Just Breathe (Marina)

Chapter 51

Vivianas POV

"I made a mistake.... Breaking up with you, I acted too soon" she says and I don't respond

"I know you're mad at me but I want to try again" she says and keep stroking my hair

I didn't know how to respond, I wanted Emma to be my girlfriend, but I don't think I can just sit back and do nothing while I know she is getting hurt every time she goes home

"Emma... I-I want nothing more than to be your girlfriend again" I say

"But?" She ask and I sigh

"But, I can't... I can't be with you while I know you're not doing anything to keep yourself safe" I say and she pulls away from me

"So you're saying you won't date me if I don't report my dad?" She ask

"No.. yes, I don't know. No. I'm not saying that. While yes I want you to report him. But I understand if you don't however. I know he hurts you and like the bruise on your stomach... if you get hurt like that again you need to go to the hospital" I say and she sighs

"That's asking a lot" she says

"No it's not. I would much much rather you report him" I say

"Okay. Just listen to me. Say I report him. Okay? Then what happens next? Police come and arrest him and I get put into the system" she says and I don't respond

"I might get a safe place Yea, but I also might get put into a worse situation" she says and I nod

"Emma if i see you with another bruise like the one on your stomach I will tell my moms again," I tell her

"Fine, if it happens again then you can tell your moms" she says and I smile

"Come here" she says and I shake my head

"Ahora princesa" she says and I blush slightly at the nickname that I had missed so much

This time I gave in and moves so I was sitting closer to her and laid my head on her chest, keeping my wrist on top of her so that I wouldn't hit it anywhere

we laid in silence for half an hour until my mom came into my room

"Emma are you staying for dinner?" Mom ask her and we sit up

"No... I actually need to go home, I wasn't supposed to leave" she mumbles and gets up and I get up with her And mom leaves us alone

"I love you okay?" She says and kisses my head, our height differences making it easy for her to do so

"I know, I love you too. Call me before you fall asleep" I tell her and she nods and we walk out to the living room where both of my moms told her goodbye

"So?" Mom ask and I shrug

"I don't know, I told her I couldn't be with her if she wouldn't get help" I say

"Bambina I know you are worried but that isn't your place" mama says and I look at her confused and I chose to ignore her remark

"So, she agreed that if it came to it she gave me permission to tell you guys again for more to be done" I say and mom motions me over and I sit next to her on the couch and she wraps her arms around me

"I love how you care for her but you need to take care of yourself too" mom says and I nod

"I know, and I will. I promise" I say and she nods

"Good," she says and I smile

Mama finished dinner quickly and we all ate together before I left to go get showered and I got into bed

My moms came in again. To say goodnight and mama sat down on my bed looking at my stitches, they get to come out the day after tomorrow

"Does it hurt?" Mama ask and I nod

"Yea sometimes" I say and she nods and wraps it up again

"If you need something for the pain just let me know" mama says and I nod

"Okay, goodnight bambina," mama says and mom and her both kiss my head before walking out

I was able to fall asleep for about an hour until I woke up and just stared at the ceiling

My room was dark, just as I liked it but the quietness was bothering me

It was too quiet and my thoughts were too loud

I got out of bed and shut my door so I could cut my light on without waking my moms

It's too much, being here is too much

My moms have to watch over me all the time

I hate that I worry them so bad, I wish it would all go back to the way it used to be but it can't

I ruined it, I ruined everything

God why did they have to take my release away

I don't know what to do, my mind is racing and what helps is to cut,  but I have nothing, not even a knife from the kitchen

Moms locked them up too

You know how embarrassing that is? It's terrible

I started to scratch at my arms to keep myself from crying, it was just too much

I remembered what Dr.Turner said and walked to my moms room

Should I really be waking them up right now?

No I shouldn't be, I need to leave them alone

I already make them worry all time it's not right for me to take their sleep as well

"Sunshine?" I heard mom ask and I stopped

Dammit!

I did it again, I messed up

"What's going on?" She ask softly and gets out of bed, careful not to wake mama

"I um-" I sigh and she takes my hands after noticing I was scratching at my hand still

"Are you having urges?" She ask and I take a deep breath before nodding

I have never admit that before

"Okay... come with me." She says and takes me to my room and we both sit on the bed and she continues to. Hold my hands

I felt ridiculous right now, sitting here across from her while she knows the only thing I want right now is to take a blade against my skin

"I am so proud of you for coming to wake us," mom says

"You're not mad?" I ask nervously, I thought they would be mad that I woke them up

"No sunshine, I could never be mad at you for this. I'm so so happy you're not dealing with this on your own" mom says and I nod

"Come here bubs" she says and lays down on my bed and opens her arms

Unlike the times before I waisted no time in laying on her chest

She put one of her hands on my head and the other played with the ends of my hair

I listened to the sound of her heart beat as I calmed myself down

"You okay?" She asked and I shake my head

"No" I answer honestly

"But I will be, I'm working on it. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed and it has been easier for me to just cut then to think about what's bothering me" I tell her

I want to get better, so I know the only way of doing that is to talk to my moms

"I'm here baby girl, me and mama are here" she says and I nod against her chest

I could feel my self starting to fall asleep, i felt so at peace here with my mom that I wasn't even thinking of harming myself anymore

"Go to sleep sweet girl, I'll be here when you wake up"

Till next time❤️

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