Kenopsia

-''I am too used to this.''-

I was once again wheeling the pack of concrete mix through town from the big mall next to the soccer stadium in another shopping cart I took, pieces of money are still useful for that, to unlock things that need a piece in it too unlock.

So many things became useless while others became useful in day to day, like simply this cart and money, money, be it bills or coins, way basically useless when it was what made the world turn before while this cart that only one use now could be worth a lot since it let me transport a lot of resources in a shorter amount of time without hurting my back, could be an improvised shelter by flipping it over yourself tho not practical and such.

I did use a similar sized one to cart the rotten boxed mushrooms home.... Hmmm... Jasmine lived in a forest for a while no? At least she can tell me if it is indeed edible, she did survive this long eating something.

I sighed.... Now life was becoming a trap that is slowly closing in, the more time passes the less people will live and the more husks will remain, the more and bigger hoards can form, more mutated ones can wander in, the survivors that survive as long as I become more and more dangerous, the resources are dwindling more and more..... Everything is just a slowly closing in trap.

In a few years, if I am still alive, meeting any possible survivor will be dangerous not because they can die on me and that I will suffer but because after a while these meetings will never be friendly and will always end in a fight.

And even more danger comes from me never leaving this town, hunkering down here, in the town renamed Rain-point because I felt like it with the river called Blue... Instead of its little old name... It is dangerous because towns are known to have resources and just look at my home, I have food I don't need to forage for, I have protection, I have a lot...

I chased my morbid thoughts away but truly, those are the only thoughts rema--I twisted back, swinging.

Mushy nose breaking in under me knuckles as the corpse stumbled.

I sighed and kicked it down before stomping the skull flat on the ground.

"I am too used to this." I hissed as I pushed the cart on the bridge.... This is dangerous, I don't even hear a husk sneaking up on me because I am so used to hearing them groan and moan in my ears daily, I don't even give it a second thought and they can sneak up on me.

Mechanically I discarded my leather gloves on the ground as I pushed the cart more, I can always get new ones, I am not patting down my home with virus fuckers.

I glanced off the bridge at the bored girl still there, still fishing even if with my working I was sure she'd complain about this and not doing something more interesting like what I was doing but I guess she is fine.

I put the plastic boxes of mix on the pile of many others, I'll need to bring the metal fencing soon too to keep on working on this fenced off area I want.

"Hey! Grab what you caught and come up here!" I called down to her.

"Hey I thought of a new joke wanna hear it?" Jasmine asked as she joined me, three fish in one hand but leaving the equipment down there, it will be fine for now.

"I really don't want too." I said, walking to the bin by the side of the school to climb in.

"So two guys walk into a bar..... The third ducks!" I just sigh as she tells it anyway. "Hey will you teach me how to shoot? It is cool."

"Jasmine I don't know how to shoot guns because I wanted to know, it is because it was needed." I said but I knew it WAS cool to learn but I can't let her know that, I can't teach her that.

I felt like the world froze as I stared at her face and suddenly felt like I wanted to cry.

I would have bitten through my own tongue if I had the strength as I wanted to crumble.

All the responsibility of her knowing of the old world, all the knowledge she'll need to learn, all that she needs to acquire as skill.... All that responsibility rests upon my shoulders only.

I am to teach her what to do in this world.

I am to teach her what I know to survive.

I alone can be blamed if she were to die.

I am her guardian now...

This child is now my responsibility...

"I am too used to this." I whispered to myself, I am too used to this world, any adult that lived before the Great Silence would be a better role model then I can be, anyone that lived a longer life outside of this mess would be better....

But only I remain....

"This is unfair." I said to myself.

"Hey! You coming?!" She yelled and I noticed I was staring art the ground and she was already on the bin, waiting for me to help her climb over.

"This is so unfair." I said again, walking after her.

"What was that? You got distracted." She said when I got closer.

"It was nothing." I said, grabbing her waist and lifting her  so she could easily pull herself on the wall flat on her stomach. "Nothing at all..."