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Chapter Ninety Five | ElizabettaXBall

Roderick and I danced around the ballroom.

I paid no mind to the jealous glares, I focused all my attention on Roderick who stared lovingly into my eyes and it warmed my heart.

Who knew I could fall so deeply in love with a man.

Certainly not me.

I had practiced this dance endlessly.

I barely got to speak to Gilbert because I was put through the wringer when it came to lessons the noblewomen were meant to learn. Like dancing. Fucking silverware. Using a fan. Twirling a parasol. How to make your man look better based on how and where you stand.

Gretchen tagged along so it wasn't completely awful.

Having been an excellent swordsman the swift steps and balance weren't a problem and I seemed to impress my future mother in law which I guess is a good thing.

She wondered if I'd danced like this before.

Nope. But I wasn't about to tell her I played with swords as a child.

Focusing back on the present my cheeks were flushed as I danced around the room with Roderick.

The hosts always had the first dance that others were expected to watch.

I caught a glimpse of Gilbert in the crowd and he looked...

Sad.

Why?

Suddenly worry filled my stomach and I lost my focus, I nearly took too big a misstep. That would've been humiliating. These stupid gossipers would've never let me forget it.

The dance ended and I was relieved. I smiled and curtsied and departed the dance floor.

Roderick wasn't much a dancer, he preferred to take charge of the music but I was free to socialize and dance with whom I pleased.

I wonder if he was really as calm and sincere as he appeared when it came to accepting me as a woman.

At least he's not the type to fall in love.

Gilbert took quite a few refreshments that it began to concern me and I stepped away from the group of women I'd been speaking with to check on him.

"Gilbert, calm down vith vhat vine," I insisted in a hushed voice.

He glared.

"Vhy should I? Nothing better to do." He complained.

"You didn't have to come."

"I vanted too," he slurred.

"Vhy?"

He paused and looked at me, suddenly serious, but still unaware of what he was saying, "to see you."

I turned red and realized maybe Gilbert was secretly more than okay with me being a woman.

Could Gilbert like me too?

Would that complicate things with Roderick?

How do I feel about Gilbert?

I can't turn my back on Roderick. But Gilbert...he's my best friend and I always feel so safe with him.

I pushed away the thoughts.

I can't betray Roderick. Not after all he's done with me. Not after the songs, he wrote to me, the privileges no other betrothed would give their wife. Not after he revealed he'd always accepted me, even as a child.

I forced Gilbert to sit down in the hallway by the large pillars and drink a bunch of water.

I waited with him and helped him to the powder-room.