Just Breathe (Marina)

Chapter 2

Vivianas POV

It's Thursday and Jade is gone once again, seriously? This time just because her mom needs someone to watch her brother, even if her sister is staying home too

At least she texted me so I can arrange something

It's 7 now and I'm up and ready but we don't leave until 7:45 on days someone takes me to school

I leave at 7:30 if I am walking but mom is taking me today

"Bambina I have to go, your lunch is on the counter" mama tells me and kisses my head

"Got it, thanks mama" I tell her and she rushed out the door and mom shows up a few minutes later after getting off a 48 hour shift

"Hey kid, you almost ready?" She ask me and I nod

I had already emailed one of my teachers about staying with her during my lunch and she said it was okay

She is my absolute favorite, it's going to suck not having her next year

Mom drove me to school and dropped me off

"I love you" she says and I smile

"I love you too, see you later" I say and get out of the car and head to my first block class

First block sucked, second blocked sucked even more

Second block is Spanish, and I'm really bad at it, I tend to mix my Italian up with it all the time but of course, my stupid school doesn't even offer Italian

Once Spanish was finally over we all headed to advisory, which is just a classroom you sit in and do nothing, kind of like study hall

Once that was over it was lunch time and I went downstairs to my favorite teachers room and I sit down in my usual chair

"So what made you want to spend your lunch with a teacher?" She smiles

"Not just a teacher, my favorite teacher" I say

"And because I have no friends and didn't want to sit alone" I smile

"What about Devon?" She ask

Devon was the boy who sat next to me in her class, he was pretty cool but we only talked in this class

"We don't eat lunch together" I chuckle and seen a message from my mom

Maya: you forgot your lunch, want me to bring it to you?

Viviana: no, I just bought school lunch instead

Maya: okay, I love you

Viviana: love you too

I talked to my teacher, Ms. Drew for a while until she started to clean up her classroom and I decided to get some work done

Once lunch was over I left and went to my math class which is full of juniors and seniors

I hate that I'm good at school because then everyone just expects so much

Once school was over I walked back to the apartment and only mom was home

"Hey! How was school?" She ask

"It was good" I tell her and take my things to my room before coming back out and sitting down next to her

"Can we watch a movie?" I ask hopefully, I really do miss spending time with my mom

"Of course, go get a blanket and come back" she smiles and I go to my room and grab a big blanket and come back to sit next to her and throw the blanket over the both of us

"I missed you" I admit quietly, kind of hoping she didn't hear it after I said it

"I missed you too kid, I know the long hours are hard" she says and I sigh, not wanting to ruin a good moment since we don't get many

I just stayed quiet and cuddled into my mom as the movie played

By the time it was over mama was walking into the house

"Mm i love you, let me shower and I'll be right back!" She exclaims and kisses mom and then my head and goes back the hallway

"Can we all watch another movie tonight? Or a show?" I ask and mom nods

"Vivi come help me with dinner" mama says, and I get up and go help her

I enjoy being in the kitchen with my mama, wether it's dinner or just baking sweets

I was having a really good day today, something that doesn't happen often but on occasion when it does I'm glad when I notice it

After we all ate I quickly went to shower, not even bothering to wash my hair

When I got out of the shower I felt my good day disappear

Of course my stupid body image issues had to come out

I need to take that mirror out

I sighed and went into my room to get dressed and walked back out to meet my moms with my blanket

"What do you want to watch?" I ask them

"I heard about a new show... trying to remember the name.... Um euphoria I believe?" Mama says

"No!" I say quickly

"What?" Mom ask

"Literally any other show" I say, I do not want to watch anything like that sitting in between my parents,

Mama would just start talking about how unsafe the sex is

We decided on a show that thankfully was safe to watch with parents

"Alright Bellas I believe it's time for me to go to bed," mama says and her and mom both agree

"Yea me too, I love you guys" I say and walk back the hallway to my room and lay down in bed

Just as I was getting comfortable I remembered I needed to take my contacts out, i quickly did that and used the bathroom

Seeing how the cuts on my legs are healing, all at different stages

Some are from last night, not even scabbed yet, just raised and sore

Others were just faded scars, some pink, some purple, a few cuts with new scabs forming

I learned not to cut my wrist, easier for people to see and they get suspicious, which Is why I cut my upper leg, that way even in shorts people can't tell, most of the time anyway

Just looking at the cuts made me want to do it again, to feel the blade slide across my skin and watch as the blood beads up and collects into one

I almost did, but I remembered how I had a good day, and even if I felt a little sad earlier, no reason to mess it up

I may only be 25 hours and 4 minutes clean but it's something

Till next time❤️

Really need opinions!