BTT x Reader | BloodXLust

Chapter One Hundred & Three | LoveXHate

My eyes widened in surprise at his absurd question.

"What!? No!" I practically shouted but he didn't even flinch. He continued staring me down.

"Vhy not?"

"Because the truth about your past doesn't change who you are now. Will you talk with me about this? About you and Eliza-"

He held his hand up to silence me and I huffed.

"How much did vhey tell you?"

"Enough for me to understand why you hide from reality."

"I'm not hiding from reality."

"Your running from a past you can't change by thinking of it as the present or future and burying yourself in childhood happiness and nostalgia to avoid confronting it."

He glared and advanced quickly.

He slammed my shoulder into the headboard and leaned over me.

"I'm not hiding from shit." He snapped and I glared at him.

His red eyes were more fiery than usual.

"Then stop running to Eliza. Run to me. Run to Francis and Antonio. You won't accept us as your family because you met us during or after the incident."

"Incident." He clicked his tongue.

"Incident...you mean vhen I vost control. Vost my humanity. Murdered hundreds. Raped hundreds. I'm a fucking monster, ___! Get it through your head! The only reason Francis and Antonio are even here is to vatch me. You're only here because vhey make you feel better," he raged and left the room.

The bathroom door creaked open silently ad Antonio and Francis peaked their head out and looked st the slammed door and to me.

I was shaking.

Why can't he just accept the truth?

Why does he have to get so angry?

Francis and Antonio love him and I care about him and he won't accept it because he thinks he isn't worthy of it.

"Zhis is why we don't talk about it..." Francis said slowly and stepped swiftly to my side in his fuzzy bathrobe.

He patted my head and I stopped myself from crying.

"Here's what I'm gonna do..." I said slowly and they both looked at me in concern.

"I'm gonna take a shower...I'm gonna get dressed...and then I'm gonna ducking beat that bastard's ass."

"He might enjoy that," Antonio warmed and I threw a pillow in his face and ran across the hall to my room. To my bathroom. To the shower to wash away tonight's mistake, the same one I kept making.

I'd have to face reality just like Gilbert wasn't.

How can I possibly change the mind of a centuries-old vampire trapped in a human state of mind denying he was possessed, blaming himself, hating himself and thinking no one could possibly love him and at the same time ignores the fact the event ever happened, trying to run to nostalgic things to escape growing up, to escape the present.

He has to let go of the past to move forward but he hasn't moved forward since he saw Vlad. The fact he'd abandon dreams of knighthood solely for revenge against a single man is only a warning his stubbornness will be his downfall again and again.

I wanted a fast forward button on life.

I want to skip ahead to when we're all friends again and Gilbert was able to move on with life and leave Eliza behind him, leave the pain behind him and focus on Francis and Antonio who've always been there for him...and me. I want him to focus on me again.

Dammit, Gilbert.

Why her. It's just nostalgia, why can't you see that!? Run to me! Run to my arms! I'll comfort you, I'll cry with you, I'll always be there for you from now on. One day I'll be immortal so whether you like it or not you're stuck with me because I'm not leaving you behind, I won't let you drown.

I don't want you to ever have to drown in the sea of blood, even if I must take your place. So why...why can't you just listen to us. Why can't you be with me?

Gilbert, you need to forgive yourself.

I realize I'm being dramatic but this situation is agonizing.

Then suddenly I had an oh-shit realization.

I'm in love with Gilbert.