Just Breathe (Marina)

Chapter 82

Vivianas POV

I told Emma I would come to the station today so I got up the first time mom asked, all I did was put on a sweatshirt and leggings, I didn't even bother with a shirt

I slipped on some crocs and went out to my mom

"Eat something quick" she says and I shake my head

"I don't eat breakfast, I'm already nauseas" I tell her

I have been nauseas every morning for a long time, if I didn't know any better I would think I was pregnant

But I have never had sex with anyone but Emma and one guys are nasty and two, it's been so long since we have done anything too

Sometimes I wish I was pregnant though, just so I don't get my period. But I don't even think I want kids

So again, hard pass

Mom just nodded to me and grabbed her things

"Let's go then" she says and I sigh. She was still mad at me for the previous days

The vein in forehead was popping out and she gripped her bag so tightly that her knuckles were turning white

I followed her to the car in silence, which is exactly how the entire car ride went too but I was honestly too tired to even care

I just leaned my head against the window as she drove, I already just want to go home and get back into bed

When we got to the station mom parked the car but made no effort to get out so I did the same

"You are still grounded so you are not to see Emma. You can sit in my office until either I go home or mama can get you" she says and I nod and she cuts the car off and we walk into the station

No once else was around at the time and I sighed and just continued to follow my mom to her office,

She sat down in the black chair and organized some paper on the desk, it was already for the most part neat and tidy

I walked back to her bunk and laid down, staring at the ceiling, I don't know why I agreed to come today. I mean I knew I wasn't going to be able to see Emma. But I didn't realize or process I would have to sit here doing nothing all day

I tried to fall asleep and take a nap but I couldn't, I was too tired

Have you ever been so exhausted that you literally just can't sleep? Well that's me right now

I tried everything, slow breathing, just closing my eyes, different positions and nothing was working

I don't know how long I tried, all I know is when I looked up my mom was standing in the door way

"What?" I ask her

"I need to go, I'll be back in two hours tops, stay here" she says and I nod

"Please for the love of god be good, I love you" she says and I roll my eyes

"Love you too" I say and as soon as she left I went to her office area and watched as her and Andy left down the steps

I figured this would be my time so I left my moms office and quickly made my way to Andy's

I know I said I wanted to end things with Emma, but really that is just me wanting better for her. I don't think I could actually I live without her by my side

I walked into the office and to the bunk room where Emma was sitting there on her phone, she must have heard me come in because she smiled up at me as soon as she seen me

"Hi!" She says happily and gets up to hug me and places a soft kiss on my lips, I smiled against her lips and we sat down on the bed and she Laid her head on my shoulder and put her hand on my leg which I quickly covered with my own

"I'm not supposed to be here" I mumble and she nods

"I figured, but thank you" she says

"How about you? Was Andy too mad?" I ask

"No, she said I would be grounded next time I left without her permission" Emma shrugs, I don't think Emma has ever been grounded, guaranteed her dad would just beat the crap out of her and all

"I'm worried about you" she tells me and sits up straighter and moves to lay down in the bed opening her arms to me,

I was worried about where this conversation was going but laid down with Emma and put my head on her chest and she gently played with my hair

"You don't have to be, I'm fine" I say

"Do you know how many times I heard that? Or that I have said it myself?" She asked me and I frown

"Are you okay?" I ask her and she nods

"I am, I'm doing good." She says and I nod

"Good" I say and kiss her neck from my spot on her chest

" but I don't think you are" she says and I freeze, I know she noticed but kept playing with my hair and drawing tiny patterns on my back under the sweatshirt

"I am bambina" I assure her and she shakes her head

"Show me your legs" she says and I sigh

"Emma seriously? Why are we still on that?" I ask

"Because you being so reluctant to show me, tells me what I already know" she remarks and I don't respond

Emma knows me better than my parents, I don't blame them though, they have better things to do

"And so what if I am?"I ask

"Then you need to tell me, and I will help you as much as I can, and if I feel that I can't. We will tell your moms and they can" she explains and I pull away from her

"Oh yea because locking me if the fucking hospital worked so well" I scoff

"You don't know what it's like to be in there. Being in there made me want to kill myself even more. Only thing places like that do are make sure you don't hurt yourself at the time and shove a bunch of pills down your throat! They don't help." I yell slightly and stand up

"They left me in there Emma, without a second thought and they will do it again. And again, they don't actually care about what happens in there because at least I'm away from them and they can pretend we're some happy family where their teenager didn't just want to die" I say, my voice breaking at the end

I never admitted I resented my moms for that, I never told anyone.

I know why they did it but they didn't understand what I was going through and they made it worse

"You think I have this amazing life with my moms, because they accept me, they care for me and what not but... you don't know how much pressure I am under to succeed, how much I have to hide what I'm actually feeling. How I disappoint them all the time or I get forced to be by them all the time because they simply don't fucking trust me. You have no idea how that feels" I snap and she goes to respond but I cut her off again

"I'm cutting again, is that what you wanted to hear? That I feel trapped into my body, like I can't even express myself anymore." I cry and Emma doesn't say anything but stands up with me and wraps her arms around me and I do the same

I just yelled again And yet she is comforting me

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry"

Till next time ❤️

This story is ending soon, let me know if you want anything shown, comment or private message me ❣️