Just Breathe (Marina)

Chapter 19

Vivianas POV

I hung out with Emma a few days ago and now I'm back at School again tomorrow and im so tired, Shawn is back and annoying as usual I just wish I was hanging out with Emma again , I also had a therapy appointment yesterday

I hate it at therapy . I'm done, I been telling her I'm fine and she can't do her job if I don't open up so I won't need her anymore

My moms still don't listen, they never listen to me

They don't understand school makes me wanna die even more than I do, they don't understand anything

What's the big point of me being online? I don't get it

I think I'm going back into a dark place... Emma was fun, my only friend, but I just keep wondering why she would want to be friend with me and I can't find a reason

I cut twice since she left, and I think my mom knows, she doesn't want to leave me alone anymore, she wanted me to come to the station when I don't have school and afterwards but I declined

When they first found out I cut they made me hand over what I use.... I gave them my razor. Did I actually use that? No, of course not

But I couldn't give them my only line to a world where I'm okay

It's not fair

I don't want to do this anymore

I laid in bed, dreading going to school tomorrow,

We already ate dinner and moms went to bed

I'm exhausted, so tired but I can't fall asleep, why can't I just be normal for once and go to sleep, I'm so tired

—-

"Viv! We got to go kid" mom says and I sigh

Time for school

"If you need me call me" mom says and I nod and just stay silent

"I love you." She says once we get to the school

"I love you too" I tell her, even if I'm mad, I'll never not say it, anything can happen and they can disappear in an instant

I got to my first class and Shawn wasn't there yet

I took out my book and read until he came in And hit me in the shoulder

Ignore him, just ignore it

"Hello?" He flicked me and sit next to me, why does he have to sit next to me! I didn't even think of that!

"What?" I ask him

"We're your moms mad?" He smirks

"No" I tell him

"Yea right" he smirks

"Honestly I don't get it. Two girls should not be able to have a kid. You don't even shower, your hair is greasy. Shows they aren't taking care of you" he laughs and I ignore him once again, I mean yea my hair is a mess but it always is, I truly don't care what it looks like but that has nothing to do with my moms

"Look now you won't talk to me?" He ask

"Shut up! What else do you want from me?" I ask him

"That's all" he says and I grab my things and walk out of the room and downstairs out of the school

Did I know where I was going? No

Did I know was I going to be. I'm trouble when my moms found out? Yes

But I couldn't sit in there and listen to him all day

I walked, and walked and walked

Before I knew it, I was at Jos house, mamas friend