Just Breathe (Marina)

Chapter 7

Vivianas POV

Today's Monday, just great. I absolutely hate Monday's

And to add to all of that my stupid period just had to come to today!

And of course today is a gym day,

Mom and mama are both working today so I'm not even going to school

Mom can yell later, I'm a good kid. I do all of my work so it's fine for one day

Hopefully anyway

I just got back in bed after my own body betrayed me

Viviana: mama

Viviana: mama can I stay home from school?

Carina: why?

Viviana; because I don't feel good, my stomach hurts

Carina; that's fine bambina, I'll call the school in a little just get some rest, I love you

Viviana: thanks mama, love you too

I put my phone back down and tried to get comfortable In bed again

"Ugh!" I groan, the cramps not subsiding

I don't even want kids! Why is there even a need for a period

I took some medicine and laid back in bed and soon enough the medicine kicked in and I was able to fall asleep again

—

I woke up around 12, feeling better for sure but not where I wanted to get out of bed so I just turned on Netflix, mainly for background noise while I scrolled on my phone

I must have stayed in bed all day because I didn't even. Notice when my bedroom door opened

It's not my fault I was reading some really good stories on my phone....

"How you feeling?" Mama ask me

"I feel better, still have cramps though" I say, unfortunately for me my periods are always super bad, mom has it lucky I guess with all the exercising she does

"What if we try some birth control?" She ask

"Why?" I ask

"Because it can help regulate your periods and can even decrease your symptoms" she says and I nod

"Good with me" I say and she nods and kisses my head before walking out of my room

Another thing I absolutely hate about my periods is how emotional I get, it's like everything I have been thinking comes all at once

All the thoughts that My parents would be better off without me,  I mean, they wouldn't have to worry about me anymore, they would be fine,

And just like that I'm crying for no reason, I hate this! Even if it's not that time of the month I still have times where I feel like this

Like it's just a bad day for absolutely no reason

I was doing so good, I was having good days and today just- ruined it

I want nothing more to just take the blade across my thighs

And I don't know why, it just like I feel if I do that, I'll feel better

Maybe I will

But , lately, the feeling to cut comes more often

And not just my legs,

I walked to the bathroom and sat down with my scalpel in my hand

Rubbing the backside over my wrist, wondering just how much pressure it would take, just how bad it would hurt, not that, that really matters