BTT x Reader | BloodXLust

Chapter Ninety Four | GilbertXRealization

Balls are stupid.

Everyone dressed up and gossips.

Gossiping is a sin but that doesn't mean it's not intestine to overhear.

I've been staying in Roderick's mansion for a week now and I haven't enjoyed it at all. I'm kept awake at night by familiar nightmares and struggle to fall back asleep because images of Eliza...very...very unholy images, seem to constantly flood my mind.

Admittedly Eliza must be the first person I've felt an ounce of interest in and the fact she's with Roderick is disheartening.

She is my best friend still and as best friends I held on to hope she wouldn't mind messing around.

No. I couldn't think like this.

Think godly wholesome thought.

Ready? Go.

I see Eliza beneath me, her lip quivering.
Fuck. No.

Bad Gilbert.

Now I'm stuck dressing up for a fancy ball and all I can think about is what Eliza will look like. Zsigmund and Conrad were allowed to return home since I'd be here a while and the former priest of the knights filled in for me.

I didn't feel worthy of being a priest right now.

Right now I felt like a pervert that wanted to take advantage of his childhood friend and that was a very guilt-inducing feeling.

I groaned and looked myself over in the mirror.

Stupid fancy outfit.

Why would any guy with self-respect wear lace and silk? What the hell.

I fell onto my bed and stared at the ceiling hoping time would pass by.

I knelt before my nightstand which held my cross and asked for forgiveness for my thoughts of Eliza but it seemed the harder o tried to push them away the more they came in and suddenly I was being perverted whilst speaking with the lord and that made it worse so I wrapped up quickly and banged my head lightly on the wall.

Gilbert stop it.

Stop thinking about her.

You found out she was a girl just a week ago.

The temptations to see Eliza in a different light were overwhelming.

She's too rebellious and self-respecting to fool around.

It's foolish to pine over the impossible. I'm not even allowed to marry, I have to remain chaste which is a fucking nightmare.

I may not have any romantic interest in women but fuck it I'm still a guy.

My awesome self didn't look so awesome right now so I tried straightening the stupid bow tie when I heard a knock on the door.

"You may enter," I said lazily.

"Someone sounds upset?" Eliza laughed as she stepped into the room.

Oh shit, she's hot.

I tried thinking wholesome thoughts to avoid any embarrassment and grinned. I probably looked like an idiot.

"You're such a goof, you idiot. How did you ever become a priest?" She teased and I laughed nervously looking away from her because the temptation was far too strong.

"I vonder vhat every day..." I admitted and she laughed, covering her mouth to be proper.

"You don't have to act vike vhat around me," I urged and she looked confused.