Vivianas POV
Emma and I are going to see her mom today, or where she is buried,
Mom found out where she was buried and her and Andy are going to take me and Emma
I didn't want to go at first because I felt like this was something for Emma to do alone but she literally begged me to come and I didn't have it in me to say no
"Okay... we'll be here waiting for you when you're done" mom assures Emma and she nods
Emma immediately took my hand and we followed the directions we were giving into the cemetery
"Are you sure you want me with you?" I ask Emma and she nods
"Yes, my mom would have loved you" she says and I smile
We eventually stopped and stood in front of a headstone
Isabella Ortiz, beloved wife, daughter and mother,
"I remember going to her funeral," Emma says
"I remember it not being many people, me and my dad and a few that I didn't know, I never had grandparents or aunts and uncles" she tells me and I nod, not wanting to interrupt her
"She always made me smile, I don't have a bad memory with her" she smiles
"I really wish she would have. Met you" she says, turning to me
"Thank you for being here" she yells me and I kiss her cheek
"Of course, anything for you" I smile
She didn't say anything for a few moments
"Can... can um I have a moment?" She ask me and I nod
I kissed her head and stepped away, I didn't want to go back to my mom yet incase she wanted me again but I wanted to give her space
I waited for almost 10 minutes before Emma came over to me and hugged me tightly
"Thank you" she whispers
We walked back over to Andy and mom who were leaning against the car
Emma let go of my hand and walked to Tia, wrapping her arms around Tia
Andy looked at mom and I confused but we shrugged
The four of us eventually got into the car and drove home, mom and Andy both got off today to support Emma
We got to the apartment and Andy and Emma came up with us
Tia already had her car here anyway
"Andy and I are going to make lunch, you two go relax" mom says and we go to my room
Emma changed into shorts and we laid in bed
She put one of her legs over me and I rubbed my hand over her thigh and she froze
"Emma" I sighed, feeling the new cuts on her leg, they weren't scabbed yet, just raised
"I'm sorry" she says
"Why bambina? You were doing so good" I say and continue to rub her thigh, just away from her cuts because I know how sore they can be afterwards
"It's my mom.... And what Kate said" she sighs
"Remember when I told you I don't get sad about my mom anymore? That it doesn't make any sense seeing as it won't bring her back?" She ask and I nod
"Well.... For some reason, I can't help but be sad, and I know it doesn't make sense but I feel like I'm betraying her for moving in with Andy, and I cut.
Because if I cut then I think of that and not my mom... and I'm hurting myself to make up for it" Emma explains to me
"I think your mom would be happy that Andy is there, and I think she would be happy she didn't have to worry about your safety, and your happiness" I explain and Emma smiles and kisses my neck
"Yea you're right" she smiles and kisses my neck again
"Aren't I always?" I ask and she rolls on top of me while laughing
"You always know how to make me smile" she says and I sit up and kiss her lips
"Girls! Lunch is ready" mom yells and we start laughing
"And she always has bad timing" i mention and she nods and we walk out to Andy and mom
After lunch Tia and Emma left, leaving me alone with mom
"Can I talk to you?" I ask her and she nods, and leads me to the living room
"Emma cut again" I blurt out
"And you're having urges?" She ask softly and I nod
"I'm sorry, I try not to but all I want to do right now is cut, so I need your help to make me stop" I say and start to scratch at my hands and she nods and scoots towards me and grabs my hands
I hate this, I want to be supportive of Emma but every time she cuts it makes me want to as well but again. I never want to make her feel bad about it
"Hey... sweet girl, don't be sorry. It's okay. Let's talk about it," she says and continues to hold my hands
"I- I have no reason this time, it's weird. Like her old cuts never bothered me. None at all. But seeing the new ones do, sometimes I miss the feeling of it. I miss the way I could run my fingers over the raised skin or the scabs.... All I have are scars now. It's just not the same" I sigh, refusing to look at my mom because I didn't want to see her disappointed in me
"Please? Just let me do it once and I'll stop. I just need that. Please mommy let me" I say, tears welling up in my eyes and I tried to pull my hands away. It she held them tighter and pulled me into her
"I can't do that sweetheart, I can't let you hurt yourself. I know you want to feel something, and I get it." She says and I lean my head against her chest, letting the tears fall freely
I am so embarrassed that I have even admitted any of that to her
That wasn't the plan, I just wanted her to help me stop the urges
I felt her put her hand on the back of my head and held me against her chest
"How are you feeling?" Mom ask 5 minutes later after I had calmed down
I still didn't move off of her, but I did feel better
"I feel better...... thank you" I sigh
"You don't thank me for this, you're my daughter. I'll always help you in anyway" she says and I smile
She laid back on the couch and pulled me with her again, making me laugh a little but I laid my head back on her chest
"I'm worried that with Emma you're going to stop looking after yourself" mom admits and i sigh
"I won't, she needs me right now, and.... I came to you!" I protest
"I know. And I know how hard that is for you. I am so so proud of all your progress" she says and I nod against her
"And... I love that you are there for Emma. But she is safe now. She will hopefully be comfortable with Andy soon. She's okay." Mom tells me
"I just.... I want you to make yourself a priority. It's okay that you have urges, it's part of recovery and I'm glad you know what triggers you." She tells me and I sigh
I agreed with her but didn't know what to say yet
"I will.... I promise, I'll take care of myself more too"
Till next time❤️
Guys..... I think this story has to end soon; if you have any ideas or anything you want to see or be represented let me know❣️
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Just Breathe (Marina)
FanfictionMaya and carinas daughter Viviana, suffers from both depression and anxiety, her parents just don't know to what extent until eventually It all becomes too much and Viviana reaches out to her moms This story will be mostly told from Vivianas perspe...
