Walker: Secrets

Chapter 46

*Trigger warning for cancer*

Thank you for bringing the fact I forgot to include this to my attention Mkbed56 and please accept my sincerest apologies for not including this before.

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Maddie stared blankly out the window of the truck, a few stray tears trickling down her cheeks as she waited for Cordell to return. Her appointment with the neurologist and neurosurgeon had gone as well as could be expected; they had explained everything in thorough detail about what was going on with her and what they could do. She was lucky to remember half of what they had said though, her mind still unable to comprehend the fact she had cancer.

That a little gray matter the size of a golf ball inside her head was going to kill her.

That she was going to die. 

Oh, they hadn't said that. Not directly to her during the appointment but she knew. No one needed to tell her she'd been handed a death sentence. She could read between the lines. And yes, they had spoken about the statistics. Only six percent of patients survived past five years after their diagnosis, the three percent being that of ten years after diagnosis. They'd been able to explain her odds better than Cordell had been able to when he'd first broken the news to her but knowing what they were brought little comfort. 

A few people walked past going about their day, Maddie wondering if they knew just how lucky they were to be alive. She'd never thought before how much of a gift life really was until now. Now, sitting here waiting for her father to get back from heading to the chemist to get her medication she'd been prescribed, she wondered if this was how her mother felt. While her mothers breast cancer hadn't been as aggressive as what this brain tumor was, did she go through the same feelings she was experiencing now? Disbelief? Anger?

They were going to operate on her, surgery being scheduled a little over two weeks from now which was the earliest they could get her in. She didn't really have much choice in the matter. As they had explained to her, the pressure from the tumor was already affecting her greatly, having had another two seizures already since Wednesday. If they didn't remove the tumor, if it was allowed to progress unchecked, her family would be placing her in a pine box before the year was out.

Another tear slid down her cheek.

She wasn't ready to die.

She still had her whole life ahead of her.

She wanted to marry, wanted Cordell to walk her down the aisle. Wanted to have kids, watch them grow and have families of their own and now... She wiped her cheeks again on the back of her hand, absentmindedly watching a pigeon pecking at something on the ground. Even with treatment, most patients passed around twelve to eighteen months after being diagnosed. 

Even if she was lucky to have an extra year and a half she would be grateful and so, after hearing what the doctors had to say, she and Cordell made the decision together for her to receive treatment. First would be the surgery and then after that, chemo and radiation. 

She'd seen what her mother had gone through having treatments and saw firsthand how hard it had been on her. The thought of having surgery and the rest terrified her but without it, six months... She didn't have much of a choice. She swallowed the lump in her throat, resting her head back against the headrest. No. She'd made a vow to herself. To her family. To fight this. To be one of those rare cases who managed to defy the odds and survive long after the doctors had said they would die.

Time slipped by as she wrangled with her thoughts and emotions, thankful that her father wasn't there to see her break down. She was trying her hardest to keep it together for his sake. This was hard on him as it was, she didn't want to add to his grief. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel even worse. While she had a hard time keeping it together back in the appointment she knew her father had struggled even worse than her. He had those little tells of his that gave away when he was anxious, worried. Playing with his hat, stuttering over his words more than usual. She'd learnt them long ago.