Lose Myself

By idahwrites

2.2M 63.6K 7.8K

WAS #2 in Romance. -- He's got a secret, she's got a secret. But is it the same secret? Amara A... More

Author's Note
Chapter One: A Change
Chapter Two: The Encounter
Chapter Three: The Project
Chapter Four: A Dark Past
Chapter Five: Schwarzer Regen
Chapter Six: Family Day
Chapter Seven: Discovery
Chapter Eight: Flashback (Emilie)
Chapter Nine: Return Home
Chapter Ten: Undercover
Chapter Eleven: Admission
Chapter Twelve: Flashback (Amara)
Chapter Thirteen: Take Care of Me
Chapter Fourteen: The Next Chapter
Chapter Fifteen: Friends
Chapter Sixteen Part One: Understanding
Chapter Sixteen Part Two: Bonding
Chapter Seventeen Part One: Spa Day
Chapter Seventeen Part Two: Family Night
Chapter Eighteen: Sunday Brunch
Chapter Nineteen: Love Me Right
Chapter Twenty: First Day
Chapter Twenty-One: Trouble
Chapter Twenty-Two: Teamwork
Chapter Twenty-Three: Interrogation
Chapter Twenty-Four Part One: Dark Knight
Chapter Twenty-Four Part Two: Angel in White
Chapter Twenty-Five: Stranger From the Past
Chapter Twenty-Six: My Fault
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Thank You
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Adventure with Me
Chapter Twenty-Nine Part Two: Suspicion
Chapter Thirty: Extermination
Chapter Thirty-One: Closure
Chapter Thirty-Two: Happy New Year!
Chapter Thirty-Three: Informant
Chapter Thirty-Four: Distant
Chapter Thirty-Five: Brink
Chapter Thirty-Six: Bad Decisions
Thirty-Seven: Old Friend
Chapter Thirty-Eight: I'm Sorry
Chapter Thirty-Nine: I Love You
Chapter Forty: You Saved Me
Chapter Forty-One: Independence Day
Chapter Forty-Two: Sitter
Chapter Forty-Three: Back To The Future
Chapter Forty-Four: Nakey In The Lakey
Chapter Forty-Five: Take Me Away With You
Chapter Forty-Six: The Devil's Insurgence
Chapter Forty-Seven: Secret Home
Chapter Forty-Eight: Game Plan
Chapter Forty-Nine: Rogue
Chapter Fifty: Bump!
Chapter Fifty-One: Problems From the Past
Chapter Fifty-Two: Tough Love
Chapter Fifty-Three: Waddle
Chapter Fifty-Four: Friction
Chapter Fifty-Five: Hello Baby!
Chapter Fifty-Six: Family Matters
Chapter Fifty-Seven: This Is Us
Important Notice
Chapter Fifty-Eight: Massacre
Chapter Fifty-Nine: Me and You
Chapter Sixty: Squad
Interview: Dominic + Amara
Very Important Notice

Chapter Twenty-Nine Part One: Merry Merry Christmas

29.7K 932 99
By idahwrites


A few months later...

Amara

I woke up to lots of noise, it was a couple days before the Annual Christmas Ball and everyone was busy preparing. Claire had been getting up around five everyday, Donna even earlier. I woke up at eleven, every single day.

Dominic woke up at 1pm.

I rolled my eyes as I pushed his arms off me and sat up, stretching. He was up super late last night - like usual - with some of the other men, trying to figure out what Vince was going to do. Ever since Alexei had tipped us off about Vince planning to take action around Christmas time, many had been dreading it. 

Though Donna and the older women continued to plan the ball they had every year, as per usual a ton of girls already had their dresses and I didn't. I wasn't alone though, Claire didn't have one either. Abrielle - unlike us - already purchased a royal blue gown. 

I got out of bed, I went about my usual routine. I found it kind of funny that they called this a 'ball', seemed kind of medieval to me. But what else can you call an extremely formal celebration during a huge holiday, nothing else but a ball.

I wiggled into my Adidas track pants, a white mesh crop top that said 'sleepyhead' on it and put my hair into a messy bun. After brushing my teeth and putting on deodorant I jogged downstairs, on most occasions they need help with a couple things.

"Ohmigod!" Claire ran up to me as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairwell.

"That's not a word." I frowned.

"Doesn't matter," she huffed. "Not only do we not have dresses. We didn't get presents!"

My eyes widened, "Oh sh-"

"Please don't swear around the children." Donna reminded as she walked past with a box, I closed my mouth watching as one of the little girls ran around chasing a puppy. I smiled at the little thing.

"We have to go." Claire hushed, she led me outside then texted for a car. We got in and started our way to the mega-mall. I was lucky I wore uggs and fluffy socks on my feet, it was cold. Claire on the other hand, wore sandals.

"Why aren't you wearing closed shoes?" I asked pointing.

"Are you kidding?" she replied, "I painted my nails this morning."

"They should be dry by now." I muttered under my breath. She heard me but ignored it.

We came to a stop and she jumped out so quick I swear I almost missed her movements, she tapped her foot waiting for my slow ass to get out. I rolled my eyes as she turned and walked away but followed. 

We spent a solid while looking for something to get our friends, guards following closely behind us. Claire informed me that everyone at familia understood that not every person would or could buy a present for every person there. So what happens is, we celebrate together then people go off with whomever they bought gifts for and give them out. Claire was buying for her parents, Abrielle, Dominic and Leo.

I was buying for Dominic, Abrielle, Leo and Claire. I wasn't too close with anyone else and had no idea what Donna would like. Claire said it was okay and I believed her.

We struggled immensely to find even one, Claire eventually gathered her presents. I saw what she got and tried my best not to buy anything similar. After we'd purchased our gifts we headed back home.

--

I sat up abruptly, I still didn't have a dress... and the event was today!

I brought both hands to my face and groaned, I turned to look if I woke Dominic but he wasn't there. Instead the bed was made and there was a black box, it had a white card on top of it and my name in the prettiest man writing I'd ever seen.

I crawled over to it and took the card, it said not to open the box until before the event tonight. I would obey - for now. I turned it back around and flipped it open, it read in inky black:


'Never in my life have I felt more dedicated to anything. 

I pledge my life to you and I promise to keep investing my time and energy into the wonderful relationship that we have together. 

Every day I learn something new about you and I am always reminded of how amazing you are.

 Together, we can have the greatest adventure of all time.'


I smiled, this man was good at making promises he could keep. Not a single mention of love in there, but it was honest. I appreciate honesty. I quickly grabbed the card I'd bought for him, I'd left it blank the other day because I had no idea what to write. But now, I would write from the heart.

--

Claire huffed washing her hands in the sink, we'd just finished preparing the dishes for tonight. Which was a hell of a lot. All the women in the familia had gathered to help out, we'd managed to finish in just five hours. They started at around six in the morning, Claire and I joined at around nine. 

Claire was continuously complaining about having to do it and Donna constantly reminded her that we couldn't possibly keep the help away from their families on Christmas Day, the entire staff was on holiday. As they should be.

--

We were currently in the dining room, the entire estate's worth of bodies was in one space. This was the grand dining and it seated everyone, must be custom made. There was a couple chairs squeezed in but otherwise it was a comfortable fit. 

Dominic and the others had shown up, I'd given him a peck on the lips and thanked him for the card. We now sat at one end of the table with his immediate family and close friends. I'd call it the VIP section. 

Everyone ate breakfast, having their food harmoniously. I was happy to find out that neither today or tonight was fighting permitted. Anyone who attended was well aware of the no-fight rule and would be kicked out if they attempted to start a ruckus.

Dominic's father stood, he spoke for a while. The usual things about honour, welcoming people into our home and drinking responsibly. The last one being sarcastic of course. Everyone was going to get wasted.

We laughed at jokes and the silly actions of the children that ran around. There were many different age groups, the teens were acting like adults and the children like teens. But it was the seven years-old and younger that scram and ran around.

I admired how protected they were here, 70% of these people in this room were able to take in a child were something to happen and protect a child were they to be left alone. These children were beyond the privilege of a rich kid.

As the gathering came to a close Dominic told me he might not see me until tonight and I accepted the fact. I didn't want him to know I didn't know what I was wearing.

--

As soon as clean up was over, every woman dispersed to prepare. They were all going to get ready. The event started at 6:30 pm after sundown but they all seemed to think they needed all that time to prepare.

Claire turned to me looking frustrated, "We don't have anything to wear." she droned.

Before I could speak, Donna intervened, "Don't you worry about that. We've go it all sorted out." she assured us whilst leaving the room.

"We?" Claire was confused, so was I. But if Donna said not to worry, I would trust her on that.

I removed my gaze from the doorway, "Where are the boys?"

"They had to set-up. At this point, they're out getting fitted into their suits."

"Oh." I replied.

"We have to get our hair done in fifteen minutes, then its make-up and nails." she breathed, she gestured toward the door for me to follow her and so I did.

--

We got our hair, make-up and nails done as planned. We spent a good twenty minutes going around and dropping off our presents. We separated going into our rooms.

I placed Dominic's box and card on the dresser, I looked better than usual with make-up on. I liked it. I looked at the time. Six.

I sat on the armchair groaning, then I remembered Dominic said I could open my present before the event. I got up, something was going well I guess. I didn't want to just simply wait for Donna to magically materialise a dress and bring it to me.

I put the card beside me, bringing the smooth black box to my lap. I began opening it gently, slowly I spotted red. If this man wrapped up organs, so help me god.

I lifted the lid completely off, I was pleased to find it was fabric. On the fabric was another note, it read 'Wear this tonight. Dominic.' That sly fox. I picked it up, something else fell to the floor. I reluctantly placed the dress down and went to pick it up. It was a smaller box. I opened it to find a pair of earrings, a bracelet and - a crown?

I wasn't some kind of queen, I hope he knew that. 

There was a note on top that said 'this too'. I chuckled putting the small box aside. As I pulled the dress out I spotted an envelope. This was getting too much. I laid the dress on the bed and picked up the paper, placing the box on the bed as well. I opened it, they were cuddle coupons. The idiot got cuddle coupons. I had a stupid grin on my face, I could feel it. I'd be using these a lot.

I shook my head getting back to the best part, the dress. I changed into my skin invisible Victoria Secret underwear and decided not to wear a bra. I put the dress on, walked over to the mirror and stared.

Author: Ignore the brown hair. Hard to photoshop that, not gonna lie.

As I'd been zipping it up, it had occurred to me that it was backless. But I hadn't imagined it to be this low, I liked the strap that held my boobs up though, very helpful. Its love-heart neckline sold the entire thing. He couldn't help but make it shapely, but at least it had some flare to it.

I moved around. God this was fun.

I stopped messing around and got to finding shoes to match, which you wouldn't be able to see under the dress. He knew I'd be pissed if he got me heels that were too short, so I was glad he didn't bother in that department. I picked out a pointy pair of red glossy pumps by Christian Louboutin. Then went back to the bed to add on the jewellery.

As I slid on the tiara-like object and I felt suddenly special, like an actual princess. The effect he was going for I'm sure.

I stared at myself for a while, too long. 

I snapped out of my thoughts. Did Claire have a dress? I suddenly felt bad. 

I started for the door but then stopped, I had to be prepared as always. I went back to the wardrobe and found my leg straps. I attached them to each leg then went to my secret stash of weapons, which Dominic knew about it. It was only secret to anyone other than Dominic. I appreciated the poofyness of the dress, you couldn't tell there was weapons on my legs at all. A thought that would surely go through people's minds when they saw it, 'is she hiding guns in her dress?'

I would think that.

The door opened as I was sliding a knife in on the outside of my thigh, I froze as Dominic walked in.  I was holding half the dress up, sliding a weapon into a pouch I'd attached to my body and looked like some kind of prostitute with my leg stretched in front of me. Just how he wanted me to look I bet. Classy yet practical.

Dominic

Was she teasing me again?

She doesn't stop. Swear to god.

She stopped looking at me from under those lashes of hers, and stood upright. I smiled.

"You look stunning." I commented. She looked down.

"Thanks." she croaked. She coughed, "Oh look, I got you a present too."

She turned, I watched her walking and I truly never felt more proud of myself than this moment. Who knew I knew anything about fashion?

She walked back and held the box out for me to take, I thanked her sitting on the bed and pulling it onto my lap. I glanced at her as I opened it, she was uncomfortable. This box was big, unusually heavy as well. I opened it, the first thing I saw was a card. I took it, flipping it open.


'I hope you know how much you mean to me. You are such an important part of my life. In fact, you are the centre of my life. 

Everything I do is for us and I hope you know that I am always trying to do the right thing that will make our relationship a stronger one. 

You have inspired me to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be and I hope that I can somehow repay you for everything that you have done for me. 

Without you, I would be a completely different person. You have taught me so much about life and because of you, I truly know what love is.'


How truly honest of her, she really did love me didn't she? No bullsh-t.

I still couldn't give back, even though - to her - I've done so much already. So much so, she feels she has to give back. But I still haven't given her any love. That's the important thing. I've never failed so hard at something in my life. 

Never hated something about myself more.




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