"Zee- hey." Jace greeted me when I came down to him after meeting with the Silent Brothers, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." My expression was blank as he held my jacket up for me, my arms slipping through the arms, "I didn't feel a thing-"
"Good- that's good." Jace nodded lightly, "What'd they do to you?"
"Nothing- absolutely nothing." I crossed my arms, "The demonic tether that binds me to Jonathan is stronger than anything they've ever seen before- so they couldn't do anything."
"Okay- well, look." Jace sighed lightly, shaking his head, "It doesn't mean we're out of options."
I shot him a look, "Jace, come on."
"Look, you- you saw that illustration with me." Jace mentioned, "Michael separated himself from Lucifer- that means there has to be a way."
I stare at him, "Well, why not go right to the source?"
Jace blinks, "Are you talking about Lilith?"
"Yeah, why not?" I shrug lightly, "She gave me the rune- she bound to know how to remove it."
"No- no," Jace shook his head immediately, "Look, we just got rid of her, and it almost cost you your life-"
"Jace, do we have any other options here?" I ran my hands through my hair, "I mean- I don't know what else to do- we're back at square one-"
Jace denied again, "We'll figure something out-"
"Jace, I need answers." I looked helpless, staring at my best friend, "I'm trying so hard to stay intact with myself, but this rune- I can feel the darkness inside of me, Jace- and after all my little- outbursts- I know it's pulling me in, and- I- I don't know if I can stop it-"
"Hey, hey, hey-" Jace put his hands on my shoulders, staring right into my eyes, "Listen to me-"
I began, "Jace-"
"You are a good person." Jace made himself clear, "And there is no rune that's gonna change that."
-
"Catarina- you have to do something-" I heard Alec's panicked voice from the office when Jace and I had arrived back, "He's not breathing-"
Isabelle's voice followed his, "By the Angel!-"
"What's happening?" I walked into the office, my eyes landing on Magnus on the ground, bleeding and unconscious, my heart dropping and my voice breaking almost immediately, "Magnus?-"
Jace's expression dropped, "Magnus-"
"Hey, hey-" Alec quickly got in front of me, his hands on my arms, keeping me shielded from Catarina and Magnus so I didn't see, "Come on, let's step out- he's gonna be fine-"
"Magnus-" I tried to push past Alec, tears burning in my eyes, my hands gripping Alec's arm, as he held my waist trying to pull me back, "Oh my god- Magnus!"
"Come on, Magnus!" Catarina tried to bring Magnus back to us, "Hang in there!"
My hand slapped over my mouth, tears falling from my eyes as they were glued to what was happening, a small sob leaving my lips as Alec pulled me out the room, as I no longer fought in his grip.
-
I stared at Magnus, seated next to him at the Infirmary, where he laid unconscious, looking worse than I had ever seen him.
"Hey-" My voice was a whisper, tears streaming down my cheeks, as I slowly grabbed Magnus' limp hand, "I- don't know if you can hear me- but, uhm- I- I miss you."
"I know it's only been a little while- but, this is all so much at once- it's hitting me harder than it should-" I looked down at our hands, my voice shaky, "Magnus, I'm so sorry."
"This is all my fault- it's always my fault." I quietly sob, "You have sacrificed so much for me- you sacrificed your magic so I could have my best friend- to fix a problem I caused- and you- you got your magic back to help me feel whole again- and I was- so selfish- I didn't second guess it not once-"
"I'm so- so sorry-" I sniffled quietly, wiping my tears with my sleeve, "Please come back."
Catarina's voice filled my ears, "May I come in?"
"Yeah- yeah." I clear my throat and wiped my tears, standing up, looking at her, "Did you manage to make contact with the people at the Spiral Labyrinth?"
"Yes, and I shared the test results, and he agreed." She held a clipboard, "Magnus's body is rejecting Lorenzo's magic."
"Rejecting?" I repeat, "What do you mean?-"
"Think of it like a failing organ transplant." She went in depth, "Each time Magnus performs a spell, it puts a tremendous strain on his body."
"He got lucky this time- he will regain consciousness." Catarina told me, "But- if he uses magic again, even for something small, he might not survive."
"Well- why can't you just- fix him?" I gestured to Magnus, "Why can't you just take Lorenzo's magic out?"
"I wish I could." She replied, "The only one who can reverse the transfer is the person who gave it to him."
I grew angry, "Lorenzo did this on purpose-"
"Zee, there's no way he could have planned it." Catarina began, "With magic transfusions, there's always this possibility-"
"No, that son of a bitch knew how desperate Magnus was- how empty he felt without his magic- he took advantage of him." I began walking past her, "He's gonna pay for it-"
"You need to settle down." Catarina stopped me, "What's the Shadowhunter saying- emotions cloud judgement? You lose your temper with Lorenzo
he'll have less incentive to help."
I clench my jaw, as she said it to me straight, "Like it or not, Lorenzo Rey is Magnus's only hope."
-
"Hey, Zee, he's gonna be okay-" Clary said to me after I had joined them outside the room, Catarina deciding for me that it was better I stayed out of the room because of me being on edge.
I pay no mind to her, my hands shaking, my back to everyone, my voice quiet, "Why is everything falling apart?-"
"Look- it may seem like that- but- it's okay-" Clary tried again and placed a hand on my shoulder from behind me to try and comfort me, "Everything's gonna be fine-"
I don't reply to her.
Clary inhales, "Look, I know- first Luke goes to prison, and now-"
"Will you shut up?" I spun to face her, my voice raising slightly, my eyes rimmed red due to all the crying I had done, her voice making my blood boil.
Clary blinks, taking a step back, "I- I'm sorry- I- was just trying to help-"
"Help? Help-" I scoff, blinking a few times, almost laughing right in her face, "You realize that this is all because of you- right? All the pain- all my suffering- has been because of you-"
Clary began, "Zee, I haven't done anything-"
"You came into my life!" I raised my voice at her, catching everyone's attention, my breathing becoming heavy, "You think I chose to be like this? You think I chose for my life to be this way- before you- Valentine never came out of hiding, and I didn't even know Jonathan existed- you changed my life- you- you changed my family's life- this was done to me."
Simon got up, "Young, you don't look alright-"
"Zee, this isn't my fault-" Clary looked slightly hurt by my words, "You made those choices- you-"
"I compelled a wish from the Angel for you-" Tears of anger burned in my eyes, my hands trembling, feeling complete anger and hatred towards her, "I saved your life and got this stupid mark that binds me to Jonathan for the rest of my life for you- Magnus sacrificed so much because of the stupid wish- I made- for you!"
"All my pain since you showed up, has been because of something I did for you- or fixing something you screwed up-" My voice was extremely serious and filled with rage, "All my suffering has been because of my connection to you-"
"How many times do I have to suffer for you?" I was shouting at her at this point, taking a step closer to her, "When is it your turn to suffer?"
"Zee!" Alec's voice made me stop, as he had come over by us after Jace had rushed to get him, his eyes glued to me.
My head snapped toward him, staring at him for a few seconds, it taking me a few moments to realize how I had just bursted at Clary, "Oh my God-"
Alec walked over to me and pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me tight, knowing the last thing I needed was backlash.
"I- I'm sorry-" My hands were on Alec's arm, looking at Clary, "I- don't know what that was-"
Isabelle's eyes were glued to me, worry on her expression, "My god, Zee- you look sick-"
"The rune-" I pulled my shirt to the side lightly, noticing the rune igniting up, the tears in my eyes falling, "I can't live like this."
Jace swallowed hard, "Zee-"
I looked up at him, "Jace, we have to do it."
"Do what?" Alec questioned.
Simon asks, "Zee, what's going on?"
-
"I spoke to Catarina." Alec walked over to us, stopping next to me, "She won't summon Lilith- too dangerous."
"Well, can we find another warlock?" asked Simon.
Isabelle shook her head, "There's no one else we can trust."
"What about Zee?" Clary suggested, "What if she uses her rune ability to summon Lilith?"
Jace looks at her, "The runes were designed to give us the power to fight demons, not summon them."
"Maybe I could do it." I looked up at him, "Who knows what might happen- maybe I'll do it."
"Okay- let's say we manage to summon Lilith-" Jace began, "What's to stop her from escaping? Or attacking us?"
"The Malachi Configuration." Isabelle suggests, "It was built to contain greater demons."
Alec nods, "Right, but- not the Queen of Hell."
I exhale, "We need a contingency plan-"
Isabelle adds in, "A way to send her back to Edom if she gets loose."
Simon throws in, "The Mark of Cain."
"Yeah, the Mark of Cain would be perfect." Jace looked at Simon, "If you still had it."
Simon looks at Isabelle, "Yeah, I don't, but- Izzy and I both know someone that does."
She looks at him, "Do you think you can convince Cain to cooperate?"
"Well, I mean, it seemed like he liked me." Simon shrugged, "It's worth a shot-"
"Okay- let's say we summon Lilith, and we manage to trap her, and Cain is willing to help." Alec said, "The only problem is- how do we get her to talk to us?"
"Don't worry about it." Isabelle assures, "With the upgrades I made to the Malachi configuration, that shouldn't be an issue."
Simon began walking away, "I'll go talk to him right now.
"I'll go with you." Isabelle followed him.
"I have something I need to take care of-" I began to say, but suddenly felt an intense burning all across my skin, a gasp filling my lips, as I collapsed to the ground.
"Zee!-" Alec got onto the ground, pulling me up so I was seated and leaning into his side, "What's going on?-"
Jace got down next to him, "Are you okay?-"
"It burns!" My breathing was heavy, whimpers leaving my lips as I tried to tough it out, but couldn't, "God, it all burns!-"
"Jonathan-" Jace looked up at Alec.
Alec's expression harden, as he held me into his side, running his hand through my hair repeatedly to comfort me.
I breathe out deeply, letting my head fall back when the burning and stinging subsided, breathing heavy.
-
"Charming, isn't it?" Lorenzo knew it was me as he swung open the door with his magic, his back to me, "It's one of Mozart's lesser known works, but- certainly one of my favorites."
I slowly walked in, the door shutting behind me, as he continued, "You should've seen the look on Wolfgang's face when I told him what I really thought about his Mass in C Minor."
"We need to talk." I was straight with it.
"Hang on, this is the best part." Lorenzo hushed me, as I rolled my eyes and walked over to the box, turning off the music, as he slowly turned around, "What can I do for you, Ms. Young?"
"Magnus is sick." I crossed my arms, "Due to the magic that- you, gave him-"
"I did warn him of the risks involved." Lorenzo sipped his drink, "He assured me he could handle it."
"Well, he's proven himself wrong." I stared at him, "I'd like for you to take the magic back."
"I'm sure you would appreciate that." Lorenzo began, "But- he brought this upon himself- not my fault the pompous old warlock falls by his own hubris."
"I don't get you." I scoffed lightly, uncrossing my arms, "Why do you hate him so much?"
"It's simple." Lorenzo said, "All my life, I've had to sit by and watch while the world lavished praise on Magnus Bane- the Prodigy- the High Warlock who could do no wrong."
I gape at him, "You're kidding me."
"You have no idea how hard I've had to work for everything that I have-" Lorenzo shot are me, "That man was born with a silver spoon in his mouth- his celebrity is not based on talent, it's nepotism."
"You wanna play that game? Alright." I walked closer to him, "How do you think your people will feel when they find out that- you- powerful, high warlock of Brooklyn wouldn't help one from his community out of jealously?-"
Lorenzo didn't back down, his words angering me, "I guess we'll find out, won't we?-"
"You bastard-" I clenched my jaw, getting directly in front of him, "I swear I will-"
"You'll what?" He pushed me back with his magic, as he stopped me right at the door, "I believe we're done here- you can show yourself out."
"You don't understand the connection Magnus and I have, do you?" I didn't leave, "Do you even have a friend as close to you as Magnus is to me? He's like family to me-"
"I'm over 300 years old." Lorenzo looked at me, his hands folded, "Of course I have."
"Then why don't you understand?" I walked toward him again, feeling hopeless, "God, Lorenzo- I know Magnus, he'll just- assure me that he's fine- and then he'll get himself killed- and I can't lose him."
"He got his magic back to help me." I teared up lightly at the thought, "And now it's killing him- and I'll be damned if I just let him destroy himself every time he uses it-"
"He's like an older brother to me." I stopped directly in front of Lorenzo, my voice quiet, "Please- Lorenzo, just help him."
-
"Hey-" My voice was soft when I noticed Magnus start to wake up, "You there?"
Magnus opened his eyes slowly, reaching over, grabbing my face with one hand, "There you are-"
"Here I am." My eyes were glued to him, slightly scared to tell him about Lorenzo.
Magnus groans lightly, "What happened?"
"I- uhm, from- what I was told- you collapsed- you got very sick-" I got up when he tried to sit up, bringing his pillow up so he could rest on it, "Here-"
"Ah- a man could get used to this type of treatment." Magnus then looked down at his gown, "Oh, but definitely not this wardrobe-"
"Oh-" I nodded once, "Just give me a second, I'll go grab you something more of your style-"
Magnus held his hand up, "Oh, no need."
"No!" I unintentionally raised my voice and grabbed his wrist quickly, stopping him before he could use his magic.
"Biscuit, what-" Magnus began, but then his eyes landed on something behind me, "What's he doing here?"
"Listen-" I exhale slowly, looking at Alec, "Lorenzo's magic is what got you sick. Catarina says that if you use the magic again, even a little bit, it could go- terribly wrong- and the only way for you to get better, is for Lorenzo to take the magic away."
"Oh-" Magnus sat up, trying to get out of bed, "No, Catarina's just being overly cautious- trust me, I feel fine-"
"No- no, stop-" I looked back at Lorenzo, "Can Magnus and I have a moment, please?-"
"No!" Magnus raised his voice at me, making me looking at him, "I'm not getting rid of my magic."
-
"Magnus, you can't be serious." I stared at him, his back to me as he buttoned up his jacket, "Magnus, the magic caused you to stop breathing- your heart stopped- I thought I lost you-"
"I'm so sorry for scaring you." Magnus said, "I was clearly adjusting to Lorenzo's magic, and I must have overextended myself- I promise I'll be more careful from now on."
"This isn't about being careful, Magnus." I scoff lightly, "It doesn't matter how careful you are- as long as you have Lorenzo's magic- one snap of your fingers and you're a dead corpse-"
Magnus looks back at me, shooting me a look, "Oh, could you stop being so morbid?"
"I know how important magic is to you- I understand the connection between you and what makes you special- my abilities, remember?" I took a step closer to him, "But, Magnus- in the end- it's just- something- it's not worth your life-"
"I am nothing without my magic- it's worth everything." Magnus took a step closer to me, tears starting to burn in his eyes, "You became close with Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn- not- not this-"
"Magnus, your magic isn't what draws people to you- it isn't what drew me to you-" I shook my head lightly, "You're- kind- and wise- and have always been there for me when I needed it- I- you're incredible! You're someone I wish I could be-"
Magnus began shaking his head, but I quickly grabbed his arms, tears burning in my eyes, "You're my family. And I can't lose family-"
-
"Are you ready?" I quietly asked Magnus, as Lorenzo had come back into the room after he had agreed to get the magic removed.
"You understand once I take back my magic, that's it." Lorenzo stares at Magnus, "I cannot give you another transfusion."
Magnus exhaled, "Just do it."
Lorenzo did exactly that, sucking the magic out from Magnus, who fell into me from behind overwhelmed.
I caught him, hugging onto him tightly, looking back at Lorenzo, "Lorenzo- thank you."
"Yes, well- I hope you know this changes nothing." Lorenzo said, "I'll be keeping the apartment."
My jaw clenched, turning to walk towards him but Magnus held my arm tight, "Oh, fine- I have everything I need right here."
-
"Hey-" Alec's voice broke me out of my thoughts, making me look at him as we stood at the abandoned warehouse to summon Lilith, "How are you doing?"
I looked at him, pursing my lips.
Alec purses his lips for a moment as well, before putting a strand of my hair behind my ear, "We're gonna get you free of him- I promise you."
"Don't make empty promises, Alec." My voice was low, my body tense, "Don't give me that kind of hope."
"Look, even if we don't-" Alec grabbed my face with both hands, caressing my cheek with his thumb, "I won't ever let you fall into the dark side."
"I already have." My voice broke, "You saw how I lashed out on Clary- that wasn't me. I'm losing myself, Alec-"
Before Alec could reply, Jace's voice made me step back, "You ready, Zee?"
"Yeah." I exhale, breaking eye contact with Alec and walking back to everyone, "Alright, I'm going to open a summoning portal inside the Malachi Configuration- once Lilith surfaces, she'll be trapped inside."
Isabelle looked at Cain, "If she breaks free, use your vamp speed and act as our shield."
"I will do my best." said Cain.
"Everyone keep their eyes open." Jace pulled out his seraph blade, "Don't take any chances."
Alec stood next to me, his voice lowering, nodding at me lightly, "Whenever you're ready."
I took a step forward, exhaling slow.
I focused on my abilities, my eyes beginning to shine gold, along with a rune that began faintly appearing right in front of me.
When it became bright and clear, my palm came forward, pushing it towards the Malachi Configuration, as Lilith appeared right where we wanted her to, breathing heavily.
I took a step back, "Welcome back-"
-
"So many familiar faces-" Lilith looked around, looking from Cain to Jace, "Son of Adam- and my precious Owl, how lovely to see you both."
"And you," Lilith's glare fixed right onto me, "The girl who stole my boy's heart."
"Don't categorize me as such." My hands were fists, taking a few steps closer to her, my voice low, "Tell me how to break the connection I have with Jonathan-"
"Why would I do that?" Lilith looked at me, "Jonathan- that ungrateful bastard tried to kill me. As far as I'm concerned, you two deserve each other-"
"Enough!" Alec cuts in, "If you're not gonna cooperate willingly, we're gonna have to make you."
Isabelle took this as her cue, walking towards her, twisting one of the swords that held her, Lilith screaming when we was affected by it.
"There's only one way to break the bond between you two-" Lilith practically screamed in pain after enduring it for a few moments, "You've heard of Michael and Lucifer?"
"Lucifer possessed the Morning Star blade, but Michael had a sword of his own called Glorious." Lilith explained, "It was imbued with heavenly fire which gave it the power to purge demonic energy."
Isabelle quietly repeats to herself, "Heavenly fire?"
Lilith finished, "By stabbing Lucifer with Glorious, Michael was able to nullify the rune's power, and break the connection."
"Where is Glorious now?" Alec questioned.
"Nowhere." Lilith's smirk formed, "Glorious was destroyed the moment Michael pierced Lucifer- its blade was shattered into a thousand pieces and lost to time."
Lilith only laughed, her eyes filled with hatred fixed on me, "There is no hope for you, Zee Young."
"No!" Jace raised his voice, before turning the sword, "You put that rune on her, you're gonna take it off!"
Lilith screams at the pain that it caused her, "I told you, there's nothing I can do!-"
"Jace, wait-" I called out, my eyes glued to Lilith, "Jace, enough! I think she's telling the truth."
When Jace huffed and stopped, Isabelle's echoed shout filled our ears, "Watch out!-"
Jace turned, blocking the swing from Jonathan's sword, falling onto his back, grunting lightly.
My heart stopped, "Jonathan-"
Jonathan looked at me, a small smirk playing at his lips, "Hello, sister-"
Jace's voice was deep and raspy, pushing Jonathan off him and getting up to his feet, ready to fight, "You stay away from her!-"
I pulled out my kindjals when Isabelle and Jace began taking Jonathan on, Alec grabbing my arm before I could join them, "Zee- no!"
"No?" I looked at him with wide eyes, my voice rushed, "What do you mean, no?-"
"Remember what happens when you get close to him." Alec pulled an arrow out of his quiver, nodding at Simon, "Keep her back-"
"What? No!-" I began to protest, but Simon grabbed my arms tightly and pulled me back as Alec joined Isabelle and Jace, "Simon, let go of me!"
Simon held a tight grip, "I'm sorry, I can't-"
"Simon, I can't just watch this!" I looked at him, "He's going to hurt them-"
Simon didn't budge, "You don't have a choice-"
"As happy as I am to see Zee, I'm here for Lilith." Jonathan said to Jace, having him on the ground, after sending him flying back.
"I don't care why you're here." Jace grunted from the ground, "You're not getting away."
"And how do you plan on stopping me?" Jonathan taunted, but grabbed Isabelle whip when she tried to strike him, making me drop my kindjals and grip my hand, "You don't learn, do you?"
He fought Isabelle, then sent her flying back and hitting a pillar, as I tensed up, feeling that she was in pain.
"Oh, I've had a bone to pick with you for a while now-" Jonathan practically growled at Alec, dodging all of his arrows, and stopping all of his attempts to stop him with his seraph blade when he had pulled it out, "You can keep lying to yourself all you want, but the process? It's already started- you and I both know it won't be long until she's fully mine-"
"I won't let you blacken her heart." Alec's blade slammed against Jonathan's, "She has people that love her- she has the support that you never had- and that's why she won't subject to the darkness-"
Jonathan grunted, kicking Alec back, slamming his blade against the ground, sending him flying and hitting the ground.
He walks toward him and grabbed one of his arrows from the ground, piercing it right into his leg, as J tried to pull from Simon, "Jonathan, no!-"
Jace got right back up, flipping his sword in his hand, catching Jonathan's attention as they went at it again.
It wasn't long until Jace had the upper hand, as Jonathan taunts, "You hurt me, you hurt Zee-"
Jonathan pierced his blade into Jace's shoulder, who grunted and fell onto the ground in pain, a gasp leaving my lips, "No!"
Jonathan slowly walked toward Isabelle, as she struggled to grab her whip, Simon's eyes widening, "Izzy!-"
Simon let go of me and rushed over to him, sinking his fangs into Jonathan's neck, making me gasp and grab at my own, collapsing onto my knees, my jaw clenched as my blood oozed out of the fang wounds.
Simon pulled back, throwing up Jonathan's blood, falling to his knees, coughing it all up.
Jonathan grunts, slowly picking up his seraph blade, starting to walk towards him, but I quickly grabbed my kindjal and stabbed it into my thigh, making him cry out in pain and collapse onto the ground.
"Cain, don't listen to her!" I heard Simon suddenly shout when I pulled my kindjal out of my thigh, hissing in pain, "She's just trying to manipulate you like before!-"
"You have my word." Lilith said, "I promise."
Cain exhaled, "Forgive me-"
"Stop!" Simon ran toward him, but his mark sent him flying back, as Cain released Lilith, the both of them disappearing.
Everyone was on the ground, enduring the pain they felt from the fight that had broken out.
"Sister!" Jonathan's voice sounded, making me look up and lock eyes with him, "Help me!"
My eyes were glued to his.
I slowly forced myself onto my feet, grunting as I did, standing directly across from him, whimpering lightly due to the pain in my leg.
I needed to help him.
"Zee, no!" Jace's voice echoed, but my eyes started to glow gold, my portal rune forming in front of me, "Stop!"
Alec's voice then followed his, his voice panicked and fully snapping me out of the trance that Jonathan and the rune had me in, "Zee, don't do it!"
My eyes landed on Alec for a moment, before pushing the portal rune forward, letting the portal take him to a cell at the Institute.
After I had done so, I let out a slow breath, before my eyes rolled to the back of my head, collapsing onto the ground with the amount of blood loss and being overwhelmed.
Jace healed himself, Alec doing the same as they both rushed over to me, falling onto their knees on either side of me, Jace's eyes wide as Alec used my Iratze on me, "Where did you send him?"
I breathed heavily, my head rested on Alec's arm, "Where he belongs."
-
"Those restraints will stop him from hurting himself." Alec had his arms crossed as we stood outside of Jonathan's cell, "As long as he's here, you'll be safe."
I stared at Jonathan, before swallowing hard and gesturing my head to the side for Alec to follow me, turning the corner and heading into the other hall.
He follows me, "What is it?"
"When we were out there, when Jonathan called out for help-" I crossed my arms and stood in front of him, sighing lightly, "I was- so close- to helping him- I felt like I had to."
Alec stares at me, "But- you didn't."
"Because I heard your voice-" I sighed through my nose, "I mean- I heard Jace- but I wasn't fully snapped out of it until I heard you."
I swallowed hard, "Every time I get close to the edge- you're the first person I go to for comfort- the thought of you- just hearing your voice- keeps me from falling into the darkness."
Alec looked into my eyes, "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that you're my person." I tilted my head to the side lightly, my voice quieting, "And- I may not be strong enough to fight the rune's influence, but- you're right by side to pull me right back if I fall under."
"You're stronger than anyone I've ever known." Alec reaches, running his hands through my hair, then grabbing my face with both his hands, "I will always be right by your side."
"I don't understand." My voice got quiet, my eyes locked with his, small tears starting to form in my eyes, "You never give up on me."
Alec caressed my cheek with his thumb, my voice lowering as well, "And I never will."
"And if I subject to the dark side?" The thought made fear burn in my chest, "If- I lose this battle-"
Alec shook his head, "You won't-"
"Stop-" My voice came out as a broken whisper, pulling from his hold, hugging myself, shaking my head lightly.
"What? I don't get it-" Alec stares at me, not letting his eyes off me for a second, "I- I'm trying to be here for you- I'm trying to assure you that you have a support system- and you- keep pulling away from that-"
I shake my head again, turning my back to him, feeling anger starting to burn in my chest.
I wasn't even angry at him.
"Zee, you're always there for everyone else- no matter what's happening- you put other people before yourself." Alec took a step closer to me, "This is the one time that you- need someone- you need support- you need help- and I'm trying to be that person for you-"
"Well, I don't want you to be!" I unexpectedly outburst, spinning to face him, my eyes red due to the tears in my eyes, "I don't need someone treating me like I'm a lost, fragile little girl!"
Alec's expression looked taken back and wounded, "That's not what I'm trying to do-"
"That's what it seems like." I continued to lash out on him like I had with Clary earlier, "You can say that you're trying to support me all you want, but what you're really trying to do is fix me-"
Alec stammers, not knowing what to say.
"You know that with every day that goes by, I'm getting closer and closer to Jonathan- and there's nothing you can do to stop it." I slowly inched closer to him, staring at him with pure hatred, "And that thought just eats you away inside and makes you absolutely miserable."
"You're not going to side with him." Alec's voice was low, his eyes starting to get slightly watery, "I know you won't- this- this isn't you- this is the rune-"
"Are you sure it's just the rune?" I took a few steps back, raising my voice, "How many times have I came to you- telling you that I felt like I was losing myself- I was crying for help, and you? You couldn't do anything."
Alec stares at me, tears present in his eyes.
"I'm not your Zee anymore, Alec." I seethed through my teeth, "You and I both know that."
Alec swallows, "Yes you are-"
"No, I'm not!" I raised my voice at him, "I don't know why you're still trying-"
Alec's voice broke when he raised his voice at me, "I'm trying because I love you!"
"Still?" I scoff lightly, gaping at him, "Look at me, Alec- can you honestly say that you don't feel differently about me after everything that's happened- can you honestly say you like this?"
"Yes!" Alec's voice was shaky, a tear falling from his eye, "Zee, yes- it was easier before this rune- our story was easier before all of this- but it being easy? That's not why I fell in love with you."
"I fell in love with you because you understood me more than anyone I've ever known- you're strong, and brave- you're- like a dream." Alec was pouring his heart out to me, "I fell in love with you because you're- selfless- and good- and you cared about my happiness. About me- it wasn't about duties- or rules to you- it was my feelings."
"You're a woman who went through hell and back but still found a way to be happy- you have suffered so much, and you're still here- I fell in love with the woman you are- not because it was easy." Alec continued, "When you walk into a room, there's a spark in you, rune's influence or not, that lights up everything and everyone around you!-"
I scoff lightly and began turning away, when he grabbed my arm, pulling me to look at him, "And- and- hey!"
"I won't lose you!" Alec's words snapped me out of it, my heart aching at his words, "I can't."
"That's why I won't give up on you- why I will never give up on you." Alec stares right into my eyes, my heart breaking that I had hurt him so badly, "Because I want it all. Darkness or not- I want you- I need you."
I stared at him, tears streaming down my cheeks, "I- I'm so sorry- I-"
Alec blinked a few times, before sniffling, pulling me into his chest, knowing it was the rune's influence, "It's okay-"
"I didn't mean any of that- I- I'm so sorry-" I started to sob, my hands covering my face as I started to cry my eyes out, "I'm sorry- I'm sorry-"
"No, sh- it's okay- it's fine-" Alec held me tighter, resting his chin on my head, "You're with me- it's okay- I got you."
-
[ alec's pov ]
"Alec-" My mother greeted me with welcoming arms when I walked into her bookshop, "What a nice surprise!"
"I thought I'd actually stop by and see the place." I softly smiled, hugging back, "I'm proud of you."
"Thanks!" She smiled when we pulled away from each other, "It's really coming together, isn't it?"
I press my palms together, mentioning, "There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about."
She looks at me, slowly seating me down, sitting across from me, "What is it?"
"Well, Zee- she's been dealing with a lot recently." I folded my hands, "And the influence the rune's has on her- it's made her- question- a lot."
She questions, "Like what?"
"My love for her." I stared at her, exhaling slowly, "We had an argument- it's alright, we're okay now- but- it made me realize how much I love her- and how much I can't bare to lose her. I can't live without her-"
"That's what love is." She smiles widely at me, "I'm so happy you two fell in love- you were meant for each other."
"Me too." I exhale slow and sat up, "Uhm- that's why I'm going to need the family ring."
She blinks, "What?-"
"Zee isn't one for huge- bulky rings- I know, if I would ever give her that ring- I'd give it to her on a chain- so she could wear it as a necklace- because it's so her." I hesitantly began to explain, afraid of what she would think, "We always- joke around about getting married- and she once told me that if anyone were to ever purpose to her- to use her mother's wedding ring."
I inhale slow, "She hasn't worn it in a while- because of how much that's been going on- I know she can't bare the thought of Margaret along with it."
I slowly pulled out the ring I had taken from Zee's jewelry box, holding it delicately between my fingers, "Mom, I'm gonna ask Zee to marry me."
authors note:
ahhhhhh !!!!!!
this chapter holds so much damn content
zee going off on clary inspired by the flash
but them arguing and alec just pouring his heart out to her, oh my god
it literally makes my heart break cause she's getting closer and closer to the dark side and you can tell sksksks
but, thank you for 118k !!
go read metanoia !
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