Natsu x Reader One Shots

Traumatized!Natsu x Reader: Trauma

A/N: Thank you to @Lovestruckbynature for the request! SPOILERS: TARTAROS ARC

*******

SPOILERS: TARTAROS ARC

It was traumatic. There was no doubt. So was it really that hard to believe that Natsu was also experiencing those side effects?

Yes, he successfully made it seem like it didn't affect him that much. And yes, he was able to fool everyone when it came to interacting with them. But no, it was almost impossible to hide it from the two people he lived with. Happy and (Y/N) experienced the aftermath in Natsu.

He made it seem like it was no big deal. Yeah, it was scary and devastating. Sure, anyone would be scarred from it. Did Natsu let himself feel those emotions? No.

Losing his father was something that could not be pushed down. The scene latched onto his mind, replaying every time he was in an open space. He could not help but fear that he would have to witness Igneel fall from the sky yet again.

The dragon slayer kept his head down when he walked, reasoning that he wouldn't be faced with that scene if he just didn't look up. The guild found it strange, but they paid no mind to it, as Natsu had played it off as him trying to "focus his steps" so that he could walk around Magnolia. Was it a stupid excuse? Well, yeah. But he wanted anything but actually expressing that he was suffering in silence.

Home was a different story. He couldn't hide behind the bullshit that he spewed at the guildhall. (Y/N) was there to see right through his lies - the flinching at loud noises, the little-too-fast paced walks, the silent crying at night. Everything pointed to the fact that he was hurting. And though she could try her best, she knew that she could not "fix" the situation.

Afterall, losing someone you held dear sticks with you for the rest of your life. And, in this case, there was added trauma, added guilt - Igneel was protecting Natsu and his friends. If he didn't need help, then Igneel would...

And that was what killed him the most. That feeling of helplessness, of guilt, or shame. He wasn't strong enough in his own eyes. If he was, he wouldn't need help protecting his friends (and, in this case, all of Fiore, but he wasn't thinking of that right now).

Lucy tried, Erza tried, Wendy tried, Markarov tried. Hell, even Gray tried. Natsu still wouldn't open up, insisting that he was fine and pushing off their concerns. So, after a while, he fooled his friends that there was nothing to worry about.

At home it was different. Even if he tried to keep up the act around them, (Y/N) and Happy knew how to see right through his lies. They would check in with him, but his answer was always the same: 'I'm fine.' (Y/N) would press her lips into a line, stare at him to gauge his next movements, and push a little more.

At first, he was angry. But (Y/N) wanted any emotion from him at that point. Any at all. Instead of expressing his anger, his sadness, his guilt, his grief...he bottled it up and put on an act for the people that he held the closest. (Y/N) would continue to offer support.

One day it seemed that he had enough of keeping up the act at home, proving too tasking on his fragile mind. For the first time in months, he shed tears in front of someone. (Y/N), though thoroughly shocked at that point that he was even letting it out, brought him in for an embrace that he needed. She knew this as soon as his cries turned more severe once he felt her arms around him. He desperately clung to her, too afraid that she would disappear as well.

He never wanted to lose anyone ever again. So he held her until he was sure that she would still be there after. Salmon hair rested on (Y/N)'s shoulder as he tried to steady his breathing. After that day, Natsu decided he couldn't hold it in. Well, for everyone. His decision was that the house was the safe place he ended to let out what he was feeling, but the guildhall would remain the same. In that sense, nothing seemed to change for his guildmates. They saw the bright, cheery, energetic fire wizard who continued to pick fights and start brawls. Who continued to raid the bar's food supply. Whose smile lit up the guildhall.

His smile faded, his energy drained, and he once again was reminded of that horrible memory once he went home. He knew one thing: (Y/N) was there, always. She had made that promise to him, and he hoped that she would keep it. Because if she disappeared as well, he felt like he would have nothing. Yes, he had the guild that he grew up with, but (Y/N) had become a different kind of family that he absolutely could not lose.

A small knock on the doorframe snapped Natsu out of his trance, and, like usual, he had to adjust to the surroundings that seemed to suddenly change. He knew that he was sitting in his room, the last time he remembered. And he was still, but for some reason (that was happening more frequently) completely taken back by the surroundings. (Y/N) was there to ground him again, something he was grateful for, as he would just continue to scan the room in search of the reason why he felt so lost.

"Just me," she bubbled, setting down the groceries that she had spent the last hour picking out. "Figured we could have that new fish recipe I found. Plus, fish was on sale! Pretty cool, huh?"

Silence.

"Natsu--"

Cue the tears, which then caused (Y/N) to toss the groceries on the counter and quickly step towards him. She cradled his head in her hands and started to rock them when she felt his firm grip on her.

"Did it scare you again?" She whispered.

"Why is this happening?" He choked. "Why can't I fucking remember anything?"

"I don't know," she said truthfully.

Natsu stared blankly at the floor once (Y/N) let go of him (and when his grip finally let go of her). His elbows rested on his knees as he propped his head up, just staring. (Y/N) placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently as a sign of comfort.

"Will this ever go away?" He quietly asked.

The question was not necessarily aimed at the (H/C) haired girl, and she did not necessarily have the answer, but she tried her best. There were many times when both of them had no idea of the answer, but Natsu had made it his mission to find them.

The fire mage would sniffle, steady his breath, look up to (Y/N) and try to compartmentalize his feelings yet again. Which was when (Y/N) was right there when the second wave hit.

"I love you."

(Y/N) smiled softly and hugged him tight, repeating, "I love you, too."

"Just promise me something?"

She waited for his request, and her heart broke when it was revealed.

"Promise me you'll never get hurt and leave."