WangXian Forever 6

Chapter 26 Preparations

JinLinTai.

Just that name alone brought shivers to Wei Ying’s heart.

It was supposed to be a happy occasion, another wedding...but this place...those stairs...

Maybe it was the time of year, always difficult. The onslaught of autumn and its myriad colours, the changing of seasons from bright and vivid green of summer and now, to the deathly browns and greys of time past and endings.

They had left Cloud Recesses and Lan Zhan had made the time to talk to him, to reassure that everything would be okay.

"It is just a place." He had said, in that deep, comforting voice of his, and Wei Ying desperately wanted to believe him.

"I will be there. With you. With Wei Ying."

He tried to remember that, even as he closed his eyes, the memories swarming over him like starving locusts, eager to eat away at his sanity.

He had waited, hoping to catch a glimpse of his beloved Shijie, after the horrific death of the peacock, and then realising that perhaps out of all the things he deserved, that might not be a possibility. He had run away after that...only to end up on a field full of people who had once respected him, but now hated every fibre of his being, wanting to erase him to dust and ashes. The next memory, a more recent affair, the moment his real identity was discovered, and he had pushed Lan Zhan away...the hurt in his eyes...

"WEI YING!" The powerful whisper had the effect of a shout, and he shook himself awake.

Wei Ying looked around and found them in their assigned rooms, Lan Zhan wiping his face, a deeply concerned look on his face.

"Er...Lan Zhan..." he swallowed thickly. "How did we get here?"

"You had another panic attack. Unresponsive." Lan Zhan made him sit down on the bed and poured some water for him. "Drink."

When he was done, Lan Zhan sat down next to him, but Wei Ying needed more. He shifted to sit on his lap, holding him close.

"Talk to me."

"I don't know what happened. I remember flying with you...but then it was night time, and...and...Shijie..." he couldn’t go on. He choked back a sob.

Lan Zhan held him tighter, rubbing his back.

"Do you...do you think it'll ever go away?" He whispered, later.

"Not until you forgive yourself."

The words were solid, hanging in the silence.

"I don't know how to." It was a muffled whisper, and now he just felt ever so tired.

Lan Zhan hurt for him.

Someone so selfless, so giving, ready to risk his own life for the sake of others, was at a loss in mending his own broken heart, to free himself from the self-imposed shackles of guilt and blame. They were going to stay for two long nights, and a day, and right now, Lan Zhan wanted him to rest.

A butterfly floated towards him; a message from XiChen asking about Wei Ying. They had all seen his descent into painful memories, and Jiang Cheng would have left Xichen’s side immediately, if Lan Zhan had not subtly shaken his head.

It was such a public place, and it would not do to cause a scene, especially when Lan Zhan had it under control. He had removed himself and Wei Ying as soon as they got there, retiring to their rooms so he could tackle whatever his husband was going through.

Wei Ying was already falling asleep, so Lan Zhan sent back a butterfly notifying his brother that they would not be attending the banquet of this evening, and would meet everyone tomorrow morning instead.

XiChen sent food anyway, and Lan Zhan accepted it, hoping  Wei Ying would be hungry when he awoke.

Then he blew out all the candles and lay down next to Wei Ying, who snuggled closer even in his sleep.

*******

The next day dawned later as winter approached, but Wei Ying rose from his bed in happier spirits, seemingly having forgotten the previous day's troubles.

Lan Zhan knew better, and yet he allowed Wei Ying to act normal. If Wei Ying wanted to avoid talking about his issues, Lan Zhan could let it go for now.

The wedding would start at midday and they still had time, so after breakfast, they strolled around the buildings. Li XiWang had made friends here and she and they were busy making blue and yellow paper chains for decorating the Great Hall. 

She waved enthusiastically at them when they walked past, and Wei Ying was happy she was enjoying herself.

Yellow and blue streamers decorated the spaces in between the buildings, the yellow colour standing out against the blue sky. Inside the Great Hall, red silk rippled from the ceiling, adorning the room. A red carpet was laid down along the aisle in between tables on either side, also decorated with red plates and bowls. Jin Ling was making himself busy by checking the details, arranging napkins and correcting the flower decorations.

Wei Ying knew immediately that he was nervous.

He pulled Lan Zhan towards him, enveloping Jin Ling in a bear hug when they reached him.

"How are you feeling, my dear boy?"

"I'm not sure. Uncle Wei, why am I more on edge here than at your place?" He admitted, rubbing the space between his brows.

"That's easy. That was SiZhui's place, and of course it matters. But here, here is where your parents lived, for however short a time. Here is where you were born, and you were loved by them for only a month or so. It is natural for children to want their parents to know that they have chosen well, that they are happy now. Do you understand?" Wei Ying hugged him again, and felt him shaking.

"Yes...I understand. And I want you to know...I will look after him. With my whole heart."

"I know you will. It doesn't matter how old you both get, you will always be my children. You should enjoy today, Jin RuLan, Jin Ling. My sister and the pea- your father would be proud of you."

Jin Ling nodded.

"I have a surprise waiting for SiZhui."

"Really? That's good. He will like anything you give him." Wei Ying patted his back. "We'll go and check on him. See if he's ready."

They sauntered out, hand in hand.

SiZhui by contrast, was feeling super calm. He poured tea for both his fathers and sat with them, chatting about ordinary things.

"Not feeling nervous?" Wei Ying asked him, a while later.

"No, father. Should I be?" He smiled sweetly.

"Not at all. I suppose weddings affect people differently. I was a mess at both of mine." Wei Ying grinned at him.

"I...I...guess this is all I ever wanted...and now that it's happening, I just feel relieved."

"If there was anyone who deserved to be happy, it's you, my boy." Wei Ying kissed his forehead.

SiZhui looked at both of his parents and smiled, hoping they were right.