent a glare to Jacob who had pulled me off.
"Fuck you," I spat as I jabbed my finger in his direction. With a huff, I spun on my heel and started for the door. Once I got to it, I turned around and opened my mouth to say something. I wanted to tell Jacob how amazing the inside of his daughter felt, but instead, I bit my lip and stormed out.

I decided to take a walk around Paris to try and calm down before I went back to give Alyssa company again. I stopped at a café about two minutes later after I thought I looked calm enough to enter a business. I just ordered myself a hot chocolate since it was colder that day. It took a while for it to get colder this year, you know, since it was nearing the end of November. I guess it was cool, like where you would need a nice jacket, but not exactly cold. However, this afternoon, it was a low of 6 degrees Celsius (43 degrees Fahrenheit) and my light jacket wasn't cutting it. Then again, I was so fired up that I didn't even really notice at first.

As I sat there in the cute, little cafe drinking my coco, I stared out the window thinking about where my life was at. I was in a fucked up situation. I was in love with a girl that I wasn't allowed to have and I was currently lying to. I sat there and hunched my shoulders over in my seat so I was shadowing over the warm beverage in front of me. I had never felt like more of a fuck up. I did exactly the opposite of my three rules I was given.

I broke the first rule within the first month of the tour when I let her walk away with Corbin all alone. I broke the rule about keeping her safe and, for that, I will never forgive myself. I didn't care that it happened two months prior or that she was pretty much over it, I just didn't like that it even happened in the first place. I wished that I could go back and fix it so it would have never happened.

I suppose I broke the second one back during the first month, too, when I kissed her. I remembered the look her father gave me when he went over these rules and he strictly told me, "Don't try anything inappropriate with my daughter." I gave a small smile and looked down at my drink. If only he knew she let me take it all the way with her. As I thought about Alyssa and my night together the night before, I suddenly felt a frown take over my face. It suddenly hit me that I took her innocence. Mind you, yes, she wanted it and when I asked her if she was sure and she gave me a look that was the complete opposite of uncertainty, but I still felt like it was the wrong thing to do as I sat there and thought.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I made a huge mistake. I was going to be leaving Alyssa in less than a week and after that I was doomed to never see her ever again, yet I had the nerve to take her innocence from her. She shouldn't have had her first time with some fuck up like me; she should have saved herself for some rich and smart doctor or lawyer or something- someone who could actually give her the future she wants. Instead, she wanted to wasted it on some washed up, fucked up scumbag like me who sleeps with more women than he can count. How could I have done that to her? She didn't want that. Maybe she did at the time, but a week from then she would have been regretting it while cursing my name and wishing she would have never met me.

I knew I was going to end up getting both my heart and her heart broken by the end of the tour. The breaking of my heart didn't bother me as much as it did knowing that her heart was about to shatter. I could take it, and quite frankly, I deserved it. But Alyssa? She didn't deserve to fall for some failure like me. She was way too good for that and deserved more. In reality, I didn't deserve her or her love in the first place. To be quite honest, I knew she was going to hate me and chew me out once she found out I was lying to her, and I wasn't even going to be able to get mad because I would know she was right. I wouldn't want to talk to myself either if I was in her shoes and found out the person I loved did something like that to me.

I sighed and pushed my hot coco away, suddenly not feeling very thirsty or in the mood for something so delicious. I didn't feel like I deserved that, either. I sighed as I thought about the third and final rule her dad gave me. I broke that one too, and I knew I broke it right before I left. I fell in love with her. There's no denying that and Jacob was well aware of it, too. That's why he told me to keep my distance for the last week. With another heavy sigh, I brought my drink back to me thinking about what her father said. Maybe he was right. Maybe keeping my distance from her would be my best option. Was it cowardly? Completely, but maybe it wouldn't hurt her as much if she didn't get far enough to know the truth about the worst thing that could have ever happened to her, AKA me.

I sighed as I stared out the window at the cold and gloomy day which was starting to match my mood. As I sat there and thought, I started to realize that I had ruined her, and the saddest part was that she didn't even know it yet.